The Talisman

Her walk: glorious

Her voice: gracious

Her smile: out of this world

Her ambition: bigger than anyone else’s 

Someone was always running towards her for advice, for comfort, for shelter, for food, for a good laugh, you name it, she was the mother to a safe haven; everything about her screamed independence. 

My mother’s sister she was, but to me, and almost every cousin and family member I could think of, she was our mother, something about her couldn’t ever be replaced, it was like she was our super hero. 

For your understanding here are some stories

  1. Maryland

She drove to my house in downtown Elizabeth (at that time being) and asked my mother to send me downstairs. Automatically I ran down, because whenever Myrta was around, you knew it would be a great genuine time. She seen me, put her arms up in the air forming a kind of squared shaped ‘u’ and she then let out her famous laugh and saying “Hey miss thing!” She then asked me how did I feel about taking a road trip, now before I go on, think to yourself, how would an 11 year old girl feel about taking a road trip with her favorite aunt ? Overwhelmed might be the proper word for it. 

Continuing on…

“What’s that look for ? You look like someone told you that you won one trillion dollars!” I mean why wouldn’t I have that face right ? I ran up the stairs and got my clothes ready for an eventful weekend. When I came back downstairs she had the trunk prepared for my duffle bag, I couldn’t wait for this road trip to begin. Two hours in the drive, her gps had started to act up, continuously saying turn right, turn right, turn right! Never have I ever seen her get so upset with technology! She threw the gps out of the window and pulled out the printed directions off of mapquest, I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. The playlist on this car ride went from the O’jays, Marvin gaye, the temptations, Gladys Knight, Oscar DeLeon, prince, The Weezers, house music, classical music, the list goes on and on, but I didn’t take the music for granted. 

   2. Sonya’s baby shower

I remember sitting there waiting for my cousin Sonya to hurry up and walk in for the surprise baby shower, but of course Sonya will be Sonya, she wasn’t really surprised she had a look of confusion in other words, she was kind of expecting this to happen she had us all laughing and crying in tears. 

But Myrta, she loved Sonya’s belly, she had been next to my mother and I, simply saying “she’s so beautiful pregnant, she has the perfect belly, we didn’t have that !” And there went that famous laugh of hers, as she spoke to my mother. Myrta wore such a beautiful black and white dress, which she absolutely loved wearing. Black and white were her favorite colors.

         3. My sweet sixteen. 

Beauty is something that can be bought but never instilled. Myrta was beautiful inside and out, and on my sweet sixteen she received a lucky candle that I gave to her. She thanked me, but before she did that, she brought my dress, and told me to never let it go. Which I don’t intend on doing. 

     4. Florida 

My parents, George and Sylvia as well as my aunt Myrta and myself rode 15 hours to Florida, I would have to say, that had to be the best time of my life, Titi Myrta introduced me to Starbucks coffee for the first time. We had to stop multiple times due to Myrta’s diabetes. But I didn’t mind it, we stopped at many fine places 

  1. Dine in motel that had so many hillbillies, but they were so kind ! Titi Myrta told me to try their grits and the way they made them. She said learning new things had to be the ultimate goal in everyone’s lives, “it feeds your brain nena.” She used to tell me that so many times.
  2. Waffle House. That was my first time going there ever. I strongly encourage readers to go there asap, any Waffle House will do, as long as you have their whipped cream strawberry waffles with ice cream and a cherry on top!
  3. Cracker Barrel, best food on earth !!! 
  4. A souvenir store inside of Cracker Barrel, that store had so many shiny stones made me want to take all of them home

We did so much in Florida, but most of all, we all had an amazing time. We seen 3 alligators crossing the street as if they owned it, Myrta took a picture of them and said they resembled the three stooges. We went to at least 5 flea markets as well as thrift stores and went for walks under the Floridian starry sky. Unfortunately this is where the story goes sour. Titi Myrta grabbed her hair to put into a ponytail and noticed a chunk came out, she had been losing so much weight, but automatically thought it had been due to having diabetes. Sadly we didn’t take notice that it would later be caused by lung cancer .

       5. Pennsylvania 

Allentown, Pennsylvania is where my father’s sister Nela stayed; she used to live there, having such an enormous but simple home. Pure beauty. Titi Nela and her sons and daughter treated Myrta with such great hospitality; serving her whatever she wished to eat and offered to take her wherever she had wanted to go. But one thing that caught me off guard was Tori. Tori had been my aunt Nela’s dog/daughter/partner in crime. She was an American bull dog mixed with a pitbull terrier, she was beautiful and looked like a cow. Black and white. Never in my life did I ever expect Tori and Myrta to click the way they did only because Titi didn’t like big dogs near her. But tori made her presence very well known with Titi Myrta. She made sure she protected Titi while she stood there and made her final month with her enjoyable. 
      6. Cancer treatment Centers of America 

Titi had her final days here, of course it was never on a good note but she loved the way they treated her there, the nurses just loved her. But Titi had enough of being there after a while. A few weeks after she finished her will, she demanded that she come home (she knew it was time to go and rest but she didn’t want us to know through words so she let us know through her actions.) “They took the parkway!” She calculated in her mind as the ambulance driver took longer than expected to take her home . She never lost her mental. She may have been sick, but she wasn’t dumb. Very smart infact . 

She passed away September 16th, 2012. A year and date I don’t think anyone close to her could ever forget. She was our talisman, she had been our esperance in desperate situations, she was and forever will be our queen. 

Unaware

I didn’t know it would come down to this ! Doing what others said couldn’t be done, saying things that should be left a secret, how could I ever let this happen ?! 
But wait.. there’s other things to worry about, like how I totally thought you had a way out, and I thought I had a way in. We’re stuck here but there’s not much we can really do now hm? 
The night stars watch us eagerly as we sit here; letting the time run past us. It’s a shame we couldn’t touch or hold them closer to our liking. Although nothing compares to this moment. I ponder 10 million times in my head before I ask you the infamous question of eternity
“Do you really love me?”
Met stares begin to leave me in a worried state, wondering if the answer will be what I want to hear. I’m betting that you’ll say you really don-
“Yes, I really do.” 
There it goes again, I speak before I’m spoken to, I answer questions for you in my head before I hear what you have to say.. why does this happen? Why do I do this ? 
Allowing you in my head is a dangerous game, for you could never be so sure on what is really in there, but you, oh you, you sure know what goes on in this mysterious mentality of mine; and I love you for it. 

The Chef

Disclaimer: male on male gay erotica sample

If gay topics/situations offend, please do not read. I am not gay, sample is purely for measuring ability to write unfamiliar foreign topics. 

He was hot, and taller than I expected, this only enhanced the reward factor to the risk I was taking by being here, in the bathroom of this Michelin star laden restaurant, on my wife’s anniversary, with him. 
I had been playing eye tag with this gift from God all evening ever since the time of my arrival, and now here he was, fixating his gaze on mine from across the room. This man was a master at making me not only aware of him, but also his intentions. I wasn’t afraid to slip under his spell because he was going slow, my mental wandering that followed was anxious, voluntary, and overly eager. Thinking of what could be, and could happen, right here, right now in this bathroom gave birth to the beginning of an erection. He began to approach me, eyes never leaving mine the entire time, his confidence was commanding my attention and was only rivaled by his wonderful scent. Tom Ford Noir penetrated the air as he drew within inches from me, the outline of his member well visible from this vantage point. I reached for his fitted black designer slacks in a cautious motion that was met by an instant smack that left my left ear ringing. “You do not make the rules here.”

The Ghosts of New York City

I remember the first time I finally managed to fall in love, it was with myself, then this idea, then you. Twisted love stories told by wilted magnolias down by the bodega on the corner. Your house on the hill is your top floor apartment, no one can see you cry up there, and if your tears should ever fall from the top floor and escape your window, please convince the pedestrians below that it is just another rainy day, and that too shall pass. 

You hold the key to my heart but the only thing on your mind it seems when you let yourself in was robbery, and after everything was in shambles I didn’t ask for the key back. 

And these are the ways things have always been and the horizon of the way things will always be.

We were a puzzle, putting everything together and couldn’t see we didn’t have all the pieces as we got towards the end … I’m still glad we started everything… because I go back and look at what almost was…

but it’s too late now.

You promised me you wouldn’t fall in love with anyone else, but I can’t help feeling this feeling you lied, it’s your eyes my medusa, and the melodic hypnotic sound when you speak with them, like the wipers on your windshield fighting the rain, one kiss and I’m rock stiff … 

Heaven. 

šŸŽ§ Free Music

Started writing for a new site itmustbejam.com under Elliot Wolf , the link contains all contact info, would appreciate the support and feedback, first article was on The New Toronto 2 Tory Lanez mixtape , hit the link and let me know what you think. 

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Caution, because having certain conversations can cause cancer to which there is no cure, every word poisoning your being, the ideology spreading through your mental until it consumes you, the lies becoming so intertwined in your DNA remembering who you were before becomes a task.

[Mirrors]

No time for clothes in the house,

 or anymore monday mornings in my life, 

Always alive at so dead an hour

Crypt walking

I’ve got the blues,

My eyes swell, the tears turn to blood, 

Again I realize I’m just a jester looking for a king’s love

These are my primary problems 

In a world where you’re only as good as your last, you’re not the better answer, but the best answer to a question that I wasn’t sure of how to answer

Late PMs, Early AMs,

Conversations in cars,

Sex and Smoke, 

and eyes as bright as the city lights at night

In this car we hold the keys to go everywhere we wish without the need to start an ignition, these conversations take me farther than this car could ever go, eyes closed, mouth open, mind open, hearts continue to race, don’t slow down, from wheels to wings, exhale the smoke and take off, us right here, beyond the reach of all, minds together elsewhere, our time together infinite, this love together infinite
 
This love won’t hold me over, 

And this love,

This love, our love,

is likened to leftover pizza,

Because you can find anything you want but don’t need in your life 

just like the leftover pizza 
in the fridge at 2am

Cheers to our time together on this planet, the most meaningful and meaningless entity I have ever had the grace to witness