The beauty of getting things done.

We all have an agenda that has check boxes that need to be checked off. Even dimsided individuals have them for their dimsided “necessities”, point being we all have things we need to do.

Moments that we’re so focused on making sure that they happen, leave us in the most vulnerable position in life believe it or not.

 

We forget our origin. We get wrapped up with our NOW and our GOAL POINT when our surroundings could get tough and weigh down heavy on us.

That’s a dangerous zone to be in. We forget who’s really there for us who really wants us to prosper, fail, what we want to be and where we want to go. So many options, so many things, you don’t want limitations.

However, there are no limitations with the right people down your path.

We remember them and certain moments, when we’re able to, when we have the time, showing in that exact second they’re not as much of a priority as we’d want them to think, in that result. It happens out of rushing and angst that we won’t reach our destination because the journey is getting harder. We don’t want to hurt them by not giving them enough time and effort, but it happens anyway.

The hardest journeys reveal who comes back to get their hands dirty again just to sculpt a better tomorrow regardless of any situation.

Truth be told, there’s no real cure for taking things for granted, unless there’s an actual devastating occurrence. When that occurs, the reality hits and you feel that rock bottom is your closest friend.

 

It isn’t. It’s you against you. It will forever be that. Rock bottom is an alter ego for your original name. You get yourself up, by yourself, and stand up BY YOURSELF.

Thats what you want to think, but we all lose sight about those that are cheering so silently, so far away, yet closest to our hearts that their strength exceeds any distance, any space and remains the bungee cords that pulls you up from any fall just to dust you off and tell you “get back out there”. The fault is ours for not making them a priority in our list of daily priorities that need to get done.

A foundation is built by passion, and emotion before logic ever kicks in. It’s the cement that holds the bricks down instead of logic being the only thing that stands in a twigsh manner falling without any comfort at night.

Our brains get tired, but our hearts beat repeatedly, no matter the cost. To abuse that, is to abuse yourself. To lose memory of that is to become another number on the cattle shelf.

Being numb can only get you but so far; living on a logical affectionate daily risk, with double supported plans from a-z?

Thats progress.

This is too true.

Cross off the affection box every day, because it might erase itself in fear that you won’t ever check it again.

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My observation of Faye part 2

“You ready?” Her breaths came as a shock to me, I’d never thought that once in my life I’d see her breathe this hard, I haven’t even penetrated her yet. “You sure?” Faye laughed, speaking so gently, as if she wasn’t just breathing harder than a marathon runner. “Yes Lucas, I’m ready.” I reached for her hand, but there was that feeling again; she smiled and put her arm over her chest, and muttered “well, what’s wrong with me this time?” “Nothing” I said, “It’s just, you’re really going to let this happen?” I didn’t think that you and I would, you know, be here doin- wait, you were breathing hard like that because you’re nervous?” That was it. Bingo. She was scared, she kept covering her chest and her eyes, and didn’t want me to touch her yet until she was ready. “Come lay down with me, let me explain something to you Lucas, in detail.” She caught me off guard but I did as she said anyways. “Give me your hand, and please tell me what you feel.” She began to smile, “stop being such a lion heart, feel my hand and tell me what you feel.” I began to grow a little nervous because I had never taken the time to fully analyze how her hands are so much smaller than mine, yet they’re so strong but softer than a child’s cheek. The way her hand fit into mine, was as if it belonged there, purposely belonged there. 

I started to get scared now, because she was everything I could ever dream of, and ye- “Just because we make love tonight does not mean I will be chasing after you okay? I. Don’t. Chase. I don’t compete either. So remember that, because you have one time to slip up, now tell me how beautiful I am, and make my dreams into a reality.” All I could do was laugh. Her confidence, her spunk, she wasn’t God’s gift to men, but her smile and her spirit made it all worth it to say she was. “Faye?” “Yes Lucas?” “I- I love you.” “Don’t just love me, but enjoy me while you love me. I’m only here for a certain amount of time, make it useful.” When she put that into perspective, a sort of an anguished feeling began to grow within my abdomen. “Why would you say that?” She chuckled “because you can get any little girl you’d like, but not me. You have to work for my love, I’m not going to just give it to you, Prince Charming. You can fool them but not me. So because I’m making you realize my worth, I’m letting you know that you need to take advantage of it now before I’m gone tomorrow, or whenever the reaper calls on me. You won’t be able to do it when I’m dead now would you?” 

The girl made a point. 

I will forever love her, and won’t ever stop. 

Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

Pondering multiple random words

Blinded by luscious words

A wish will stay thrown up in the air while getting slapped by the turd 

Nothing is as pleasant as a beautiful night 

Being able to trust your own might

Meaningless conversations bring me to a pause 

Like teachers over analyzing a specific clause

Wishing you were a flower in my hand that blooms 

Everyday 

Every minute 

Every hour

Your lips and fingers feel like other women have been in your presence making me quiver needing to scour 

Depressing laughs bring me to a realization 

Your posionous licks cut my circulation 

“Loves gonna get you killed but pride is gonna be the death of you and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and you and you and me” 

Seeing such a scowl gives me reason to exit to sea

Bleeding for you, attaining knowledge of the ice in your veins 

Keeps growing in my pains 

Fingernails scraping your skin from love making that was too rough

While you fill me up with your slough 

I’ll put happiness inside of you, by will or force 

Putting you in constant jubilee without remorse 

The three words that can make or break you

I love you, I HATE YOU ! 

Those could be the last words you spoke 

My heart still obtains the holes which you have poke-d 

Simple laughs and complex mind readings

That shall result in my beheadings

Of mind and soul

My Body could never be an option in this role 
For it’s too strong to let you hold it prisoner 

Although I’ve often prayed for a conditioner 

For your aura

Because it’s harder than coral 

When dried

Though I’ve cried

I’ve seen days better than this

I’m more than grateful for this ignorant bliss

For you think I’m not enlightened

But I am have knowledge of a plethora of things that can keep you frightened 

Don’t push what you don’t know 

Due to the soap opera also known as your show

It’s fine. 

I’ll be “blind” 

Wings, souls, shelter, never left behind.

Smiles cut deep

Innocent like the newborn sheep

Lions are not allowed to fall in love

Yet your silence grips me softer than a dove’s 

Wings 

Things

They can never change

Well there’s possibility 

But then there’s rearrange

Ment 

I mean I meant

Meant to keep your heart safe

I’ll hold you in my armored arms my dearest waif

I’ll give you shelter something you’ll need

For it is not water you drink, but my lfe’s liquid I’ve sacrificed for you, so I bleed

I’m not ashamed, to show how I feel 

Showing you a heaven is ideal

My soul become your wings, for they’ll give you strength to fly 

For my love is never just simple, it’s conceived to multiply 

I give you life, through me, take my hand allow me to lead the way 

Things are subjective be that as it may

Sleep on my chest, allow my beating compassion to be your ticking clock

Perfecting your hearing when my lover knocks

Knocks on the doors to your heart 

Follow me to clear waters of the dock so you may witness the reflection that’ll counterpart 

Counterpart your heart, soul, mind and emotions 

That’ll bring out my countless devotions

For your safety, and your piece of mind;

I promise for my sake and yours, that I’ll never leave you behind. 

Stay like that

Have you ever felt like the world could be a crashing, complete demolishing, mess, but yet in that moment, you seem to notice how grateful you are. Those days are the ones where you have to grasp onto reality and see how fortunate you really are. People complain about the simplicity of life, without even realizing first and foremost, YOU’RE BREATHING !!!!!!! 

You could’ve been dead, paralyzed, deaf, blind, injured, in a life changing disaster. But no, you’re alive. Take time to thank the universe for everything that you have, and what you don’t have. I know that second part sounds funny, but honestly, ponder on that; you possess what you need, most of the time it’s not the things you want, which I’m more than sure it can be frustrating, but if you’re in the middle of getting yourself together you can’t focus on what you’d like and want, you’ve got to stay hungry for what you need in life to remain alive, and most importantly humbled. Furthermore you have to show thanks, because everything you obtain, can be taken from you like a rug being pulled from under you. 

One beautiful day, someone will be rude to you, someone will hurt your feelings, and at a certain point and time, someone will break your heart, so it is your JOB as a human being, to remain calm and take advantage of the glory which, if you haven’t noticed, is all around you.

 Let’s use it as an analogy.

The trees get rained on by the sky so many times a day, a week, a month, even more during a year, and yet, they don’t decide to break away from their roots firmly planted in the ground, instead, they grow, so beautifully. Doesn’t that make you want to cry ? They keep their head(branches) up and continue to look at the bigger purpose/ picture. 

Growth will make you better, every single day, you just have to push yourself to that very point. 

So when you’re having a great day, noticing how blessed you are, in that moment, give thanks, to the 

  1. Universe
  2. And to yourself

I say yourself because, you can give up at any given moment. You really can, but if you know that you want more out of life, and you yearn to be content with life as well as yourself, you continue to push, and let me tell you something, it’s HARD ! So hard, that you want to cry or get so aggravated that you want to storm out and walk off of the edge of the world, but think about it……… 

the same energy you put into quitting is the same energy you should apply to winning and happiness. Because you deserve that . You deserve the world. If you work for it. 

So if you’re happy today, stay like that 💚.

If you let me. 

The long strokes of your index and middle finger send chills down my spine, after it’s all done, conversation is something I become addicted to. Your mouth filled with so much honey, while my mind pursuades me to take a lick to share your taste. There’s nothing better than this. Your imperfections speak so sensually to me, making it extremely difficult for me to pin point as to how they’re not good enough for you. 

I laid here expecting so little, instead I’ve received so much more. This position here is where I’d like to stay for the rest of the night. Your brown eyes giving me a reflection of my own. There’s nothing that I could desire any more than this. I appreciate your company, in fact I’ve yearned for it for far too long.

But answer me this, are you used to the caresses I’ve been handing you ? Does it feel like home ? Will you be able to see my woman like chest as your safe haven when you’ve had a bad day? Are you comfortable enough to lay on it and tell me your hopes and dreams ? How can I make you feel safe ? 

My body becomes your office of therapy, for all I know you’ve accepted others. The only difference is they’ve looked for security through you, while I offer you my own secure essence of safety through my arms and my soul. 

I see your chest as something to lay my hand on. The heartbeat through your ribs have given me such a deep sense of withdrawal. Withdrawal of love and peace. I’ve longed to bring tranquility to you, but only if you let me .

My presence

It’s a shame how you embarrass flowers, how one look from your eyes to their pedals, sends them flying away looking for new soil to grow in. I looked at you this morning and I was in total shock ! You’ve gotten so much rest that your eyes shine brighter than gold; your black pupils are masked by your puppy brown eyes gleaming in the sun. Your skin, there’s something different about it. Your hair! When was the last time you dyed it ? It looks beautifully natural! Your hips, how curvy they can be, your belly button resembles a long oval waiting to be touched. Your thighs, how warm your hands feel when they are placed in between them. The bouncing curls from your soft bushy hair, resembling the circular motions of a slinky. Oh how I can look at you forever. I mean, how can I not ? Everything on you could be with someone else but it isn’t. I mean sure there’s better looking people than you, everyone knows that. But the way you bring your imperfections to life with your wit and your silly little laughs, it makes me want to cry, really. Your smile is so unique but broad and it waits every second of the day to be brought out by someone’s humor. You’re everything a woman should be. Proud. Elegant, smart, content and appreciative of who you are and what you have ! How you walk with your heels first before your toes touch the ground, how you shake your hips to the beautiful tunes as you cook, you’re perfect. In your own way . 

Interesting, what else ?

Have you ever been so hungry that your stomach starts singing to your ears ? 

I’m sure you have. 

The thing is here, my hunger is a little different from that particular hunger. 

I hear ticking in my head. My little ol’ head. It says tick tick tick tick, it’s a song that’s set on repeat and lasts Day and night. I can even hear it in my dreams. I call it, the ticking time clock. You see, the more I learn the faster it ticks. The more it ticks the faster my brain becomes filled with the yearning sensation of gaining new knowledge. 

I’ve always heard “you’re too curious”, “curiosity killed the cat!” I reply “and satisfaction brought it back” “don’t do that! You’ll end up hurting yourself!” “Be careful, you shouldn’t do that. You don’t know what’s there” 

The problem here is, I’ve always been a problem child. Growing up, I’ve always gotten reprimanded for every little thing I did, because I was too curious for my own good. I’m too smart for my own good. But I really can’t help it. Maybe if I explain myself a little better I could get the full point across ? 

When I see something new, I investigate. I look through the ins and outs of every single situation I put myself through whether it be good or bad, I always make sure I have a back up plan if my investigations go sour. Then I put it in my brain and go look for something else to discover. 

My problem is, I’m never content with the knowledge I receive. I’ve never been the type of individual to be happy to learn one thing at a time. I like to bombard my mind with things that are foreign to me and my brain so I can find some type of connection between the numerous things I’ve recently learned and it has happened before, well, pretty much all of the time. Sometimes I wonder if there’s only but so much learning one man and or woman can do. 

But then I answer my own question in the midst of thinking about a different answer; the world doesn’t have all of these countries, and languages to sit there and get looked at. They’re there for curious people that want the most out of their lives. It’s for those that crave the vibrations of a new language tickling their spine, for those that crave a new taste in their mouth, that yearn for a new place to have the sun beeming in their faces and the breath of new fresh air . 

It’s really bad isn’t it ? Hmm, I bet it is. But that’s okay. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only human being on the face of this earth that feels that way. Hopefully this makes you yearn for a ticking time clock in your head . 

Until then, I can only investigate and imagine what I’m going to see next ! 

The 7 wonders 

As Fleetwoodmac said “If I live to see the 7 wonders I’ll make a path to the rainbow’s end, I’ll never live to match the beauty again”

But where is the rainbow’s end exactly ? 

In my opinion, I’d consider every place you’ve never been, the rainbow’s beginning and end. Due to the many colors that you’ll be introduced to, the different cultures, different sceneries, different people! Life offers many ideas for each and everyone to grasp on to, but it’s up to you, to grab them . 

Road trips, plane rides, boat rides, walking, running, however you decide to get there, you shall, if you push yourself . 

Love comes in many different forms to the generality of the world; allowing yourself to see this will make everything so much more bonzer; letting go of what made you doubt yourself and those who had a great umbra over you, will show you how much power you really have over your life and your happiness. 

Begin to realize YOU are the answer to every problem as well as every solution, don’t you ever forget that. 

Take pictures, mentally and physically. You’ll begin to cognizant how beautiful the world is, and you can compare everywhere to.. well basically everywhere, just to see which place has the better scenery. 


Never stop ensuing to be a better you everyday! 
Photo cred: http://instagram.com/i.am.also.brod5ky