Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

Pondering multiple random words

Blinded by luscious words

A wish will stay thrown up in the air while getting slapped by the turd 

Nothing is as pleasant as a beautiful night 

Being able to trust your own might

Meaningless conversations bring me to a pause 

Like teachers over analyzing a specific clause

Wishing you were a flower in my hand that blooms 

Everyday 

Every minute 

Every hour

Your lips and fingers feel like other women have been in your presence making me quiver needing to scour 

Depressing laughs bring me to a realization 

Your posionous licks cut my circulation 

“Loves gonna get you killed but pride is gonna be the death of you and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and you and you and me” 

Seeing such a scowl gives me reason to exit to sea

Bleeding for you, attaining knowledge of the ice in your veins 

Keeps growing in my pains 

Fingernails scraping your skin from love making that was too rough

While you fill me up with your slough 

I’ll put happiness inside of you, by will or force 

Putting you in constant jubilee without remorse 

The three words that can make or break you

I love you, I HATE YOU ! 

Those could be the last words you spoke 

My heart still obtains the holes which you have poke-d 

Simple laughs and complex mind readings

That shall result in my beheadings

Of mind and soul

My Body could never be an option in this role 
For it’s too strong to let you hold it prisoner 

Although I’ve often prayed for a conditioner 

For your aura

Because it’s harder than coral 

When dried

Though I’ve cried

I’ve seen days better than this

I’m more than grateful for this ignorant bliss

For you think I’m not enlightened

But I am have knowledge of a plethora of things that can keep you frightened 

Don’t push what you don’t know 

Due to the soap opera also known as your show

It’s fine. 

I’ll be “blind” 

Wings, souls, shelter, never left behind.

Smiles cut deep

Innocent like the newborn sheep

Lions are not allowed to fall in love

Yet your silence grips me softer than a dove’s 

Wings 

Things

They can never change

Well there’s possibility 

But then there’s rearrange

Ment 

I mean I meant

Meant to keep your heart safe

I’ll hold you in my armored arms my dearest waif

I’ll give you shelter something you’ll need

For it is not water you drink, but my lfe’s liquid I’ve sacrificed for you, so I bleed

I’m not ashamed, to show how I feel 

Showing you a heaven is ideal

My soul become your wings, for they’ll give you strength to fly 

For my love is never just simple, it’s conceived to multiply 

I give you life, through me, take my hand allow me to lead the way 

Things are subjective be that as it may

Sleep on my chest, allow my beating compassion to be your ticking clock

Perfecting your hearing when my lover knocks

Knocks on the doors to your heart 

Follow me to clear waters of the dock so you may witness the reflection that’ll counterpart 

Counterpart your heart, soul, mind and emotions 

That’ll bring out my countless devotions

For your safety, and your piece of mind;

I promise for my sake and yours, that I’ll never leave you behind. 

Stay like that

Have you ever felt like the world could be a crashing, complete demolishing, mess, but yet in that moment, you seem to notice how grateful you are. Those days are the ones where you have to grasp onto reality and see how fortunate you really are. People complain about the simplicity of life, without even realizing first and foremost, YOU’RE BREATHING !!!!!!! 

You could’ve been dead, paralyzed, deaf, blind, injured, in a life changing disaster. But no, you’re alive. Take time to thank the universe for everything that you have, and what you don’t have. I know that second part sounds funny, but honestly, ponder on that; you possess what you need, most of the time it’s not the things you want, which I’m more than sure it can be frustrating, but if you’re in the middle of getting yourself together you can’t focus on what you’d like and want, you’ve got to stay hungry for what you need in life to remain alive, and most importantly humbled. Furthermore you have to show thanks, because everything you obtain, can be taken from you like a rug being pulled from under you. 

One beautiful day, someone will be rude to you, someone will hurt your feelings, and at a certain point and time, someone will break your heart, so it is your JOB as a human being, to remain calm and take advantage of the glory which, if you haven’t noticed, is all around you.

 Let’s use it as an analogy.

The trees get rained on by the sky so many times a day, a week, a month, even more during a year, and yet, they don’t decide to break away from their roots firmly planted in the ground, instead, they grow, so beautifully. Doesn’t that make you want to cry ? They keep their head(branches) up and continue to look at the bigger purpose/ picture. 

Growth will make you better, every single day, you just have to push yourself to that very point. 

So when you’re having a great day, noticing how blessed you are, in that moment, give thanks, to the 

  1. Universe
  2. And to yourself

I say yourself because, you can give up at any given moment. You really can, but if you know that you want more out of life, and you yearn to be content with life as well as yourself, you continue to push, and let me tell you something, it’s HARD ! So hard, that you want to cry or get so aggravated that you want to storm out and walk off of the edge of the world, but think about it……… 

the same energy you put into quitting is the same energy you should apply to winning and happiness. Because you deserve that . You deserve the world. If you work for it. 

So if you’re happy today, stay like that ūüíö.

If you let me. 

The long strokes of your index and middle finger send chills down my spine, after it’s all done, conversation is something I become addicted to. Your mouth filled with so much honey, while my mind pursuades me to take a lick to share your taste. There’s nothing better than this. Your imperfections speak so sensually to me, making it extremely difficult for me to pin point as to how they’re not good enough for you. 

I laid here expecting so little, instead I’ve received so much more. This position here is where I’d like to stay for the rest of the night. Your brown eyes giving me a reflection of my own. There’s nothing that I could desire any more than this. I appreciate your company, in fact I’ve yearned for it for far too long.

But answer me this, are you used to the caresses I’ve been handing you ? Does it feel like home ? Will you be able to see my woman like chest as your safe haven when you’ve had a bad day? Are you comfortable enough to lay on it and tell me your hopes and dreams ? How can I make you feel safe ? 

My body becomes your office of therapy, for all I know you’ve accepted others. The only difference is they’ve looked for security through you, while I offer you my own secure essence of safety through my arms and my soul. 

I see your chest as something to lay my hand on. The heartbeat through your ribs have given me such a deep sense of withdrawal. Withdrawal of love and peace. I’ve longed to bring tranquility to you, but only if you let me .

My presence

It’s a shame how you embarrass flowers, how one look from your eyes to their pedals, sends them flying away looking for new soil to grow in. I looked at you this morning and I was in total shock ! You’ve gotten so much rest that your eyes shine brighter than gold; your black pupils are masked by your puppy brown eyes gleaming in the sun. Your skin, there’s something different about it. Your hair! When was the last time you dyed it ? It looks beautifully natural! Your hips, how curvy they can be, your belly button resembles a long oval waiting to be touched. Your thighs, how warm your hands feel when they are placed in between them. The bouncing curls from your soft bushy hair, resembling the circular motions of a slinky. Oh how I can look at you forever. I mean, how can I not ? Everything on you could be with someone else but it isn’t. I mean sure there’s better looking people than you, everyone knows that. But the way you bring your imperfections to life with your wit and your silly little laughs, it makes me want to cry, really. Your smile is so unique but broad and it waits every second of the day to be brought out by someone’s humor. You’re everything a woman should be. Proud. Elegant, smart, content and appreciative of who you are and what you have ! How you walk with your heels first before your toes touch the ground, how you shake your hips to the beautiful tunes as you cook, you’re perfect. In your own way . 

Interesting, what else ?

Have you ever been so hungry that your stomach starts singing to your ears ? 

I’m sure you have. 

The thing is here, my hunger is a little different from that particular hunger. 

I hear ticking in my head. My little ol’ head. It says tick tick tick tick, it’s a song that’s set on repeat and lasts Day and night. I can even hear it in my dreams. I call it, the ticking time clock. You see, the more I learn the faster it ticks. The more it ticks the faster my brain becomes filled with the yearning sensation of gaining new knowledge. 

I’ve always heard “you’re too curious”, “curiosity killed the cat!” I reply “and satisfaction brought it back” “don’t do that! You’ll end up hurting yourself!” “Be careful, you shouldn’t do that. You don’t know what’s there” 

The problem here is, I’ve always been a problem child. Growing up, I’ve always gotten reprimanded for every little thing I did, because I was too curious for my own good. I’m too smart for my own good. But I really can’t help it. Maybe if I explain myself a little better I could get the full point across ? 

When I see something new, I investigate. I look through the ins and outs of every single situation I put myself through whether it be good or bad, I always make sure I have a back up plan if my investigations go sour. Then I put it in my brain and go look for something else to discover. 

My problem is, I’m never content with the knowledge I receive. I’ve never been the type of individual to be happy to learn one thing at a time. I like to bombard my mind with things that are foreign to me and my brain so I can find some type of connection between the numerous things I’ve recently learned and it has happened before, well, pretty much all of the time. Sometimes I wonder if there’s only but so much learning one man and or woman can do. 

But then I answer my own question in the midst of thinking about a different answer; the world doesn’t have all of these countries, and languages to sit there and get looked at. They’re there for curious people that want the most out of their lives. It’s for those that crave the vibrations of a new language tickling their spine, for those that crave a new taste in their mouth, that yearn for a new place to have the sun beeming in their faces and the breath of new fresh air . 

It’s really bad isn’t it ? Hmm, I bet it is. But that’s okay. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only human being on the face of this earth that feels that way. Hopefully this makes you yearn for a ticking time clock in your head . 

Until then, I can only investigate and imagine what I’m going to see next ! 

The 7 wonders 

As Fleetwoodmac said “If I live to see the 7 wonders I’ll make a path to the rainbow’s end, I’ll never live to match the beauty again”

But where is the rainbow’s end exactly ? 

In my opinion, I’d consider every place you’ve never been, the rainbow’s beginning and end. Due to the many colors that you’ll be introduced to, the different cultures, different sceneries, different people! Life offers many ideas for each and everyone to grasp on to, but it’s up to you, to grab them . 

Road trips, plane rides, boat rides, walking, running, however you decide to get there, you shall, if you push yourself . 

Love comes in many different forms to the generality of the world; allowing yourself to see this will make everything so much more bonzer; letting go of what made you doubt yourself and those who had a great umbra over you, will show you how much power you really have over your life and your happiness. 

Begin to realize YOU are the answer to every problem as well as every solution, don’t you ever forget that. 

Take pictures, mentally and physically. You’ll begin to cognizant how beautiful the world is, and you can compare everywhere to.. well basically everywhere, just to see which place has the better scenery. 


Never stop ensuing to be a better you everyday! 
Photo cred: http://instagram.com/i.am.also.brod5ky

Love is too contagious !

Isn’t it crazy how love can easily become a toxin if you’d allow it to be ?

It’s funny when you think of it, children and puppy love, seeing that they like each other for who they are and not for what they pretend to be. These days love is something that is very, extremely, underrated and overrated at the same exact time. Sad isn’t it ?


Every man, woman, including you and me, are involved in this circled game we call a “cycle”. You find someone you meet, you like them, you tend to fall for them sometimes but then they disappoint you ! Oh no ! Didn’t find what you expected to be there ? So sorry . Welp, better luck next time. 

We’re so used to being expected to impress the opposite sex because of what they have or what we want them to think we have… or who they wished they were, vice versa. It’s a game really, who impresses who the most. But it’s so exhausting after a while you lie and lie and lie until you’ve forgotten the lie you’ve given the last time so you make a new one. 

Frustrating isn’t it ?

What I’m afraid of is a whole nation creating bastards out of lust and not realizing that they’re continuing this horrid cycle. Change who you are, build on that image and when you’re tired you show your real colors. 

THATS A BORE! (and false advertisement might I add.) Be who you are, show your true colors from the gate, you could be surprised on who you end up being a minute, an hour, a year later. As people we evolve;

We always evolve.

We strive to be better (well some of us) and succeed to be happy in life, but those who are so trapped in society’s ways, believe they need to put up a plethora of fronts in order to be considered what they want to be remembered as, even if it isn’t true. But even that comes collapsing down. 

Growing up is hard, but staying young isn’t. Especially with love . If you think of yourself and the opposite sex as children, you allow yourself to be honest. Open. True. Confessing. Not a liar or a cheat, or even a backstabbing individual. 

Love is simple, titles bring on complications. Which brings explanations.

Like “that is my boyfriend,” “that’s my girlfriend” if it helps you, by all means take the title by the hand if you gladly want to do so.. but for those who take their job titles a little too hard, relax with the name calling!

The list of who can’t do what ?

It’s ridiculous, who in their right mind won’t look at another beautiful being ? She’s beautiful, he’s beautiful but they aren’t you, so why get jealous? It’s such an ugly characteristic, I mean, it just shows insecurities on a wide screen. Why tell a grown man and or woman they can’t go out because you don’t trust them ? Or is it the people, or is it both? If there isn’t any trust and or understanding of freedom and the will to be wherever you want to be whilst having a significant other, then it’s best to say, you’re better off alone…. 

You’re friends. Nothing’s changed. Well, except intercourse aka love making and kissing as well as touching and- you get the point. If you love someone enough, you’d remember that honesty begins by being real with yourself first and your significant other. 

Stop making everything complicated and soon you’ll see, love is too contagious when you’re modest and truthful. It builds bridges you couldn’t even imagine. Oaths that are unbreakable and a friendship that will build strong and sturdy, by learning the ins and outs of their likes and dislikes, as well as getting to know the world together. Learn from one another and inspire each other to be better. Instead of limiting one another and putting boundaries on what wasn’t a problem before an intimate moment was shared. 

The Talisman

Her walk: glorious

Her voice: gracious

Her smile: out of this world

Her ambition: bigger than anyone else’s 

Someone was always running towards her for advice, for comfort, for shelter, for food, for a good laugh, you name it, she was the mother to a safe haven; everything about her screamed independence. 

My mother’s sister she was, but to me, and almost every cousin and family member I could think of, she was our mother, something about her couldn’t ever be replaced, it was like she was our super hero. 

For your understanding here are some stories

  1. Maryland

She drove to my house in downtown Elizabeth (at that time being) and asked my mother to send me downstairs. Automatically I ran down, because whenever Myrta was around, you knew it would be a great genuine time. She seen me, put her arms up in the air forming a kind of squared shaped ‘u’ and she then let out her famous laugh and saying “Hey miss thing!” She then asked me how did I feel about taking a road trip, now before I go on, think to yourself, how would an 11 year old girl feel about taking a road trip with her favorite aunt ? Overwhelmed might be the proper word for it. 

Continuing on…

“What’s that look for ? You look like someone told you that you won one trillion dollars!” I mean why wouldn’t I have that face right ? I ran up the stairs and got my clothes ready for an eventful weekend. When I came back downstairs she had the trunk prepared for my duffle bag, I couldn’t wait for this road trip to begin. Two hours in the drive, her gps had started to act up, continuously saying turn right, turn right, turn right! Never have I ever seen her get so upset with technology! She threw the gps out of the window and pulled out the printed directions off of mapquest, I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. The playlist on this car ride went from the O’jays, Marvin gaye, the temptations, Gladys Knight, Oscar DeLeon, prince, The Weezers, house music, classical music, the list goes on and on, but I didn’t take the music for granted. 

   2. Sonya’s baby shower

I remember sitting there waiting for my cousin Sonya to hurry up and walk in for the surprise baby shower, but of course Sonya will be Sonya, she wasn’t really surprised she had a look of confusion in other words, she was kind of expecting this to happen she had us all laughing and crying in tears. 

But Myrta, she loved Sonya’s belly, she had been next to my mother and I, simply saying “she’s so beautiful pregnant, she has the perfect belly, we didn’t have that !” And there went that famous laugh of hers, as she spoke to my mother. Myrta wore such a beautiful black and white dress, which she absolutely loved wearing. Black and white were her favorite colors.

         3. My sweet sixteen. 

Beauty is something that can be bought but never instilled. Myrta was beautiful inside and out, and on my sweet sixteen she received a lucky candle that I gave to her. She thanked me, but before she did that, she brought my dress, and told me to never let it go. Which I don’t intend on doing. 

     4. Florida 

My parents, George and Sylvia as well as my aunt Myrta and myself rode 15 hours to Florida, I would have to say, that had to be the best time of my life, Titi Myrta introduced me to Starbucks coffee for the first time. We had to stop multiple times due to Myrta’s diabetes. But I didn’t mind it, we stopped at many fine places 

  1. Dine in motel that had so many hillbillies, but they were so kind ! Titi Myrta told me to try their grits and the way they made them. She said learning new things had to be the ultimate goal in everyone’s lives, “it feeds your brain nena.” She used to tell me that so many times.
  2. Waffle House. That was my first time going there ever. I strongly encourage readers to go there asap, any Waffle House will do, as long as you have their whipped cream strawberry waffles with ice cream and a cherry on top!
  3. Cracker Barrel, best food on earth !!! 
  4. A souvenir store inside of Cracker Barrel, that store had so many shiny stones made me want to take all of them home

We did so much in Florida, but most of all, we all had an amazing time. We seen 3 alligators crossing the street as if they owned it, Myrta took a picture of them and said they resembled the three stooges. We went to at least 5 flea markets as well as thrift stores and went for walks under the Floridian starry sky. Unfortunately this is where the story goes sour. Titi Myrta grabbed her hair to put into a ponytail and noticed a chunk came out, she had been losing so much weight, but automatically thought it had been due to having diabetes. Sadly we didn’t take notice that it would later be caused by lung cancer .

       5. Pennsylvania 

Allentown, Pennsylvania is where my father’s sister Nela stayed; she used to live there, having such an enormous but simple home. Pure beauty. Titi Nela and her sons and daughter treated Myrta with such great hospitality; serving her whatever she wished to eat and offered to take her wherever she had wanted to go. But one thing that caught me off guard was Tori. Tori had been my aunt Nela’s dog/daughter/partner in crime. She was an American bull dog mixed with a pitbull terrier, she was beautiful and looked like a cow. Black and white. Never in my life did I ever expect Tori and Myrta to click the way they did only because Titi didn’t like big dogs near her. But tori made her presence very well known with Titi Myrta. She made sure she protected Titi while she stood there and made her final month with her enjoyable. 
      6. Cancer treatment Centers of America 

Titi had her final days here, of course it was never on a good note but she loved the way they treated her there, the nurses just loved her. But Titi had enough of being there after a while. A few weeks after she finished her will, she demanded that she come home (she knew it was time to go and rest but she didn’t want us to know through words so she let us know through her actions.) “They took the parkway!” She calculated in her mind as the ambulance driver took longer than expected to take her home . She never lost her mental. She may have been sick, but she wasn’t dumb. Very smart infact . 

She passed away September 16th, 2012. A year and date I don’t think anyone close to her could ever forget. She was our talisman, she had been our esperance in desperate situations, she was and forever will be our queen.