Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

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