The bull and the Lilly of the valley

She grows so weary of herself. She begins to see the confusion within her heart and soul. You see, the two are opposites, when they shouldn’t be. Her heart shields itself by not allowing her to break through verbally but rather physically, so that transfers to her brain, making it hard to decipher the significance of her emotions. 

The dilemma in her life are the bars that remain firmly planted on her heart. There’s a secret to these bars and her emotions. Within these bars lie millions of electrical shocks, called fear; she fears and expects the worst from people, and yet her heart and mind continue to amplify with trust, while fear always had a funny way of showing up in her life’s endeavors, those electrical bars clench tight, hence making her heart and mind deviagate from trusting and loving with positivity. 

Her lungs become deadly, the bars suddenly stretch out to them, forming a human’s hand that’s squeezes a sponge without difficulty. Her breaths become shallow, and her neck tenses up becoming a brick within her body that is rattled by her heart’s desire to expand. 

Her legs become her worst enemy. They disrespect gravity and collapse as she forces her self to walk on in life. Yet, she still arises; and in that moment, her fingers become numb, and her stomach becomes stronger than the currents from all seven seas combined.

She gives herself a few silent moments to reflect on her body’s malfunction. Then she gets up! As if it never happened. She’s still weary, and a little more wiser than she was yesterday. 

She stares into the mirror, and wonders what may be a problem within her image. Until she realizes there’s none to point out. She smiles and realizes her body isn’t the dilemma, she then feels the bars loosen, just before she becomes aware that they’re clenching once again. As she tries to work on her heart, it grows weak with fear and loathing of the challenges that her emotions put her through. 

She walks with so much pride, and respect for herself, she knows she’s beautiful in her own way. She sees her worth, yet she’s troubled and scared. 

Her goal in life, is to be freer than birds when they fly, she holds herself tight yet wants to open herself up. 

She doesn’t know how. Because the bars clench harder every time she’s happy. They give her reasons to doubt, to not trust, to assume, and to contradict. 

Her tears become puddles of her own reflection, the only difference is, while she cries, she visualized how things could’ve have gone so much better, had it not been for the electrical bars. 

She works on herself daily, she wakes up in the morning with positive thoughts, yet there the bars are every morning waiting for her heart to beat a little faster than it normally would, because that’s what fear does to you. 

She’s used to letting go of things, people, and situations, because she’s never been the kind of individual to dwell on a lot. She fears crying because in her upbringing, she realized that others have held things in, and that maybe, somehow, it would be normal to execute that in her life, which brought in her build up. But when her heart finds just a little more room to dilate just a tad bit more, she gives her best shots at fighting her own electrical bars, because she is aware that these certain things, people, and situations can be apart of a greater meaning of life, and she holds them so close and dearly, while pushing the the limited bars out more to love them so hard. 

Yet, the bars await. 


Waiting for my idols to die

As Saturday falls into Sunday I don’t want to be celebrated

I want to be appreciated 

I’m so anxious, 

Millions of cells with a thought for each one 

Who am I going to ruin my life over today

And in what way

And then I stop myself

These were my younger years

I don’t expect you to understand me

But I respect that you try

I’ve made a habit of labeling the unimportant as urgent until a revaluation, no! A revelation of relevance relabeled me, 

And look I am reborn!

But the cup is now half empty, but I am not sad because there is still a thirst to be quenched and a cup for me.

Then there’s her…
Why are you afraid to be who you really are in front of others 

Make sure they love all of you, even your shadow

She does…

And I love her back.

I remember all of the things I went without just to be with

Even the stars burn out after so long 

Love cycles/Hate cycles

You can live forever if you never existed, god

At the end of every week, every month, every year…

A new one! 

Since birth I have been propelled forward from the past, I have been happy, been bitter, been blessed, been loved, been lost, but never better than I am right now to close my eyes and drift from this gift 

Wherever you’re going
Have fun and take care

The significance 

The significance of beauty is to realize it’s potential within yourself. The significance to love is to remind yourself daily as to what you’d like in return meaning, the respect that’s given towards one another, should be something that’s understandable, and a common ground, certain compromises that could also be compromised. The significance of life is to remain humbled and fortunate to have all that you have, and appreciate the endless opportunities that you obtain to love yourself, and others so deeply. The significance of  forgiving is that you’ll never have to forget, you gain lessons everyday from every person you come across, and you grow the power to motivate yourself to become the better version of you, when you’re faced with dilemmas in life, big or small. The significance of taking kindness into consideration with any of the endeavors you run into with life, as well as people. The significance of silence when it’s your only solitude to redeem and feel yourself until every bit of stress is out of your way, even if it’s not an infinite moment. The significance to remind yourself that it’s better to love, than to fight. Last but not least, the significance to keep your mind balanced and to admit when your pride and ego get a hold of you. Coming to terms with someone else’s perspective is a great way to understand their point of view, instead of remaining narrow minded, and bitter. Understanding is hard, trying to push yourself out of your own comfort zone to understand is even harder. Hypethetically speaking, imagine if a lotus flower grew from dirt instead of shallow murky water, or mud, it would probably grow to bloom all at once as opposed to what it originally does, which is blooming pedal by pedal. It wouldn’t have such beauty to it, if it adjusted to dirt instead of mud and murky waters. Now conceptualize if an individual decided to grow like a lotus (hypothetically) there would be a better understanding between most individuals today. The significance of beauty is to realize it’s potential within yourself .

Ferris Wheel

Baby lets skip town…

Baby lets skip town and see things we never saw before

And do things we’ll never do again

A place where no one at all keeps score 

And knowing a friend of a friend is how we’ll get in
Baby we’re going…

Baby we’re going and I’m full of fright

We might get lost and never make it 

Quiet down, the wolves hunt at night,  

And a promise is a promise, don’t you ever break it
Baby we’re here…

Baby we’re here and I have no clue what to say

Other than things are still a mess 

Oh we came all this way

When in all honesty, 

we really should have never left

No Anchors

I feel like sometimes life is full of tentacles and these tentacles are commitments that we attach ourselves to over time and throughout our lives. These attachments have the capability to weigh us down eventually. That’s every promise inked in blood, deeper and deeper into the mud you go. That’s not to say that all commitment is terrible, and in fact, some build character and define us. But in the same breath I don’t want to be defined by the things I own on the outside, I want to be defined by everything I hold on the inside. It’s this beautiful gift called memories that really allow me to float when things feel too heavy. Even if I don’t have you, I had you. That’s what really matters. In life you’re supposed to get things right the first time, but more than likely the first time we won’t get things right. Maybe that’s where the idea of G*d comes in. In the mistakes and inherit nature of being human and how mistakes mean death for those we feel lesser than us, even sometimes those that look just like us. G*d can be many things to many people, but the concept of a higher power filling in the gaps to things we can’t fathom, process, or have answers to…

My observation of Faye

Her legs had a sort of dramatic touch around her knees, as if there’s too much muscle built around it. But I love it. It’s like she’s strong in her own way, with a certain specific body part of hers. Hypothetically I would’ve been all over her by this time, but it’s something about her that makes her different from the rest. She’s gold to me, her thick hair makes it difficult to not touch. It’s like once my hand is in there, I suddenly gain an addiction to her thrusting in what seems to be the softest grass. I knew she wanted me to touch her, but the way she inhales the blunt with each pull, she makes love to my mind. Her imagination runs wild, I mean, I could’ve poured all of the persuasions that I’ve used before, along with newly developed speeches filled with empty promises. But not her; not this one. She was too pure, feels things too deeply, it’s like she’s the sudden remedy to my numb being. In every way I can possibly think of. 

“You’ve read all of those books huh? You must find the words on the pages as an outlet to interest your mind.” Speaking softly with angelic voice, I knew she would be expecting a well thought response. 

“Yes, in fact if you’d like, you can borrow them and just bring them back when you’re done.”

She laughed

“What makes you think I want to see you again?”

“Well, not really but I would like to see you a few more times. But if you’re not down with that, then that’s cool.”

“Well, guess I won’t be boring that book then.” She put forth a bit of a sarcastic tone to her voice that I know I cannot resist.

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. She’s stubborn. I like it. 

“You don’t have to take it like that, I’m joking with you, I want to see you again. Is that better?”

“It was good either way captain obvious, I knew you wanted to see me, you’ve been staring at me for a good 20 minutes. You want some more? There’s only a few pulls left.” 

She passed me the joint and caressed my hand giving me goosebumps with her fingernails lightly scratching my hand. I finished it, and began to address her physically. Right before I went to take my pants off she says: ” I don’t mean to sound sleazy but tease me. I don’t want it if its that easy.” 

I laughed and smiled at her wonderous dark brown eyes. I never thought a woman like her would ever exist in my life.

“That’s fine, shall I proceed to use my voice as a stimulation? I’m great at weird conversations and even better while using my fingers”

She let out to what seemed to me, a childlike laugh, filled with excitement and pleasure all mixed into one. I love this woman. 

“Well let’s get this show on the road shall we?” 

Faye Simone, she’s my gem. 

The essence of an alleyway 

We were family, now we are food

I love you but… 

The rent is due and

Rome is falling

Pillars plummet 

And villages pillage

I’m in love.

I don’t know if I’ll get to you in time,

I pray on our future,

while they prey on our past,

memories into memoirs

Please never forget me.

There are so many ways to say I love you,

But what I really wish for is to never lose you

Sick, sad, cold and alone.

I see horrific things when I close my eyes,

But feel at home when you hold me.

Your love is out of this world,

And so are the others.


Pushing emotions away in the process. (Part one) 

My soul rips apart heavy tears of hatred flowing through my eyes

Just the sight alone makes me wanna despise 

Slightly hanging on to hope that I know I shouldn’t dare touch

Anger ripped my chest open preparing it for a punch

Having resentment for them is not a pleasant thing to face

Seeing the shadow of an image brings me disgrace 

The thought alone keeps me shut

So when I find myself over heating all I can bring to my lips is “but”

But nothing, no worries, things will get figured out

My heart’s  growing strong with wisdom that I don’t know about 

Well, I know it, but I cannot see it

Trying to understand how one can tolerate so much bullshit 

I’m not a person that can be patient for very long, 

It gets tiring listening to that same “song” 

I’m better than what I’ve been before

Try looking at another perspective trying to open a door

It’s harder than it looks, believe me you

Trying to be happy when it isn’t true

I’d be happy if things went how they were wished

So it’s just left in the water, like an unwashed dish. 

Tea with lemon and honey should help out

Maybe with a little whiskey, and I won’t shout

Silence is my tranquility when there’s a raging fire

Not satisfied when I don’t see the evident desire.