Self construction never ends it only alters

Sometimes i wonder, what was wrong with me growing up ?

From making up really weird sandwiches with anything i seen just to have flavors blow up in my mouth, to walking down to the local port to relax my mind to the waters that swayed back and forth instead of consistently smoking cannabis every time I went.

I’m pretty sure I’m the weirdest individual I’ve ever met. The older i get, the more i realize that patience is my best friend, and greatest teacher.

I’m well aware of the flaws i have within me, and i work on them daily as a result and lesson to myself that I️, as well as others, are ever changing and it’s inevitable.

The only pro or con would be changing for the better or worst.

I see women loosening up their logic to make room for self pity, parties to fill in the voids, men that can potentially finish the night off right. Hatred towards self which is then transitioned into believing that it’s “tough love”.

What happened to our self respect and dignity?

I want children in the future. I want sons, but most importantly I want a daughter, that would be better than me, yet walking in similar steps as me. My daughter will be my refuge, knowing that she will walk this earth with her shoulders pulled back and knowing she’s worth everything that she deserves and wants. She will be happy in knowing that the respect she has for herself will be the only thing that could continuously build her up.

My daughter will be like me. In an exceptional way. In a level that i wasn’t able to reach, but she will.

She will make men quiver just by the sight of her walk and how confident she will be.

Men will throw themselves at her, and she will respectfully decline, because she’s cognizant of her worth, and her being. She will be full of nothing but depth, and she will execute every plan in her path peacefully and remain humbled.

I laugh while reading this because i know that I’m explaining myself, but it’s taken me so long to get to this small stepping stone, of patience and understanding, and I haven’t even reached the highest level of knowing what humbleness really is. I’m still pushing past barriers that I, myself am the only one to blame for placing them where they may be. So it is my job to knock those barriers down, excel to my better self and strive for better.

I’m

Not

Just

A

Number.

I’m

Not

Just

A

Body.

I

Am

Not

A

Robot.

And

I

Am

Most

Definitely

Stronger

Than

I

Was

Before.

My body is not a place to accept anyone who is willing to let off and go.

My body has endured so much at a young age, putting it through different auras will damage me. My respect will never be the same.

My hips sway left to right, right to left.

I am water within myself, i sway so effortlessly, and I’m proud of it.

Petite jeans with space too big for my small waist, yet they fit so snug.

Make up is a frenemy, and I’m glad to admit that.

It brings the inner me out, but not for long, you can notice when I’m done drinking from my cup, my lipstick is all gone, and i have not an inch of energy to draw it back on. My natural lines come in and they poke out, my catish eyes then loosen up in relief that the eyeliner won’t pull on my skin any longer.

It’s fun to play around with it, but it too leaves after so many hours, maybe even minutes.

My eyebrows are always breathing, they’re too dark to lay any liquid on them to shadow their natural beauty down.

I wear make up. Not for long.

I clip my nails, toes and feet, when I’m ready to make love to myself.

I wash my hair in strokes that feel so desirable i lose control and i condition it down with such softness, that my bosoms and derrière become jealous of its texture.

My arms they wrap myself everyday in a green towel that’s a little shy from being my exact height. However days like these ? My arms caress my waist and my hands run from my neck down to my belly button.

How beautiful could you be?

When days come around and I don’t feel like myself, those same gestures become my go to for a proper sanctuary.

The way you love yourself will reflect on how you walk this earth.

Peacefully or in chaos.

I wake with the sun, and i go down with it.

I speak unapologetically and I am proud of what i have to say.

If i am wrong, I will never be biased to accept your opinion, because it is only right to listen more than you speak.

I will hear everyone’s thoughts and voices, before i place mine in, because those who finish last always come out first.

Patience will be the most amazing experience and I’m ready to learn.

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