How come? 

She doesn’t like being upset with them . 

It seems inside her blood, there’s a bailey

She can’t be knocked down, 

Yet her knees buckle when she thinks of them.

She doesn’t like having the feelings she does. 

The numb days. They were the best. 

But they could never have the effect on her like these heart beats do. 

They’re not regular

They skip, they bring happiness and whirlpools in her stomach

That makes her so sick, she wished that they weren’t there

But often ponders as to what would happen if they weren’t there. 

That’s when she begins to realize she’s wrong. 

Her arms and legs become clingy

Remaining ready at all times to squeeze with so much affection.

Still, the numb days didn’t bring her lungs to the verge of collapsing 

And her heart didn’t run a mile a minute when something didn’t go the way it usually would. 

She didn’t care

And now she does.

Trying to lock her heart in a chastiy belt specially built for her heart.

But it’s gained too much love, and is now too big to fit it.

She’s angry that she’s allowed herself to be this vulnerable. 

She had gotten so good at keeping her emotions in shallow waters. 

But now? The sun has evaporated all of the water and has rays of love shining from it.

She can’t TAKE IT! She feels so janus-faced. 

It’s making her worried, scared, happy, and anxious all in one.

Until she realizes, 

It shouldn’t be that deep. 

But her heart. 

It beats so hard that it creates shock waves that can be felt thousands of miles away. 

She’s very cautious she doesn’t trust that easily. 

Now more than ever, she’s having doubts on top of doubts

Her anxiousness is the result of not being fully reassured the way she wants to be. 

So now, she’s thinking more than she should and it’s bothering her. 

Distractions will be her new hobby. 

She can’t keep wearing her heart on her sleeve. 

She’ll get hurt. 

Patiently waiting and knows that when she gets where she wants, and sees who she wants, 

All of that, will fly out of the window of uncertainty. 

Pondering multiple random words

Blinded by luscious words

A wish will stay thrown up in the air while getting slapped by the turd 

Nothing is as pleasant as a beautiful night 

Being able to trust your own might

Meaningless conversations bring me to a pause 

Like teachers over analyzing a specific clause

Wishing you were a flower in my hand that blooms 

Everyday 

Every minute 

Every hour

Your lips and fingers feel like other women have been in your presence making me quiver needing to scour 

Depressing laughs bring me to a realization 

Your posionous licks cut my circulation 

“Loves gonna get you killed but pride is gonna be the death of you and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and you and you and me” 

Seeing such a scowl gives me reason to exit to sea

Bleeding for you, attaining knowledge of the ice in your veins 

Keeps growing in my pains 

Fingernails scraping your skin from love making that was too rough

While you fill me up with your slough 

I’ll put happiness inside of you, by will or force 

Putting you in constant jubilee without remorse 

The three words that can make or break you

I love you, I HATE YOU ! 

Those could be the last words you spoke 

My heart still obtains the holes which you have poke-d 

Simple laughs and complex mind readings

That shall result in my beheadings

Of mind and soul

My Body could never be an option in this role 
For it’s too strong to let you hold it prisoner 

Although I’ve often prayed for a conditioner 

For your aura

Because it’s harder than coral 

When dried

Though I’ve cried

I’ve seen days better than this

I’m more than grateful for this ignorant bliss

For you think I’m not enlightened

But I am have knowledge of a plethora of things that can keep you frightened 

Don’t push what you don’t know 

Due to the soap opera also known as your show

It’s fine. 

I’ll be “blind” 

Sweet release 

Pain

It’ll make you go insane 

Something in the brain

Makes you think too much

It’s like a punch 

In the gut, then to the face 

Suddenly I feel a need to pace 

Back and forth just like these thoughts

It’s a disease that needs to be fought

Better off easier said than done

But in the end, the thoughts have won 

Knowing what’s said to the cardinal, is never fully true 

Leaving space for the spinning room’s doubts towards you .

I concur to certain phrases

But this heart of mine is built like a bunch of broken vases 

It’s not like I try to be better than I was yesterday because I do

But the only thing that’s holding me back is you .

Your thoughts, mind, soul, and feelings Suddenly erupt 

It’s like a conversation that shouldn’t be interrupt…Ed

Putting yourself in my shoes will show you how I think 

In the final chapter I am my own shrink

I hold myself at night 

Not letting go, gripping tight

Rock back and forth just to sleep

While others count numerous things, I’d count you before I’d count sheep

It’s deep, this connection I have within my brain

So go ahead and feed me that bullshit saying “you don’t feel the same”

Way . 

Believing lies are easy

Believing the truth makes my breathless heart wheezy

Laying solo allowing the empty breeze to come in

While suddenly realizing my patience is running thin 

My heart beats rapidly in the middle of my slumber 

While my mind comes to a rumble of paranoid thunder

Toes wiggle while fingers clutch to these twin sheets

Legs suddenly crossed feeling a panic forcing me to fleet

Sure the right words are spoken, but they can never fool this third eye

Seeing your front gives me reason to just walk on by

By your face, your smile, and your scent

Why do I feel a sudden need to repent ? 

I allow your vibe to flow deep through and within me 

Chains shackled on my soul that yearns to be free

Free with you, on the surface of the moon

Forcing me to deal with the reality too soon. 

You’re gone. And never will be back

Reach me soon so I can read Saturn’s table zodiac

Trying to reach to the other side

Knowing that it’s not where I can abide 

I’m trying my hardest to keep you close to me 

Not recognizing that you’re the frenemy

Breaking my trust and heart piece by piece

Waiting for these tears to open their show of sweet release .