The Real Report: The Burger King Whopperrito

The “King of Whoppers” have outdone themselves this time around. Burger King does an amazing job at packaging the taste of poverty in a tortilla, at first bite you are taken back to the days of payday being 3 days away with only instant ramen noodles being available in your cabinets. With every chew you get the full flavor of bad decisions and currency well wasted. 

To dissect the sandwich, an underpaid employee takes 1 whopper patty and begins to tear it into smaller pieces as if to feed a small animal. Next, they grab stolen Taco Bell mild sauce and smear that shit on an overly doughy tortilla with soggy lettuce and tomato. Remember that time the condom had broken but you kept going because you were way too sauced to care? Remember when you wanted the name brand item but your card would get declined if your tried to purchase it so you were forced to get the off-brand? Hey, why go to chipotle and spend $8 for a decent meal when you can spend $3 and gaurentee a terrible time?  

That’s basically the Whopperito in a nustshell, a lazy attempt at staying relevant with so much innovation and competition in the food industry. This is currently strike number 2 for the King of Burgers as the “Mac and Cheetos” released prior, the meal that tasted like everything else that was fried in the same deep fryer, failing to taste like anything other than poop in colorful packaging.

Rating: 5 star Super saiyan trash


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