Live with it, or change it…. gradually :) 

The smallest things count, yet at the very same parallel moment, they don’t. 

Have you ever wondered if saving the world, is something that really should be considered ? 

Let’s put it like this, 

America, the great, the brave, the strong slogan “united we stand” but they never mentioned individually you fall if you can’t keep up.

By keeping up I’m connoting the realization of the way America presents international problems as their own, when in reality, it isn’t, it’s because they’re nosy.

In certain cases of course. 

Don’t waste food, kids and people as a generality are suffering in third world countries, so it’s placed on our shoulders to care and to not let a grain go to waste. Yet the obesity levels in America is astonishingly saddening. While putting meals together and delivering them to those that are really in need is a problem if there’s not a dime involved. 

Ever seen avatar ? 

The same method of Andrew Jackson, and seemingly the same method that President Donald Trump is presenting, subconsciously, to others, there’s no sign of coequalness. People are being told that social media will give you all of the news you need to hear or learn about, but, it’s hard to stay engrossed when the same thing is happening on there too. Yet people enjoy it, makes you wonder are human brains getting smaller? 

Wars are being threatened with, when in reality, there’s billions of people at stake, lives that could be lost, that could be transitioned from excellent to a nightmarish hell. 

Social media has made it a habitual thing to make fun of the world’s devistating news. The intentness is on the humor more than it is on the seriousness of situations that the “United States of America” is faced with. 

While in the long run, people confabulate about world peace and thoughts that could be made into a reality through time, effort, and plans that are set up to be executed. 

The faith I have within humanity, it’s sickening sometimes, but I believe that one special day, the façades of the mask wearers will be exposed and their insecurities would be something that could be worked on, instead of ridiculed by the same people that feel the same things as them, if not deeper. 

Nah b, hold up! 


It’s hard to not feel entitled to certain things, situations and people, due to the treatment, even objects. Anyone can say that they usually do something while their behavior has changed, whether it be with another person, situation and or thing.

 Once we, as people, get comfortable with stuff being the way that they are, we begin to question where we stand with those factors that may be apart of our daily activities or even if there are long term hiatus’, we always notice when there’s a small change, or even large one.

Some of us at least.

Its difficult to realize this and face it sometimes, especially when we don’t want things to change, because in reality, some people don’t like change; they’d just rather things that are apart of whatever it is that’s important to them get better in the form that it’s already in. 

That’s where entitlement comes in. Sometimes it’s okay to not feel good about it, yet in that moment, we have to realize that people, places, and or things shouldn’t have that much of a significant impact on our lives because not everything lasts forever. Because entitlement leads to expectations, and if you expect people to deliver for you more than you do for yourself, you’ll never be happy. Unfortunately, I’m starting to realize this more and more each day.

But…

We could try to stretch it out if we could right ?

Or at least that’s what we’d like to believe. 

You see, sometimes waiting isn’t our thing. Waiting for a package to come, a situation to arise or be solved, and people making you think or wait longer than you believe you “should”. 

Entitlement is the same thing as happiness, and if you put that in other people, they’ll disappoint you every single time. Due to many reasons.

  1. It could be how they are
  2. Excuses are made up to cover up the truth behind the reason because of the way that things are set up
  3. Importance on what the place, situation, and or person might be, because people can treat things, situations and other individuals like it’s a priority until something or someone else comes along. 
  4. And last but not least time, things happen during the days and nights that most people don’t want to share or simply forget about, which kind of piggybacks off of importance.. if people, places, things, and situations are important to a person, they take care of it right away, or at least they try to. 

So, when you start to feel entitled to something, and or someone, just remember, they might not view things or feel the same way that you might. When you start to see that, it’ll be better to keep in mind that only you, can make that happen if you allow those things and or people to have that much of a significant importance/ impact on your life. 

If there’s an archer and they’re practicing to successfully find a target to shoot, it’ll be conquered. But if they feel like they deserve to hit that target just because they’re an “archer” then they’ll have a lot of disappointment to face. 

Be humble and keep yourself happy. Don’t leave that in other people’s hands. 

Unless they earn that treatment. 

Pushing emotions away in the process. (Part one) 

My soul rips apart heavy tears of hatred flowing through my eyes

Just the sight alone makes me wanna despise 

Slightly hanging on to hope that I know I shouldn’t dare touch

Anger ripped my chest open preparing it for a punch

Having resentment for them is not a pleasant thing to face

Seeing the shadow of an image brings me disgrace 

The thought alone keeps me shut

So when I find myself over heating all I can bring to my lips is “but”

But nothing, no worries, things will get figured out

My heart’s  growing strong with wisdom that I don’t know about 

Well, I know it, but I cannot see it

Trying to understand how one can tolerate so much bullshit 

I’m not a person that can be patient for very long, 

It gets tiring listening to that same “song” 

I’m better than what I’ve been before

Try looking at another perspective trying to open a door

It’s harder than it looks, believe me you

Trying to be happy when it isn’t true

I’d be happy if things went how they were wished

So it’s just left in the water, like an unwashed dish. 

Tea with lemon and honey should help out

Maybe with a little whiskey, and I won’t shout

Silence is my tranquility when there’s a raging fire

Not satisfied when I don’t see the evident desire. 

 

Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

Beau

Love me down

Finish your plate

Don’t give me a frown

Come here to heavens gate

For the now

My waterfalls will make you weak 

Certain strokes give me “WOW”

Moments 

Come and let me make you tweak 

While I watch you quiver after my love is given 

I bask in my satisfaction of your surrender

This was wholeheartedly driven 

My mentality and vibes are benders

I bend broken hearts and build them anew 

Giving you my liquids from my fountain

Come sit next to me and enjoy the view 

The view from skies to oceans to the top of a mountain

With you inside of me, I see your colors spring about

I grab your heart from inside of your body, to give it a kiss, just to put it back

Look me in my eyes so I can turn you out

I keep my clothes on to keep your imagination in tack 

We can never lose ourselves in a drought

Our bodies must be flowing rivers of life

Come taste it

Fondle me like you would a fife 

Put your fingers in the holes, filling them up, with no exit

Stay. Forever. 

And never leave

Compared to most, I’m pretty clever

Come to me, and receive 

This gift I give you, that takes you to a different element

I promise I’ll be a good girl

I promise I’ll repent 

Make me unfurl 

I’ll make you wild

Happy, and intrigued with this game we play 

Your smile will be bigger than a child’s 

So speed up, I don’t have all day. 

Meet me here then over there,

I’ll lick your spots

Just tell me where

Connecting them like stars that connect dots.

Come lay in between my legs, 

You’re not entering, just simply sharing an intimate position

Talk to me like a puppy that begs 

Let me be your physician 

I’ll put you back into place

I can make you remember 

Leaving long strokes of my tongue on your face

Then on your back that’s hotter than ember 

But I’ll cool off, and so will you.

Come love me down,

You beau. 

Pondering multiple random words

Blinded by luscious words

A wish will stay thrown up in the air while getting slapped by the turd 

Nothing is as pleasant as a beautiful night 

Being able to trust your own might

Meaningless conversations bring me to a pause 

Like teachers over analyzing a specific clause

Wishing you were a flower in my hand that blooms 

Everyday 

Every minute 

Every hour

Your lips and fingers feel like other women have been in your presence making me quiver needing to scour 

Depressing laughs bring me to a realization 

Your posionous licks cut my circulation 

“Loves gonna get you killed but pride is gonna be the death of you and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and you and you and me” 

Seeing such a scowl gives me reason to exit to sea

Bleeding for you, attaining knowledge of the ice in your veins 

Keeps growing in my pains 

Fingernails scraping your skin from love making that was too rough

While you fill me up with your slough 

I’ll put happiness inside of you, by will or force 

Putting you in constant jubilee without remorse 

The three words that can make or break you

I love you, I HATE YOU ! 

Those could be the last words you spoke 

My heart still obtains the holes which you have poke-d 

Simple laughs and complex mind readings

That shall result in my beheadings

Of mind and soul

My Body could never be an option in this role 
For it’s too strong to let you hold it prisoner 

Although I’ve often prayed for a conditioner 

For your aura

Because it’s harder than coral 

When dried

Though I’ve cried

I’ve seen days better than this

I’m more than grateful for this ignorant bliss

For you think I’m not enlightened

But I am have knowledge of a plethora of things that can keep you frightened 

Don’t push what you don’t know 

Due to the soap opera also known as your show

It’s fine. 

I’ll be “blind” 

Wings, souls, shelter, never left behind.

Smiles cut deep

Innocent like the newborn sheep

Lions are not allowed to fall in love

Yet your silence grips me softer than a dove’s 

Wings 

Things

They can never change

Well there’s possibility 

But then there’s rearrange

Ment 

I mean I meant

Meant to keep your heart safe

I’ll hold you in my armored arms my dearest waif

I’ll give you shelter something you’ll need

For it is not water you drink, but my lfe’s liquid I’ve sacrificed for you, so I bleed

I’m not ashamed, to show how I feel 

Showing you a heaven is ideal

My soul become your wings, for they’ll give you strength to fly 

For my love is never just simple, it’s conceived to multiply 

I give you life, through me, take my hand allow me to lead the way 

Things are subjective be that as it may

Sleep on my chest, allow my beating compassion to be your ticking clock

Perfecting your hearing when my lover knocks

Knocks on the doors to your heart 

Follow me to clear waters of the dock so you may witness the reflection that’ll counterpart 

Counterpart your heart, soul, mind and emotions 

That’ll bring out my countless devotions

For your safety, and your piece of mind;

I promise for my sake and yours, that I’ll never leave you behind. 

Stay like that

Have you ever felt like the world could be a crashing, complete demolishing, mess, but yet in that moment, you seem to notice how grateful you are. Those days are the ones where you have to grasp onto reality and see how fortunate you really are. People complain about the simplicity of life, without even realizing first and foremost, YOU’RE BREATHING !!!!!!! 

You could’ve been dead, paralyzed, deaf, blind, injured, in a life changing disaster. But no, you’re alive. Take time to thank the universe for everything that you have, and what you don’t have. I know that second part sounds funny, but honestly, ponder on that; you possess what you need, most of the time it’s not the things you want, which I’m more than sure it can be frustrating, but if you’re in the middle of getting yourself together you can’t focus on what you’d like and want, you’ve got to stay hungry for what you need in life to remain alive, and most importantly humbled. Furthermore you have to show thanks, because everything you obtain, can be taken from you like a rug being pulled from under you. 

One beautiful day, someone will be rude to you, someone will hurt your feelings, and at a certain point and time, someone will break your heart, so it is your JOB as a human being, to remain calm and take advantage of the glory which, if you haven’t noticed, is all around you.

 Let’s use it as an analogy.

The trees get rained on by the sky so many times a day, a week, a month, even more during a year, and yet, they don’t decide to break away from their roots firmly planted in the ground, instead, they grow, so beautifully. Doesn’t that make you want to cry ? They keep their head(branches) up and continue to look at the bigger purpose/ picture. 

Growth will make you better, every single day, you just have to push yourself to that very point. 

So when you’re having a great day, noticing how blessed you are, in that moment, give thanks, to the 

  1. Universe
  2. And to yourself

I say yourself because, you can give up at any given moment. You really can, but if you know that you want more out of life, and you yearn to be content with life as well as yourself, you continue to push, and let me tell you something, it’s HARD ! So hard, that you want to cry or get so aggravated that you want to storm out and walk off of the edge of the world, but think about it……… 

the same energy you put into quitting is the same energy you should apply to winning and happiness. Because you deserve that . You deserve the world. If you work for it. 

So if you’re happy today, stay like that 💚.

A rant that has been long overdue. 

Correct me if I’m absurdly wrong but, relationships… aren’t they supposed to help people grow ? Isn’t it something that you’re supposed to hold dear and close ? Isn’t it something like let’s see …. oh .. wait.. that’s been ruined for decades, let’s be real, today’s relationships have gone to shit. One person believes they’re in love while the other is off not paying attention to the one they have at home because they’re not who they actually thought they were or because it was all lies and fake relations .. it all comes back to being true to who you are . 

WHY ON EARTH would anyone ever lie about themselves ? Why on heavens grounds will there be an actual person acting or pretending to be who they are not ? This is exactly why there’s so many problems in this world, lies… they’ve got to stop. It’s like you’re false advertising yourself and expecting to end up happy after you show your true colors … 

WHAT ?!?

People have lost the value of humanity and self respect. You’re supposed to be proud of who you are and loyal to who you are, why would you want to have it a different way ? What because you’re fantasy is somehow going to be your reality some day ? It’s not going to happen like that. Never will for the most part. If you work hard for yourself, allow your money to work for you instead of you working for your money, find who you are in your very own universe and mind your business when other stuff that happens doesn’t pertain to you, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to live a happy life. 

It’s like too many people get a rush of feeding off of negative energy and it’s driving me nuts! But one thing that I’ve noticed as well, stereotypes have been a big role in today’s society, skinny people want to be thick and thick people want to be skinny, obese individuals call themselves thick now, and we’re all supposed to live a jolly life while we see armageddon happen before our eyes. Laying down everyday and not doing anything has been the new “hobby”. Social media is being used for gossip and hatred instead of research and knowledge. It’s like everything is backwards. 

Insecurity has got to be the number one illness in America… in the world in fact. There’s a cycle, or maybe let’s think of it as a flow chart shall we ? 

Insecurity leads to 

Jealousy which leads to 

Self doubt, which leads to

Bullying which leads to 

Spreading your negativity through others

Which leads to a slow death. 

Remember what I said about worrying about your own and minding your business? Yeah it plays a role here too. 

People hate just because it’s like every person they see, they visualize some kind of part of themself that wants to be like someone else, as well as not loving themselves enough finding it easier to pick on another person for being themselves just so they can feel much better. And it’s all because of course once again, society, due to the fact that is has made it better for others to believe that being the next this or that will get you places when in reality, you’re just another copy waiting on the food chain to get eaten up by negative comments or fake fans that “track” your every move. Who wants to live a life like that ? Constantly in someone else’s mouth or mouths, my father has always quoted Bruce Lee (his idol) and he said “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory” 

So, I guess that’ll explain everyone’s gold plated jewelry claiming that it’s all real gold? Or showing all the money that you have on social media and then crying broke because you got robbed or spent it all ? 

I want to live a life not away from people but away from society’s rules. They’re stupid, they superfluous and down right excuse my expression, retarded. 

In high school there was a guy who had Down syndrome in our school. Very out going and extremely talkative, but I loved it, the kid had character I mean, you can’t blame him for being himself, fully and faithfully. He was literally all he had in that school besides me and a few other peers and teachers. But of course, insecurity kicks in, the jocks, even losers and loners picked on him, senior year came around and he was so excited to graduate, but he didn’t walk, hell, he didn’t even show up, parents were there for him and everything, unfortunately 2 hours later, his mother had to find out through a horrifying missed call/ voicemail that her son took his very own life because he wasn’t “good enough” now listen to this,

I remember a friend of mine had a daughter and was so upset because her daughter has Down syndrome which led me to believe that she was ashamed, I then proceeded to ask her why was she so upset, she answered in a barbaric tone, “my kid is stupid alright? She’s slow, she’s a liability, I can’t live like this.” Three years later ended up loving the child to death, I now ask her, how’s your little angel ? She answers “oh you mean my little big Einstein?” 

Moral of that story is, people that pick on others are the ones that you really need to watch out for, they’re so scared of being who they are because of society, it’s almost as equal as committing a sin, if you’re not with the “in” crowd. I find the total thing to be a pure cimmerian hell. Who wants to live like that ? No one. 

My presence

It’s a shame how you embarrass flowers, how one look from your eyes to their pedals, sends them flying away looking for new soil to grow in. I looked at you this morning and I was in total shock ! You’ve gotten so much rest that your eyes shine brighter than gold; your black pupils are masked by your puppy brown eyes gleaming in the sun. Your skin, there’s something different about it. Your hair! When was the last time you dyed it ? It looks beautifully natural! Your hips, how curvy they can be, your belly button resembles a long oval waiting to be touched. Your thighs, how warm your hands feel when they are placed in between them. The bouncing curls from your soft bushy hair, resembling the circular motions of a slinky. Oh how I can look at you forever. I mean, how can I not ? Everything on you could be with someone else but it isn’t. I mean sure there’s better looking people than you, everyone knows that. But the way you bring your imperfections to life with your wit and your silly little laughs, it makes me want to cry, really. Your smile is so unique but broad and it waits every second of the day to be brought out by someone’s humor. You’re everything a woman should be. Proud. Elegant, smart, content and appreciative of who you are and what you have ! How you walk with your heels first before your toes touch the ground, how you shake your hips to the beautiful tunes as you cook, you’re perfect. In your own way .