My observation of Faye

Her legs had a sort of dramatic touch around her knees, as if there’s too much muscle built around it. But I love it. It’s like she’s strong in her own way, with a certain specific body part of hers. Hypothetically I would’ve been all over her by this time, but it’s something about her that makes her different from the rest. She’s gold to me, her thick hair makes it difficult to not touch. It’s like once my hand is in there, I suddenly gain an addiction to her thrusting in what seems to be the softest grass. I knew she wanted me to touch her, but the way she inhales the blunt with each pull, she makes love to my mind. Her imagination runs wild, I mean, I could’ve poured all of the persuasions that I’ve used before, along with newly developed speeches filled with empty promises. But not her; not this one. She was too pure, feels things too deeply, it’s like she’s the sudden remedy to my numb being. In every way I can possibly think of. 

“You’ve read all of those books huh? You must find the words on the pages as an outlet to interest your mind.” Speaking softly with angelic voice, I knew she would be expecting a well thought response. 

“Yes, in fact if you’d like, you can borrow them and just bring them back when you’re done.”

She laughed

“What makes you think I want to see you again?”

“Well, not really but I would like to see you a few more times. But if you’re not down with that, then that’s cool.”

“Well, guess I won’t be boring that book then.” She put forth a bit of a sarcastic tone to her voice that I know I cannot resist.

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. She’s stubborn. I like it. 

“You don’t have to take it like that, I’m joking with you, I want to see you again. Is that better?”

“It was good either way captain obvious, I knew you wanted to see me, you’ve been staring at me for a good 20 minutes. You want some more? There’s only a few pulls left.” 

She passed me the joint and caressed my hand giving me goosebumps with her fingernails lightly scratching my hand. I finished it, and began to address her physically. Right before I went to take my pants off she says: ” I don’t mean to sound sleazy but tease me. I don’t want it if its that easy.” 

I laughed and smiled at her wonderous dark brown eyes. I never thought a woman like her would ever exist in my life.

“That’s fine, shall I proceed to use my voice as a stimulation? I’m great at weird conversations and even better while using my fingers”

She let out to what seemed to me, a childlike laugh, filled with excitement and pleasure all mixed into one. I love this woman. 

“Well let’s get this show on the road shall we?” 

Faye Simone, she’s my gem. 

Pushing emotions away in the process. (Part one) 

My soul rips apart heavy tears of hatred flowing through my eyes

Just the sight alone makes me wanna despise 

Slightly hanging on to hope that I know I shouldn’t dare touch

Anger ripped my chest open preparing it for a punch

Having resentment for them is not a pleasant thing to face

Seeing the shadow of an image brings me disgrace 

The thought alone keeps me shut

So when I find myself over heating all I can bring to my lips is “but”

But nothing, no worries, things will get figured out

My heart’s  growing strong with wisdom that I don’t know about 

Well, I know it, but I cannot see it

Trying to understand how one can tolerate so much bullshit 

I’m not a person that can be patient for very long, 

It gets tiring listening to that same “song” 

I’m better than what I’ve been before

Try looking at another perspective trying to open a door

It’s harder than it looks, believe me you

Trying to be happy when it isn’t true

I’d be happy if things went how they were wished

So it’s just left in the water, like an unwashed dish. 

Tea with lemon and honey should help out

Maybe with a little whiskey, and I won’t shout

Silence is my tranquility when there’s a raging fire

Not satisfied when I don’t see the evident desire. 

 

Twisting the realities around

Showing remorse can bring you to your knees, but I’d rather that be the case than to not have endearment for you. I’ve went completely numb due to the lack of love and brutality shown onto me; but you, oh you. 

You bring me body trembles that keep me warm, instead of cold. 

You’re everything I could’ve asked for and yet, I’ve come to terms that we both provide. 

Come, the jazz sessions call your name along with mine

Stroke my strings, like the bass you call yours

Push your breaths on me and press my buttons like the trumpet you sing to. 

Empower me, as I you. 

Drink from me, as I you. 

I promise, my lively liquids will keep you satisfied until you’re ready for more. 

Thank you my love, 

Come drink, for we have the world’s colors to see. 

Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

Beau

Love me down

Finish your plate

Don’t give me a frown

Come here to heavens gate

For the now

My waterfalls will make you weak 

Certain strokes give me “WOW”

Moments 

Come and let me make you tweak 

While I watch you quiver after my love is given 

I bask in my satisfaction of your surrender

This was wholeheartedly driven 

My mentality and vibes are benders

I bend broken hearts and build them anew 

Giving you my liquids from my fountain

Come sit next to me and enjoy the view 

The view from skies to oceans to the top of a mountain

With you inside of me, I see your colors spring about

I grab your heart from inside of your body, to give it a kiss, just to put it back

Look me in my eyes so I can turn you out

I keep my clothes on to keep your imagination in tack 

We can never lose ourselves in a drought

Our bodies must be flowing rivers of life

Come taste it

Fondle me like you would a fife 

Put your fingers in the holes, filling them up, with no exit

Stay. Forever. 

And never leave

Compared to most, I’m pretty clever

Come to me, and receive 

This gift I give you, that takes you to a different element

I promise I’ll be a good girl

I promise I’ll repent 

Make me unfurl 

I’ll make you wild

Happy, and intrigued with this game we play 

Your smile will be bigger than a child’s 

So speed up, I don’t have all day. 

Meet me here then over there,

I’ll lick your spots

Just tell me where

Connecting them like stars that connect dots.

Come lay in between my legs, 

You’re not entering, just simply sharing an intimate position

Talk to me like a puppy that begs 

Let me be your physician 

I’ll put you back into place

I can make you remember 

Leaving long strokes of my tongue on your face

Then on your back that’s hotter than ember 

But I’ll cool off, and so will you.

Come love me down,

You beau. 

Wings, souls, shelter, never left behind.

Smiles cut deep

Innocent like the newborn sheep

Lions are not allowed to fall in love

Yet your silence grips me softer than a dove’s 

Wings 

Things

They can never change

Well there’s possibility 

But then there’s rearrange

Ment 

I mean I meant

Meant to keep your heart safe

I’ll hold you in my armored arms my dearest waif

I’ll give you shelter something you’ll need

For it is not water you drink, but my lfe’s liquid I’ve sacrificed for you, so I bleed

I’m not ashamed, to show how I feel 

Showing you a heaven is ideal

My soul become your wings, for they’ll give you strength to fly 

For my love is never just simple, it’s conceived to multiply 

I give you life, through me, take my hand allow me to lead the way 

Things are subjective be that as it may

Sleep on my chest, allow my beating compassion to be your ticking clock

Perfecting your hearing when my lover knocks

Knocks on the doors to your heart 

Follow me to clear waters of the dock so you may witness the reflection that’ll counterpart 

Counterpart your heart, soul, mind and emotions 

That’ll bring out my countless devotions

For your safety, and your piece of mind;

I promise for my sake and yours, that I’ll never leave you behind. 

Stay like that

Have you ever felt like the world could be a crashing, complete demolishing, mess, but yet in that moment, you seem to notice how grateful you are. Those days are the ones where you have to grasp onto reality and see how fortunate you really are. People complain about the simplicity of life, without even realizing first and foremost, YOU’RE BREATHING !!!!!!! 

You could’ve been dead, paralyzed, deaf, blind, injured, in a life changing disaster. But no, you’re alive. Take time to thank the universe for everything that you have, and what you don’t have. I know that second part sounds funny, but honestly, ponder on that; you possess what you need, most of the time it’s not the things you want, which I’m more than sure it can be frustrating, but if you’re in the middle of getting yourself together you can’t focus on what you’d like and want, you’ve got to stay hungry for what you need in life to remain alive, and most importantly humbled. Furthermore you have to show thanks, because everything you obtain, can be taken from you like a rug being pulled from under you. 

One beautiful day, someone will be rude to you, someone will hurt your feelings, and at a certain point and time, someone will break your heart, so it is your JOB as a human being, to remain calm and take advantage of the glory which, if you haven’t noticed, is all around you.

 Let’s use it as an analogy.

The trees get rained on by the sky so many times a day, a week, a month, even more during a year, and yet, they don’t decide to break away from their roots firmly planted in the ground, instead, they grow, so beautifully. Doesn’t that make you want to cry ? They keep their head(branches) up and continue to look at the bigger purpose/ picture. 

Growth will make you better, every single day, you just have to push yourself to that very point. 

So when you’re having a great day, noticing how blessed you are, in that moment, give thanks, to the 

  1. Universe
  2. And to yourself

I say yourself because, you can give up at any given moment. You really can, but if you know that you want more out of life, and you yearn to be content with life as well as yourself, you continue to push, and let me tell you something, it’s HARD ! So hard, that you want to cry or get so aggravated that you want to storm out and walk off of the edge of the world, but think about it……… 

the same energy you put into quitting is the same energy you should apply to winning and happiness. Because you deserve that . You deserve the world. If you work for it. 

So if you’re happy today, stay like that 💚.

If you let me. 

The long strokes of your index and middle finger send chills down my spine, after it’s all done, conversation is something I become addicted to. Your mouth filled with so much honey, while my mind pursuades me to take a lick to share your taste. There’s nothing better than this. Your imperfections speak so sensually to me, making it extremely difficult for me to pin point as to how they’re not good enough for you. 

I laid here expecting so little, instead I’ve received so much more. This position here is where I’d like to stay for the rest of the night. Your brown eyes giving me a reflection of my own. There’s nothing that I could desire any more than this. I appreciate your company, in fact I’ve yearned for it for far too long.

But answer me this, are you used to the caresses I’ve been handing you ? Does it feel like home ? Will you be able to see my woman like chest as your safe haven when you’ve had a bad day? Are you comfortable enough to lay on it and tell me your hopes and dreams ? How can I make you feel safe ? 

My body becomes your office of therapy, for all I know you’ve accepted others. The only difference is they’ve looked for security through you, while I offer you my own secure essence of safety through my arms and my soul. 

I see your chest as something to lay my hand on. The heartbeat through your ribs have given me such a deep sense of withdrawal. Withdrawal of love and peace. I’ve longed to bring tranquility to you, but only if you let me .

My presence

It’s a shame how you embarrass flowers, how one look from your eyes to their pedals, sends them flying away looking for new soil to grow in. I looked at you this morning and I was in total shock ! You’ve gotten so much rest that your eyes shine brighter than gold; your black pupils are masked by your puppy brown eyes gleaming in the sun. Your skin, there’s something different about it. Your hair! When was the last time you dyed it ? It looks beautifully natural! Your hips, how curvy they can be, your belly button resembles a long oval waiting to be touched. Your thighs, how warm your hands feel when they are placed in between them. The bouncing curls from your soft bushy hair, resembling the circular motions of a slinky. Oh how I can look at you forever. I mean, how can I not ? Everything on you could be with someone else but it isn’t. I mean sure there’s better looking people than you, everyone knows that. But the way you bring your imperfections to life with your wit and your silly little laughs, it makes me want to cry, really. Your smile is so unique but broad and it waits every second of the day to be brought out by someone’s humor. You’re everything a woman should be. Proud. Elegant, smart, content and appreciative of who you are and what you have ! How you walk with your heels first before your toes touch the ground, how you shake your hips to the beautiful tunes as you cook, you’re perfect. In your own way . 

Interesting, what else ?

Have you ever been so hungry that your stomach starts singing to your ears ? 

I’m sure you have. 

The thing is here, my hunger is a little different from that particular hunger. 

I hear ticking in my head. My little ol’ head. It says tick tick tick tick, it’s a song that’s set on repeat and lasts Day and night. I can even hear it in my dreams. I call it, the ticking time clock. You see, the more I learn the faster it ticks. The more it ticks the faster my brain becomes filled with the yearning sensation of gaining new knowledge. 

I’ve always heard “you’re too curious”, “curiosity killed the cat!” I reply “and satisfaction brought it back” “don’t do that! You’ll end up hurting yourself!” “Be careful, you shouldn’t do that. You don’t know what’s there” 

The problem here is, I’ve always been a problem child. Growing up, I’ve always gotten reprimanded for every little thing I did, because I was too curious for my own good. I’m too smart for my own good. But I really can’t help it. Maybe if I explain myself a little better I could get the full point across ? 

When I see something new, I investigate. I look through the ins and outs of every single situation I put myself through whether it be good or bad, I always make sure I have a back up plan if my investigations go sour. Then I put it in my brain and go look for something else to discover. 

My problem is, I’m never content with the knowledge I receive. I’ve never been the type of individual to be happy to learn one thing at a time. I like to bombard my mind with things that are foreign to me and my brain so I can find some type of connection between the numerous things I’ve recently learned and it has happened before, well, pretty much all of the time. Sometimes I wonder if there’s only but so much learning one man and or woman can do. 

But then I answer my own question in the midst of thinking about a different answer; the world doesn’t have all of these countries, and languages to sit there and get looked at. They’re there for curious people that want the most out of their lives. It’s for those that crave the vibrations of a new language tickling their spine, for those that crave a new taste in their mouth, that yearn for a new place to have the sun beeming in their faces and the breath of new fresh air . 

It’s really bad isn’t it ? Hmm, I bet it is. But that’s okay. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only human being on the face of this earth that feels that way. Hopefully this makes you yearn for a ticking time clock in your head . 

Until then, I can only investigate and imagine what I’m going to see next !