The beauty of getting things done.

We all have an agenda that has check boxes that need to be checked off. Even dimsided individuals have them for their dimsided “necessities”, point being we all have things we need to do.

Moments that we’re so focused on making sure that they happen, leave us in the most vulnerable position in life believe it or not.

 

We forget our origin. We get wrapped up with our NOW and our GOAL POINT when our surroundings could get tough and weigh down heavy on us.

That’s a dangerous zone to be in. We forget who’s really there for us who really wants us to prosper, fail, what we want to be and where we want to go. So many options, so many things, you don’t want limitations.

However, there are no limitations with the right people down your path.

We remember them and certain moments, when we’re able to, when we have the time, showing in that exact second they’re not as much of a priority as we’d want them to think, in that result. It happens out of rushing and angst that we won’t reach our destination because the journey is getting harder. We don’t want to hurt them by not giving them enough time and effort, but it happens anyway.

The hardest journeys reveal who comes back to get their hands dirty again just to sculpt a better tomorrow regardless of any situation.

Truth be told, there’s no real cure for taking things for granted, unless there’s an actual devastating occurrence. When that occurs, the reality hits and you feel that rock bottom is your closest friend.

 

It isn’t. It’s you against you. It will forever be that. Rock bottom is an alter ego for your original name. You get yourself up, by yourself, and stand up BY YOURSELF.

Thats what you want to think, but we all lose sight about those that are cheering so silently, so far away, yet closest to our hearts that their strength exceeds any distance, any space and remains the bungee cords that pulls you up from any fall just to dust you off and tell you “get back out there”. The fault is ours for not making them a priority in our list of daily priorities that need to get done.

A foundation is built by passion, and emotion before logic ever kicks in. It’s the cement that holds the bricks down instead of logic being the only thing that stands in a twigsh manner falling without any comfort at night.

Our brains get tired, but our hearts beat repeatedly, no matter the cost. To abuse that, is to abuse yourself. To lose memory of that is to become another number on the cattle shelf.

Being numb can only get you but so far; living on a logical affectionate daily risk, with double supported plans from a-z?

Thats progress.

This is too true.

Cross off the affection box every day, because it might erase itself in fear that you won’t ever check it again.

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Perfection in an imperfect society

Professional pretender how i adore you

I couldnt ever retain anger towards something so beautiful

My heart is crippled by the tight grip you have around it

The adrenaline puts my body in place and gets me ready to start;

Start a race between my heart and a car

My heart’s valves pumps blood speedily, giving this dodge an unfair take off. Horse power couldnt ever be compared to the stars that sneak their way through my cells into my heart, in my mind,

making them project through my eyes. 

How i long to taste your wonderful imagination continously with no intermjsson.

Yet my past is the one to blame

Self love is not a dilemma on my behalf, for insecurities of unfaithfulness strike my beating organ, making it pause, while my visual cortex takes over, munipulating my tears, when the smallest doubt comes into mind

I still crave, and attempt to trust you with the blindest faith known to man.

You wouldn’t hurt me… 

As far as my own fear would want to deny, I have hope in you 

Whiplash comes about even when your name is spoken. 

Nights under a sky is all that is ever needed to be reminded that life is too fast 

To stay angry at the past.

My body lingers in bed forcing memories to project against the walls of my eyes. 

Legs wrapping around a waist

 and arms get a little taste 

Of what a perfect wide back feels like when fingertips graze against the smallest form of a circle on the left hand side of a shoulder.

Stay here

That was all i could whisper to myself when you’re not near.

The scooped spoon imprint in ice cream formed on a neck is the perfect spot for a smooth chin that longs to be touched by the blood pressure of one that couldn’t possibly understand what her legs feel like when he’s simply breathing.

Gasps for air conditioning one to settle with small reps of limited breaths, 

You couldn’t understand love as such jf you’re not an alien; for only the two can comprehend what intellectual fireworks look like


-on a beach .

My observation of Faye part 2

“You ready?” Her breaths came as a shock to me, I’d never thought that once in my life I’d see her breathe this hard, I haven’t even penetrated her yet. “You sure?” Faye laughed, speaking so gently, as if she wasn’t just breathing harder than a marathon runner. “Yes Lucas, I’m ready.” I reached for her hand, but there was that feeling again; she smiled and put her arm over her chest, and muttered “well, what’s wrong with me this time?” “Nothing” I said, “It’s just, you’re really going to let this happen?” I didn’t think that you and I would, you know, be here doin- wait, you were breathing hard like that because you’re nervous?” That was it. Bingo. She was scared, she kept covering her chest and her eyes, and didn’t want me to touch her yet until she was ready. “Come lay down with me, let me explain something to you Lucas, in detail.” She caught me off guard but I did as she said anyways. “Give me your hand, and please tell me what you feel.” She began to smile, “stop being such a lion heart, feel my hand and tell me what you feel.” I began to grow a little nervous because I had never taken the time to fully analyze how her hands are so much smaller than mine, yet they’re so strong but softer than a child’s cheek. The way her hand fit into mine, was as if it belonged there, purposely belonged there. 

I started to get scared now, because she was everything I could ever dream of, and ye- “Just because we make love tonight does not mean I will be chasing after you okay? I. Don’t. Chase. I don’t compete either. So remember that, because you have one time to slip up, now tell me how beautiful I am, and make my dreams into a reality.” All I could do was laugh. Her confidence, her spunk, she wasn’t God’s gift to men, but her smile and her spirit made it all worth it to say she was. “Faye?” “Yes Lucas?” “I- I love you.” “Don’t just love me, but enjoy me while you love me. I’m only here for a certain amount of time, make it useful.” When she put that into perspective, a sort of an anguished feeling began to grow within my abdomen. “Why would you say that?” She chuckled “because you can get any little girl you’d like, but not me. You have to work for my love, I’m not going to just give it to you, Prince Charming. You can fool them but not me. So because I’m making you realize my worth, I’m letting you know that you need to take advantage of it now before I’m gone tomorrow, or whenever the reaper calls on me. You won’t be able to do it when I’m dead now would you?” 

The girl made a point. 

I will forever love her, and won’t ever stop. 

Short and sweet 


The worlds way of showing us how simplicity is really the cure to a multitude of mislead souls, we’ve been stuck in the one track minded mental, brought to think that whatever anyone else is doing, we must do better, and boast about it through a façade of humbled behavior.. that’s not the wave… sad to say that we all get stuck in it at some point in time, it’s up to you whether you stay stuck in a circled drain mentality, there’s ups and downs to every situation; for we might not know why and how, we all get frustrated and perplexed. Yet in those moments most of us cling to the, what we’d like to call, “comfort”, of our emotions, and steering away from positive logic thought. Bringing yourself to terms, with yourself, being kind to yourself, things will occur that you’d never imagine, contentment will be in your favor. Keeping that faith, and discipline, is the hardest part; so it can and will be done, if pursued. 

My observation of Faye

Her legs had a sort of dramatic touch around her knees, as if there’s too much muscle built around it. But I love it. It’s like she’s strong in her own way, with a certain specific body part of hers. Hypothetically I would’ve been all over her by this time, but it’s something about her that makes her different from the rest. She’s gold to me, her thick hair makes it difficult to not touch. It’s like once my hand is in there, I suddenly gain an addiction to her thrusting in what seems to be the softest grass. I knew she wanted me to touch her, but the way she inhales the blunt with each pull, she makes love to my mind. Her imagination runs wild, I mean, I could’ve poured all of the persuasions that I’ve used before, along with newly developed speeches filled with empty promises. But not her; not this one. She was too pure, feels things too deeply, it’s like she’s the sudden remedy to my numb being. In every way I can possibly think of. 

“You’ve read all of those books huh? You must find the words on the pages as an outlet to interest your mind.” Speaking softly with angelic voice, I knew she would be expecting a well thought response. 

“Yes, in fact if you’d like, you can borrow them and just bring them back when you’re done.”

She laughed

“What makes you think I want to see you again?”

“Well, not really but I would like to see you a few more times. But if you’re not down with that, then that’s cool.”

“Well, guess I won’t be boring that book then.” She put forth a bit of a sarcastic tone to her voice that I know I cannot resist.

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. She’s stubborn. I like it. 

“You don’t have to take it like that, I’m joking with you, I want to see you again. Is that better?”

“It was good either way captain obvious, I knew you wanted to see me, you’ve been staring at me for a good 20 minutes. You want some more? There’s only a few pulls left.” 

She passed me the joint and caressed my hand giving me goosebumps with her fingernails lightly scratching my hand. I finished it, and began to address her physically. Right before I went to take my pants off she says: ” I don’t mean to sound sleazy but tease me. I don’t want it if its that easy.” 

I laughed and smiled at her wonderous dark brown eyes. I never thought a woman like her would ever exist in my life.

“That’s fine, shall I proceed to use my voice as a stimulation? I’m great at weird conversations and even better while using my fingers”

She let out to what seemed to me, a childlike laugh, filled with excitement and pleasure all mixed into one. I love this woman. 

“Well let’s get this show on the road shall we?” 

Faye Simone, she’s my gem. 

Pushing emotions away in the process. (Part one) 

My soul rips apart heavy tears of hatred flowing through my eyes

Just the sight alone makes me wanna despise 

Slightly hanging on to hope that I know I shouldn’t dare touch

Anger ripped my chest open preparing it for a punch

Having resentment for them is not a pleasant thing to face

Seeing the shadow of an image brings me disgrace 

The thought alone keeps me shut

So when I find myself over heating all I can bring to my lips is “but”

But nothing, no worries, things will get figured out

My heart’s  growing strong with wisdom that I don’t know about 

Well, I know it, but I cannot see it

Trying to understand how one can tolerate so much bullshit 

I’m not a person that can be patient for very long, 

It gets tiring listening to that same “song” 

I’m better than what I’ve been before

Try looking at another perspective trying to open a door

It’s harder than it looks, believe me you

Trying to be happy when it isn’t true

I’d be happy if things went how they were wished

So it’s just left in the water, like an unwashed dish. 

Tea with lemon and honey should help out

Maybe with a little whiskey, and I won’t shout

Silence is my tranquility when there’s a raging fire

Not satisfied when I don’t see the evident desire. 

 

Twisting the realities around

Showing remorse can bring you to your knees, but I’d rather that be the case than to not have endearment for you. I’ve went completely numb due to the lack of love and brutality shown onto me; but you, oh you. 

You bring me body trembles that keep me warm, instead of cold. 

You’re everything I could’ve asked for and yet, I’ve come to terms that we both provide. 

Come, the jazz sessions call your name along with mine

Stroke my strings, like the bass you call yours

Push your breaths on me and press my buttons like the trumpet you sing to. 

Empower me, as I you. 

Drink from me, as I you. 

I promise, my lively liquids will keep you satisfied until you’re ready for more. 

Thank you my love, 

Come drink, for we have the world’s colors to see. 

Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

Beau

Love me down

Finish your plate

Don’t give me a frown

Come here to heavens gate

For the now

My waterfalls will make you weak 

Certain strokes give me “WOW”

Moments 

Come and let me make you tweak 

While I watch you quiver after my love is given 

I bask in my satisfaction of your surrender

This was wholeheartedly driven 

My mentality and vibes are benders

I bend broken hearts and build them anew 

Giving you my liquids from my fountain

Come sit next to me and enjoy the view 

The view from skies to oceans to the top of a mountain

With you inside of me, I see your colors spring about

I grab your heart from inside of your body, to give it a kiss, just to put it back

Look me in my eyes so I can turn you out

I keep my clothes on to keep your imagination in tack 

We can never lose ourselves in a drought

Our bodies must be flowing rivers of life

Come taste it

Fondle me like you would a fife 

Put your fingers in the holes, filling them up, with no exit

Stay. Forever. 

And never leave

Compared to most, I’m pretty clever

Come to me, and receive 

This gift I give you, that takes you to a different element

I promise I’ll be a good girl

I promise I’ll repent 

Make me unfurl 

I’ll make you wild

Happy, and intrigued with this game we play 

Your smile will be bigger than a child’s 

So speed up, I don’t have all day. 

Meet me here then over there,

I’ll lick your spots

Just tell me where

Connecting them like stars that connect dots.

Come lay in between my legs, 

You’re not entering, just simply sharing an intimate position

Talk to me like a puppy that begs 

Let me be your physician 

I’ll put you back into place

I can make you remember 

Leaving long strokes of my tongue on your face

Then on your back that’s hotter than ember 

But I’ll cool off, and so will you.

Come love me down,

You beau. 

Wings, souls, shelter, never left behind.

Smiles cut deep

Innocent like the newborn sheep

Lions are not allowed to fall in love

Yet your silence grips me softer than a dove’s 

Wings 

Things

They can never change

Well there’s possibility 

But then there’s rearrange

Ment 

I mean I meant

Meant to keep your heart safe

I’ll hold you in my armored arms my dearest waif

I’ll give you shelter something you’ll need

For it is not water you drink, but my lfe’s liquid I’ve sacrificed for you, so I bleed

I’m not ashamed, to show how I feel 

Showing you a heaven is ideal

My soul become your wings, for they’ll give you strength to fly 

For my love is never just simple, it’s conceived to multiply 

I give you life, through me, take my hand allow me to lead the way 

Things are subjective be that as it may

Sleep on my chest, allow my beating compassion to be your ticking clock

Perfecting your hearing when my lover knocks

Knocks on the doors to your heart 

Follow me to clear waters of the dock so you may witness the reflection that’ll counterpart 

Counterpart your heart, soul, mind and emotions 

That’ll bring out my countless devotions

For your safety, and your piece of mind;

I promise for my sake and yours, that I’ll never leave you behind.