How do you stay in love?
How do you stay in love with someone that’s clingy to society’s ways and how things should and shouldn’t be done?
Why am I so accepting ?
Why am I so accepting to the beautiful things that people can offer this world yet they don’t say a word about one thing, or at least that’s what it seems like when there’s too much stupidity covering the brains.
Why am I here ?
Why am I here?
A: To make a better world with lyrics that’ll be top ground shaking to ignore. Impacting people by people, nation by nation, uniting the human race to bring them back to reality: times have changed, yes we adapt, but we don’t leave another fellow air breather behind just because were always rushing to get to the “next best thing”
I’ve been down for some time now, yet deep down inside, there’s a small luminous picture of my future in a small black box, showing images I’ve never seen before. Yet I’m the main person being shown, continuously.
There’s a love I have for him, but I’m starting to see that it’s not being reciprocated as much, and yes, it bothers me. To the fucking core.
Cuddled dreams that are my own, burst into nightmarish flames when my body feels as though the love that should be saved for me, is being given to someone else.
I’m ungenerous with my heart, and although strangers that walk the street at night, give out more effort than he does sometimes, I still nix them off as if they’re a pack of fleas, because constant memories that were made flash into the back of my retinas, playing them over and over again, right on the stranger’s face when they ask or whisper “you got a man? Slide your number this way, damn, that’s a fat ass right there.” All I can see are dimples that replace the negativity, and a smile that melts me to the pavement of which I will land my very next step in, a voice that I’m too familiarized with, hands that I yearn to feel on my shoulders and face, a back that I want to take care of and heat that I want to add to while I sleep.
I wonder if it’s the same for them with me. I cry at night. Holding my pillow, wrapping my thighs around it, imagining, hoping, that it’ll turn into him at any given moment.
Still, and yet, blocked, in many aspects.
There’s a gap. There’s an emptiness. It’s not being filled. So many factors that add up to what makes me, me.
I don’t feel like me.
I’m not as happy as I want to be, but I suppose it’s because I haven’t reached my greatest peak of my mounted yet.
I’ve been setting up my days to have them organized just so I can have a free day to run away to the nearest exit that’ll say “Waterfall up ahead” i want to feel a heavy weight, heavier than the burdens that i carry, that’ll wash away, and make me laugh at myself for taking life so serious.
I want to have fun.
I want to be happy.
I want love.
I want to be loved.
I want a hug that allows me to place my hands on broad shoulders that’ll signify that I’m here and I’ll always be.
I want to feel again. It feels like I’m growing farther and farther from my body and closer to a black hole.
I have faith in myself and my good will that the love and happiness that isn’t being reciprocated the way i need it to be, will be shown through my work and experience of hard times.
It’ll make me stronger, and it’ll grow within me and my empathy 1,000,000,000 times over.
I’ll get my dream.
To be as naturally high as the clouds in the sky appear. Maybe higher than that.
Just you wait.