The minimum wage memiors and the fear of Mondays 

NOW HIRING 

For the lowest amount legally allowed to pay you by law, you can, in return offer me all of your soul, the best of your ability, and the bulk of your time.
One weekend two weekend three weekend four, who needs friends when you have customers to attend to.
We’re not done here
In this position you will:

  • Challenge the definition of what it means to be human.
  • Explore the loss of free will and choice, I own your behavior even after you clock out.

Benefits:

  • You can make just enough to pay rent to property you won’t and don’t own.
  • Meanial entry level tasks that you believe are building desirable skills on your resumé for better employment elsewhere, maybe mopping the floor with a smile will assist you in applying for an allowance at your mother’s house, because that’s where you’ll be living on our paychecks. 
  • Random weekly hour cuts. 
  • Opportunity to be managed by an individual even more incompetent than you in a higher position.

Easily added to the long list of things I wish I had done sooner, freelance writing for me was a breath of revival to a the short breaths caused from a claustrophobic life. I was one of many people who believed what I saw on TV. I believe being an adult was something that just happened overnight. You wake up one day and have this literal 9-5 office job, wearing semi formal attire for the remainder of adulthood. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do, and in the process, I believed working a bunch of entry level jobs as a teenager would give me the experience to land a six-figure salary in an office uptown somewhere, it’s safe to say I was a little off in my prediction.

Fast forward past every job I’ve ever worked and somehow, I landed here, being paid to write, something I never thought possible in a million years. I was someone who swore was going to be a pokemon trainer as a profession, but reality crept in and I never found any field related to catching Pokemon as a profession on careers.com. 

Being paid to write for the first time is the equivalent to your first orgasm, you had no idea this feeling existed and you crave more. As you’re driving into the future with this new way of potentially supporting yourself, you look into the rear view mirror and you see the entire structure of a flawed existence. It’s a beautiful juxtaposition like watching a sunset on Saturday, being in the midst of a peaking weekend. You start to think, maybe I should have sought writing sooner, but then you wonder, was everything you experienced the fuel for what got you to where you are now? 

I’m going to avoid the corny photo of pen and paper or the ironic hipster typewriter photo that most bloggers would use for a post like this.