Live with it, or change it…. gradually :) 

The smallest things count, yet at the very same parallel moment, they don’t. 

Have you ever wondered if saving the world, is something that really should be considered ? 

Let’s put it like this, 

America, the great, the brave, the strong slogan “united we stand” but they never mentioned individually you fall if you can’t keep up.

By keeping up I’m connoting the realization of the way America presents international problems as their own, when in reality, it isn’t, it’s because they’re nosy.

In certain cases of course. 

Don’t waste food, kids and people as a generality are suffering in third world countries, so it’s placed on our shoulders to care and to not let a grain go to waste. Yet the obesity levels in America is astonishingly saddening. While putting meals together and delivering them to those that are really in need is a problem if there’s not a dime involved. 

Ever seen avatar ? 

The same method of Andrew Jackson, and seemingly the same method that President Donald Trump is presenting, subconsciously, to others, there’s no sign of coequalness. People are being told that social media will give you all of the news you need to hear or learn about, but, it’s hard to stay engrossed when the same thing is happening on there too. Yet people enjoy it, makes you wonder are human brains getting smaller? 

Wars are being threatened with, when in reality, there’s billions of people at stake, lives that could be lost, that could be transitioned from excellent to a nightmarish hell. 

Social media has made it a habitual thing to make fun of the world’s devistating news. The intentness is on the humor more than it is on the seriousness of situations that the “United States of America” is faced with. 

While in the long run, people confabulate about world peace and thoughts that could be made into a reality through time, effort, and plans that are set up to be executed. 

The faith I have within humanity, it’s sickening sometimes, but I believe that one special day, the façades of the mask wearers will be exposed and their insecurities would be something that could be worked on, instead of ridiculed by the same people that feel the same things as them, if not deeper. 

Sweet release 

Pain

It’ll make you go insane 

Something in the brain

Makes you think too much

It’s like a punch 

In the gut, then to the face 

Suddenly I feel a need to pace 

Back and forth just like these thoughts

It’s a disease that needs to be fought

Better off easier said than done

But in the end, the thoughts have won 

Knowing what’s said to the cardinal, is never fully true 

Leaving space for the spinning room’s doubts towards you .

I concur to certain phrases

But this heart of mine is built like a bunch of broken vases 

It’s not like I try to be better than I was yesterday because I do

But the only thing that’s holding me back is you .

Your thoughts, mind, soul, and feelings Suddenly erupt 

It’s like a conversation that shouldn’t be interrupt…Ed

Putting yourself in my shoes will show you how I think 

In the final chapter I am my own shrink

I hold myself at night 

Not letting go, gripping tight

Rock back and forth just to sleep

While others count numerous things, I’d count you before I’d count sheep

It’s deep, this connection I have within my brain

So go ahead and feed me that bullshit saying “you don’t feel the same”

Way . 

Believing lies are easy

Believing the truth makes my breathless heart wheezy

Laying solo allowing the empty breeze to come in

While suddenly realizing my patience is running thin 

My heart beats rapidly in the middle of my slumber 

While my mind comes to a rumble of paranoid thunder

Toes wiggle while fingers clutch to these twin sheets

Legs suddenly crossed feeling a panic forcing me to fleet

Sure the right words are spoken, but they can never fool this third eye

Seeing your front gives me reason to just walk on by

By your face, your smile, and your scent

Why do I feel a sudden need to repent ? 

I allow your vibe to flow deep through and within me 

Chains shackled on my soul that yearns to be free

Free with you, on the surface of the moon

Forcing me to deal with the reality too soon. 

You’re gone. And never will be back

Reach me soon so I can read Saturn’s table zodiac

Trying to reach to the other side

Knowing that it’s not where I can abide 

I’m trying my hardest to keep you close to me 

Not recognizing that you’re the frenemy

Breaking my trust and heart piece by piece

Waiting for these tears to open their show of sweet release . 

A rant that has been long overdue. 

Correct me if I’m absurdly wrong but, relationships… aren’t they supposed to help people grow ? Isn’t it something that you’re supposed to hold dear and close ? Isn’t it something like let’s see …. oh .. wait.. that’s been ruined for decades, let’s be real, today’s relationships have gone to shit. One person believes they’re in love while the other is off not paying attention to the one they have at home because they’re not who they actually thought they were or because it was all lies and fake relations .. it all comes back to being true to who you are . 

WHY ON EARTH would anyone ever lie about themselves ? Why on heavens grounds will there be an actual person acting or pretending to be who they are not ? This is exactly why there’s so many problems in this world, lies… they’ve got to stop. It’s like you’re false advertising yourself and expecting to end up happy after you show your true colors … 

WHAT ?!?

People have lost the value of humanity and self respect. You’re supposed to be proud of who you are and loyal to who you are, why would you want to have it a different way ? What because you’re fantasy is somehow going to be your reality some day ? It’s not going to happen like that. Never will for the most part. If you work hard for yourself, allow your money to work for you instead of you working for your money, find who you are in your very own universe and mind your business when other stuff that happens doesn’t pertain to you, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to live a happy life. 

It’s like too many people get a rush of feeding off of negative energy and it’s driving me nuts! But one thing that I’ve noticed as well, stereotypes have been a big role in today’s society, skinny people want to be thick and thick people want to be skinny, obese individuals call themselves thick now, and we’re all supposed to live a jolly life while we see armageddon happen before our eyes. Laying down everyday and not doing anything has been the new “hobby”. Social media is being used for gossip and hatred instead of research and knowledge. It’s like everything is backwards. 

Insecurity has got to be the number one illness in America… in the world in fact. There’s a cycle, or maybe let’s think of it as a flow chart shall we ? 

Insecurity leads to 

Jealousy which leads to 

Self doubt, which leads to

Bullying which leads to 

Spreading your negativity through others

Which leads to a slow death. 

Remember what I said about worrying about your own and minding your business? Yeah it plays a role here too. 

People hate just because it’s like every person they see, they visualize some kind of part of themself that wants to be like someone else, as well as not loving themselves enough finding it easier to pick on another person for being themselves just so they can feel much better. And it’s all because of course once again, society, due to the fact that is has made it better for others to believe that being the next this or that will get you places when in reality, you’re just another copy waiting on the food chain to get eaten up by negative comments or fake fans that “track” your every move. Who wants to live a life like that ? Constantly in someone else’s mouth or mouths, my father has always quoted Bruce Lee (his idol) and he said “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory” 

So, I guess that’ll explain everyone’s gold plated jewelry claiming that it’s all real gold? Or showing all the money that you have on social media and then crying broke because you got robbed or spent it all ? 

I want to live a life not away from people but away from society’s rules. They’re stupid, they superfluous and down right excuse my expression, retarded. 

In high school there was a guy who had Down syndrome in our school. Very out going and extremely talkative, but I loved it, the kid had character I mean, you can’t blame him for being himself, fully and faithfully. He was literally all he had in that school besides me and a few other peers and teachers. But of course, insecurity kicks in, the jocks, even losers and loners picked on him, senior year came around and he was so excited to graduate, but he didn’t walk, hell, he didn’t even show up, parents were there for him and everything, unfortunately 2 hours later, his mother had to find out through a horrifying missed call/ voicemail that her son took his very own life because he wasn’t “good enough” now listen to this,

I remember a friend of mine had a daughter and was so upset because her daughter has Down syndrome which led me to believe that she was ashamed, I then proceeded to ask her why was she so upset, she answered in a barbaric tone, “my kid is stupid alright? She’s slow, she’s a liability, I can’t live like this.” Three years later ended up loving the child to death, I now ask her, how’s your little angel ? She answers “oh you mean my little big Einstein?” 

Moral of that story is, people that pick on others are the ones that you really need to watch out for, they’re so scared of being who they are because of society, it’s almost as equal as committing a sin, if you’re not with the “in” crowd. I find the total thing to be a pure cimmerian hell. Who wants to live like that ? No one. 

Is it or is it not ?!?

What I believe to be the causes of death are

  1. Procrastination 
  2. Lies
  3. Hate/ jealousy 
  4. Inconsistency 
  5. Lack of ambition 
  6. Self pitying 

All of these things allow people to stay behind and not progress in life, speaking of things that they wish and or want to happen, but don’t have the drive, ambition, passion, motivation, vision, and dream for it, will cause them to hate life. Believe me you, I’ve seen it first hand from friends I thought I would always have in my life. Apparently working hard for what they wanted was too hard, and they thought it was better to stay comfortable than to move forward as well as progress. 

If you allow it to happen to you willingly, just remember what you’re giving up . 

Keep pushing ! Keep striving !  

The Talisman

Her walk: glorious

Her voice: gracious

Her smile: out of this world

Her ambition: bigger than anyone else’s 

Someone was always running towards her for advice, for comfort, for shelter, for food, for a good laugh, you name it, she was the mother to a safe haven; everything about her screamed independence. 

My mother’s sister she was, but to me, and almost every cousin and family member I could think of, she was our mother, something about her couldn’t ever be replaced, it was like she was our super hero. 

For your understanding here are some stories

  1. Maryland

She drove to my house in downtown Elizabeth (at that time being) and asked my mother to send me downstairs. Automatically I ran down, because whenever Myrta was around, you knew it would be a great genuine time. She seen me, put her arms up in the air forming a kind of squared shaped ‘u’ and she then let out her famous laugh and saying “Hey miss thing!” She then asked me how did I feel about taking a road trip, now before I go on, think to yourself, how would an 11 year old girl feel about taking a road trip with her favorite aunt ? Overwhelmed might be the proper word for it. 

Continuing on…

“What’s that look for ? You look like someone told you that you won one trillion dollars!” I mean why wouldn’t I have that face right ? I ran up the stairs and got my clothes ready for an eventful weekend. When I came back downstairs she had the trunk prepared for my duffle bag, I couldn’t wait for this road trip to begin. Two hours in the drive, her gps had started to act up, continuously saying turn right, turn right, turn right! Never have I ever seen her get so upset with technology! She threw the gps out of the window and pulled out the printed directions off of mapquest, I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. The playlist on this car ride went from the O’jays, Marvin gaye, the temptations, Gladys Knight, Oscar DeLeon, prince, The Weezers, house music, classical music, the list goes on and on, but I didn’t take the music for granted. 

   2. Sonya’s baby shower

I remember sitting there waiting for my cousin Sonya to hurry up and walk in for the surprise baby shower, but of course Sonya will be Sonya, she wasn’t really surprised she had a look of confusion in other words, she was kind of expecting this to happen she had us all laughing and crying in tears. 

But Myrta, she loved Sonya’s belly, she had been next to my mother and I, simply saying “she’s so beautiful pregnant, she has the perfect belly, we didn’t have that !” And there went that famous laugh of hers, as she spoke to my mother. Myrta wore such a beautiful black and white dress, which she absolutely loved wearing. Black and white were her favorite colors.

         3. My sweet sixteen. 

Beauty is something that can be bought but never instilled. Myrta was beautiful inside and out, and on my sweet sixteen she received a lucky candle that I gave to her. She thanked me, but before she did that, she brought my dress, and told me to never let it go. Which I don’t intend on doing. 

     4. Florida 

My parents, George and Sylvia as well as my aunt Myrta and myself rode 15 hours to Florida, I would have to say, that had to be the best time of my life, Titi Myrta introduced me to Starbucks coffee for the first time. We had to stop multiple times due to Myrta’s diabetes. But I didn’t mind it, we stopped at many fine places 

  1. Dine in motel that had so many hillbillies, but they were so kind ! Titi Myrta told me to try their grits and the way they made them. She said learning new things had to be the ultimate goal in everyone’s lives, “it feeds your brain nena.” She used to tell me that so many times.
  2. Waffle House. That was my first time going there ever. I strongly encourage readers to go there asap, any Waffle House will do, as long as you have their whipped cream strawberry waffles with ice cream and a cherry on top!
  3. Cracker Barrel, best food on earth !!! 
  4. A souvenir store inside of Cracker Barrel, that store had so many shiny stones made me want to take all of them home

We did so much in Florida, but most of all, we all had an amazing time. We seen 3 alligators crossing the street as if they owned it, Myrta took a picture of them and said they resembled the three stooges. We went to at least 5 flea markets as well as thrift stores and went for walks under the Floridian starry sky. Unfortunately this is where the story goes sour. Titi Myrta grabbed her hair to put into a ponytail and noticed a chunk came out, she had been losing so much weight, but automatically thought it had been due to having diabetes. Sadly we didn’t take notice that it would later be caused by lung cancer .

       5. Pennsylvania 

Allentown, Pennsylvania is where my father’s sister Nela stayed; she used to live there, having such an enormous but simple home. Pure beauty. Titi Nela and her sons and daughter treated Myrta with such great hospitality; serving her whatever she wished to eat and offered to take her wherever she had wanted to go. But one thing that caught me off guard was Tori. Tori had been my aunt Nela’s dog/daughter/partner in crime. She was an American bull dog mixed with a pitbull terrier, she was beautiful and looked like a cow. Black and white. Never in my life did I ever expect Tori and Myrta to click the way they did only because Titi didn’t like big dogs near her. But tori made her presence very well known with Titi Myrta. She made sure she protected Titi while she stood there and made her final month with her enjoyable. 
      6. Cancer treatment Centers of America 

Titi had her final days here, of course it was never on a good note but she loved the way they treated her there, the nurses just loved her. But Titi had enough of being there after a while. A few weeks after she finished her will, she demanded that she come home (she knew it was time to go and rest but she didn’t want us to know through words so she let us know through her actions.) “They took the parkway!” She calculated in her mind as the ambulance driver took longer than expected to take her home . She never lost her mental. She may have been sick, but she wasn’t dumb. Very smart infact . 

She passed away September 16th, 2012. A year and date I don’t think anyone close to her could ever forget. She was our talisman, she had been our esperance in desperate situations, she was and forever will be our queen.