The Room

Photo: (Street Walkers – Aaron Johnson)


Anxiety and depression wrapped neatly in the corner creeping closer

I might die in this room 

Or you might lead the way out 
Either way I’m here and you are too
Before I panicked because things changed,

And currently worry because I don’t know if they’ll ever go back to the way they were

What do these memories mean?


The same way I invite people in to ruin my life

I can find purpose in the pain if I work through it 

You see the best in people 

I expect the worst 

Can we meet somewhere in the middle 

The only other option was death or a dull life, I kept going

Never fall victim to the vices set before you, posted at every milestone

Forever uncomfortable 

living in-between the lines 

Funny how people never get around to living life 

The spider, the fly, and the witness 

Looking back at the life you never had 

It’ll eat you alive in the end.

Live with it, or change it…. gradually :) 

The smallest things count, yet at the very same parallel moment, they don’t. 

Have you ever wondered if saving the world, is something that really should be considered ? 

Let’s put it like this, 

America, the great, the brave, the strong slogan “united we stand” but they never mentioned individually you fall if you can’t keep up.

By keeping up I’m connoting the realization of the way America presents international problems as their own, when in reality, it isn’t, it’s because they’re nosy.

In certain cases of course. 

Don’t waste food, kids and people as a generality are suffering in third world countries, so it’s placed on our shoulders to care and to not let a grain go to waste. Yet the obesity levels in America is astonishingly saddening. While putting meals together and delivering them to those that are really in need is a problem if there’s not a dime involved. 

Ever seen avatar ? 

The same method of Andrew Jackson, and seemingly the same method that President Donald Trump is presenting, subconsciously, to others, there’s no sign of coequalness. People are being told that social media will give you all of the news you need to hear or learn about, but, it’s hard to stay engrossed when the same thing is happening on there too. Yet people enjoy it, makes you wonder are human brains getting smaller? 

Wars are being threatened with, when in reality, there’s billions of people at stake, lives that could be lost, that could be transitioned from excellent to a nightmarish hell. 

Social media has made it a habitual thing to make fun of the world’s devistating news. The intentness is on the humor more than it is on the seriousness of situations that the “United States of America” is faced with. 

While in the long run, people confabulate about world peace and thoughts that could be made into a reality through time, effort, and plans that are set up to be executed. 

The faith I have within humanity, it’s sickening sometimes, but I believe that one special day, the façades of the mask wearers will be exposed and their insecurities would be something that could be worked on, instead of ridiculed by the same people that feel the same things as them, if not deeper. 

My observation of Faye part 2

“You ready?” Her breaths came as a shock to me, I’d never thought that once in my life I’d see her breathe this hard, I haven’t even penetrated her yet. “You sure?” Faye laughed, speaking so gently, as if she wasn’t just breathing harder than a marathon runner. “Yes Lucas, I’m ready.” I reached for her hand, but there was that feeling again; she smiled and put her arm over her chest, and muttered “well, what’s wrong with me this time?” “Nothing” I said, “It’s just, you’re really going to let this happen?” I didn’t think that you and I would, you know, be here doin- wait, you were breathing hard like that because you’re nervous?” That was it. Bingo. She was scared, she kept covering her chest and her eyes, and didn’t want me to touch her yet until she was ready. “Come lay down with me, let me explain something to you Lucas, in detail.” She caught me off guard but I did as she said anyways. “Give me your hand, and please tell me what you feel.” She began to smile, “stop being such a lion heart, feel my hand and tell me what you feel.” I began to grow a little nervous because I had never taken the time to fully analyze how her hands are so much smaller than mine, yet they’re so strong but softer than a child’s cheek. The way her hand fit into mine, was as if it belonged there, purposely belonged there. 

I started to get scared now, because she was everything I could ever dream of, and ye- “Just because we make love tonight does not mean I will be chasing after you okay? I. Don’t. Chase. I don’t compete either. So remember that, because you have one time to slip up, now tell me how beautiful I am, and make my dreams into a reality.” All I could do was laugh. Her confidence, her spunk, she wasn’t God’s gift to men, but her smile and her spirit made it all worth it to say she was. “Faye?” “Yes Lucas?” “I- I love you.” “Don’t just love me, but enjoy me while you love me. I’m only here for a certain amount of time, make it useful.” When she put that into perspective, a sort of an anguished feeling began to grow within my abdomen. “Why would you say that?” She chuckled “because you can get any little girl you’d like, but not me. You have to work for my love, I’m not going to just give it to you, Prince Charming. You can fool them but not me. So because I’m making you realize my worth, I’m letting you know that you need to take advantage of it now before I’m gone tomorrow, or whenever the reaper calls on me. You won’t be able to do it when I’m dead now would you?” 

The girl made a point. 

I will forever love her, and won’t ever stop. 

Short and sweet 


The worlds way of showing us how simplicity is really the cure to a multitude of mislead souls, we’ve been stuck in the one track minded mental, brought to think that whatever anyone else is doing, we must do better, and boast about it through a façade of humbled behavior.. that’s not the wave… sad to say that we all get stuck in it at some point in time, it’s up to you whether you stay stuck in a circled drain mentality, there’s ups and downs to every situation; for we might not know why and how, we all get frustrated and perplexed. Yet in those moments most of us cling to the, what we’d like to call, “comfort”, of our emotions, and steering away from positive logic thought. Bringing yourself to terms, with yourself, being kind to yourself, things will occur that you’d never imagine, contentment will be in your favor. Keeping that faith, and discipline, is the hardest part; so it can and will be done, if pursued. 

Selfishness, is it really that bad? 

Moments come and go, there’s certain ones that remain, like living, taking care of responsibilities, and pushing past negativity on the daily. 

Yet sometimes there are factors which could be anything, that make you tired, make you question your actions. They also make you happy, and make you cherish life just a little more than you’re “supposed” to. Those are the things that we tend to hold on to dearly. 

I guess I can safely presume and say that all of us humans, we can get very selfish at times. It’ll leave us bumfuzzled with our feelings because we start to think that we’re not important to anything or anyone, which is what happens frequently. Plenty of times I’ve had to take myself out of that funk and push through a dark part of my life to see light again. It’s not an easy process, but it’s always worth it in the end. 

The safest way to release your doubt is to have faith within yourself, even when you don’t feel loved or cared about by those you love the most. People have lives, we all do, sometimes I have a habit of forgetting that, and I’ll have to center myself with reality once more, but I’m human, we all are, we fall and we bleed, we aren’t machines. 

The selfish part

In generality most of us tend to get selfish when we want happiness to ourselves, because we have found our very own pot of gold within our hearts, so we get jealous and gain attitudes that aren’t healthy. The most comedic part about that is we do it out of love and protection for ourselves. 

My personal opinion, I don’t want to be happy with something that anyone can have. I don’t want anything common. It’ll get boring before I know it and poof, I’ll end up starting from square one again. 

We want people to be there for us and only us because we know that we’ll do the same in return for them. 

But what if that doesn’t happen ?

Honestly, I wouldn’t know the answer to that because I’m still trying to figure it out. 

So what happens next ?

Life will happen, and I’ll be right back, to blog all about it. 

The human condition and west of division

Fighting over parking spots and other frivolous things. The DNA in most humans is actually quite terrible. The longing to have your name live on long after you’re gone. Beast in a flesh cage. Livewires grounded by the realities of humanity. Impermanence. Fear and loathing spread past Las Vegas. If you take a step back you can see the beauty in it all. Everything perfect in all the imperfections. But where do we go from here? Life. A puzzle perpetually unsolved. Every generation given a new chance to answer. Silence still. There are those of us who have the answer. Silence still. Because to answer is belonging to question. To question is to suggest an origin. An origin. A beginning. A beginning, an end. Having the answers to questions solves problems. Life may have many, and may no one find it. So that it may keep going. 

The end of the world can wait 

I’m here 

Nah b, hold up! 


It’s hard to not feel entitled to certain things, situations and people, due to the treatment, even objects. Anyone can say that they usually do something while their behavior has changed, whether it be with another person, situation and or thing.

 Once we, as people, get comfortable with stuff being the way that they are, we begin to question where we stand with those factors that may be apart of our daily activities or even if there are long term hiatus’, we always notice when there’s a small change, or even large one.

Some of us at least.

Its difficult to realize this and face it sometimes, especially when we don’t want things to change, because in reality, some people don’t like change; they’d just rather things that are apart of whatever it is that’s important to them get better in the form that it’s already in. 

That’s where entitlement comes in. Sometimes it’s okay to not feel good about it, yet in that moment, we have to realize that people, places, and or things shouldn’t have that much of a significant impact on our lives because not everything lasts forever. Because entitlement leads to expectations, and if you expect people to deliver for you more than you do for yourself, you’ll never be happy. Unfortunately, I’m starting to realize this more and more each day.

But…

We could try to stretch it out if we could right ?

Or at least that’s what we’d like to believe. 

You see, sometimes waiting isn’t our thing. Waiting for a package to come, a situation to arise or be solved, and people making you think or wait longer than you believe you “should”. 

Entitlement is the same thing as happiness, and if you put that in other people, they’ll disappoint you every single time. Due to many reasons.

  1. It could be how they are
  2. Excuses are made up to cover up the truth behind the reason because of the way that things are set up
  3. Importance on what the place, situation, and or person might be, because people can treat things, situations and other individuals like it’s a priority until something or someone else comes along. 
  4. And last but not least time, things happen during the days and nights that most people don’t want to share or simply forget about, which kind of piggybacks off of importance.. if people, places, things, and situations are important to a person, they take care of it right away, or at least they try to. 

So, when you start to feel entitled to something, and or someone, just remember, they might not view things or feel the same way that you might. When you start to see that, it’ll be better to keep in mind that only you, can make that happen if you allow those things and or people to have that much of a significant importance/ impact on your life. 

If there’s an archer and they’re practicing to successfully find a target to shoot, it’ll be conquered. But if they feel like they deserve to hit that target just because they’re an “archer” then they’ll have a lot of disappointment to face. 

Be humble and keep yourself happy. Don’t leave that in other people’s hands. 

Unless they earn that treatment. 

How come? 

She doesn’t like being upset with them . 

It seems inside her blood, there’s a bailey

She can’t be knocked down, 

Yet her knees buckle when she thinks of them.

She doesn’t like having the feelings she does. 

The numb days. They were the best. 

But they could never have the effect on her like these heart beats do. 

They’re not regular

They skip, they bring happiness and whirlpools in her stomach

That makes her so sick, she wished that they weren’t there

But often ponders as to what would happen if they weren’t there. 

That’s when she begins to realize she’s wrong. 

Her arms and legs become clingy

Remaining ready at all times to squeeze with so much affection.

Still, the numb days didn’t bring her lungs to the verge of collapsing 

And her heart didn’t run a mile a minute when something didn’t go the way it usually would. 

She didn’t care

And now she does.

Trying to lock her heart in a chastiy belt specially built for her heart.

But it’s gained too much love, and is now too big to fit it.

She’s angry that she’s allowed herself to be this vulnerable. 

She had gotten so good at keeping her emotions in shallow waters. 

But now? The sun has evaporated all of the water and has rays of love shining from it.

She can’t TAKE IT! She feels so janus-faced. 

It’s making her worried, scared, happy, and anxious all in one.

Until she realizes, 

It shouldn’t be that deep. 

But her heart. 

It beats so hard that it creates shock waves that can be felt thousands of miles away. 

She’s very cautious she doesn’t trust that easily. 

Now more than ever, she’s having doubts on top of doubts

Her anxiousness is the result of not being fully reassured the way she wants to be. 

So now, she’s thinking more than she should and it’s bothering her. 

Distractions will be her new hobby. 

She can’t keep wearing her heart on her sleeve. 

She’ll get hurt. 

Patiently waiting and knows that when she gets where she wants, and sees who she wants, 

All of that, will fly out of the window of uncertainty. 

Saturn 

When I heard his voice for the first time I couldn’t believe my ears. Usually I’d always expect grungy things to occur. I could’ve sworn his voice would be deeper, but I kept listening, and once I felt my heart skip a beat, I was sold. He reminds me of a fox, always playing tricks or making a joke of something that you’d think you’d know the answer to, but remind yourself, you’re not on that sarcastic level yet, so just take a chill pill and watch this beauty at its finest. Through life form of course. 

The many perfections that he would call imperfections, I would always consider them to be his best attributes. His jawline makes me quiver every time he smiles. His hands, they can easily over power mine, while remaining so beautifully still. Oh! And his laugh ! Let’s not forget about the laugh that I search for whenever I see the facial dents of happiness appear on your face. 

The plains of his wide back, make me dream of hugging and transferring all the love I have within me to him. He’s my biggest fan and I his. His arms are my favorite part. They have shield written all on them, and yet, me being as reckless as I am, I don’t crave protection from them, but more of a genuine hold. I can imagine gripping them while softly showing my appreciation for them. 

He’s been my biggest challenge and my best experience. Learning things about someone while figuring yourself out is difficult they teach you something (subconsciously) and you find the answer through their evident fears and troubles. The same effort you put into loving someone else’s imperfections, is the same energy you should put towards loving yourself. Awarding yourself with this knowledge is the most valuable kind of education that teachers don’t teach. 

Realizing this has made it so much of an easy task to accept this beaut, for what and who he is. Noticing faults and flaws from both sides of the team shows you that people deserve to be loved for who they truly are, and not what they wish they could be. As my arms reach carefully, tenderly, I begin to find my own heart and the beats it leaves behind. While faced with dilemmas of quick judgments and scared hearts, I keep in mind that patience will forever and always be a virtue.

Laughter will constantly be apart of my life whenever I think of you. It’s the simplest things that get to me. In a sky full of other planets, and stars, you’re my Saturn. Your many rings that make you who you are keep me searching for more within myself, and within your love and your heart. 

Until infinity and beyond, I love you(r progress)