Live with it, or change it…. gradually :) 

The smallest things count, yet at the very same parallel moment, they don’t. 

Have you ever wondered if saving the world, is something that really should be considered ? 

Let’s put it like this, 

America, the great, the brave, the strong slogan “united we stand” but they never mentioned individually you fall if you can’t keep up.

By keeping up I’m connoting the realization of the way America presents international problems as their own, when in reality, it isn’t, it’s because they’re nosy.

In certain cases of course. 

Don’t waste food, kids and people as a generality are suffering in third world countries, so it’s placed on our shoulders to care and to not let a grain go to waste. Yet the obesity levels in America is astonishingly saddening. While putting meals together and delivering them to those that are really in need is a problem if there’s not a dime involved. 

Ever seen avatar ? 

The same method of Andrew Jackson, and seemingly the same method that President Donald Trump is presenting, subconsciously, to others, there’s no sign of coequalness. People are being told that social media will give you all of the news you need to hear or learn about, but, it’s hard to stay engrossed when the same thing is happening on there too. Yet people enjoy it, makes you wonder are human brains getting smaller? 

Wars are being threatened with, when in reality, there’s billions of people at stake, lives that could be lost, that could be transitioned from excellent to a nightmarish hell. 

Social media has made it a habitual thing to make fun of the world’s devistating news. The intentness is on the humor more than it is on the seriousness of situations that the “United States of America” is faced with. 

While in the long run, people confabulate about world peace and thoughts that could be made into a reality through time, effort, and plans that are set up to be executed. 

The faith I have within humanity, it’s sickening sometimes, but I believe that one special day, the façades of the mask wearers will be exposed and their insecurities would be something that could be worked on, instead of ridiculed by the same people that feel the same things as them, if not deeper. 

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A rant that has been long overdue. 

Correct me if I’m absurdly wrong but, relationships… aren’t they supposed to help people grow ? Isn’t it something that you’re supposed to hold dear and close ? Isn’t it something like let’s see …. oh .. wait.. that’s been ruined for decades, let’s be real, today’s relationships have gone to shit. One person believes they’re in love while the other is off not paying attention to the one they have at home because they’re not who they actually thought they were or because it was all lies and fake relations .. it all comes back to being true to who you are . 

WHY ON EARTH would anyone ever lie about themselves ? Why on heavens grounds will there be an actual person acting or pretending to be who they are not ? This is exactly why there’s so many problems in this world, lies… they’ve got to stop. It’s like you’re false advertising yourself and expecting to end up happy after you show your true colors … 

WHAT ?!?

People have lost the value of humanity and self respect. You’re supposed to be proud of who you are and loyal to who you are, why would you want to have it a different way ? What because you’re fantasy is somehow going to be your reality some day ? It’s not going to happen like that. Never will for the most part. If you work hard for yourself, allow your money to work for you instead of you working for your money, find who you are in your very own universe and mind your business when other stuff that happens doesn’t pertain to you, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to live a happy life. 

It’s like too many people get a rush of feeding off of negative energy and it’s driving me nuts! But one thing that I’ve noticed as well, stereotypes have been a big role in today’s society, skinny people want to be thick and thick people want to be skinny, obese individuals call themselves thick now, and we’re all supposed to live a jolly life while we see armageddon happen before our eyes. Laying down everyday and not doing anything has been the new “hobby”. Social media is being used for gossip and hatred instead of research and knowledge. It’s like everything is backwards. 

Insecurity has got to be the number one illness in America… in the world in fact. There’s a cycle, or maybe let’s think of it as a flow chart shall we ? 

Insecurity leads to 

Jealousy which leads to 

Self doubt, which leads to

Bullying which leads to 

Spreading your negativity through others

Which leads to a slow death. 

Remember what I said about worrying about your own and minding your business? Yeah it plays a role here too. 

People hate just because it’s like every person they see, they visualize some kind of part of themself that wants to be like someone else, as well as not loving themselves enough finding it easier to pick on another person for being themselves just so they can feel much better. And it’s all because of course once again, society, due to the fact that is has made it better for others to believe that being the next this or that will get you places when in reality, you’re just another copy waiting on the food chain to get eaten up by negative comments or fake fans that “track” your every move. Who wants to live a life like that ? Constantly in someone else’s mouth or mouths, my father has always quoted Bruce Lee (his idol) and he said “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory” 

So, I guess that’ll explain everyone’s gold plated jewelry claiming that it’s all real gold? Or showing all the money that you have on social media and then crying broke because you got robbed or spent it all ? 

I want to live a life not away from people but away from society’s rules. They’re stupid, they superfluous and down right excuse my expression, retarded. 

In high school there was a guy who had Down syndrome in our school. Very out going and extremely talkative, but I loved it, the kid had character I mean, you can’t blame him for being himself, fully and faithfully. He was literally all he had in that school besides me and a few other peers and teachers. But of course, insecurity kicks in, the jocks, even losers and loners picked on him, senior year came around and he was so excited to graduate, but he didn’t walk, hell, he didn’t even show up, parents were there for him and everything, unfortunately 2 hours later, his mother had to find out through a horrifying missed call/ voicemail that her son took his very own life because he wasn’t “good enough” now listen to this,

I remember a friend of mine had a daughter and was so upset because her daughter has Down syndrome which led me to believe that she was ashamed, I then proceeded to ask her why was she so upset, she answered in a barbaric tone, “my kid is stupid alright? She’s slow, she’s a liability, I can’t live like this.” Three years later ended up loving the child to death, I now ask her, how’s your little angel ? She answers “oh you mean my little big Einstein?” 

Moral of that story is, people that pick on others are the ones that you really need to watch out for, they’re so scared of being who they are because of society, it’s almost as equal as committing a sin, if you’re not with the “in” crowd. I find the total thing to be a pure cimmerian hell. Who wants to live like that ? No one. 

If you let me. 

The long strokes of your index and middle finger send chills down my spine, after it’s all done, conversation is something I become addicted to. Your mouth filled with so much honey, while my mind pursuades me to take a lick to share your taste. There’s nothing better than this. Your imperfections speak so sensually to me, making it extremely difficult for me to pin point as to how they’re not good enough for you. 

I laid here expecting so little, instead I’ve received so much more. This position here is where I’d like to stay for the rest of the night. Your brown eyes giving me a reflection of my own. There’s nothing that I could desire any more than this. I appreciate your company, in fact I’ve yearned for it for far too long.

But answer me this, are you used to the caresses I’ve been handing you ? Does it feel like home ? Will you be able to see my woman like chest as your safe haven when you’ve had a bad day? Are you comfortable enough to lay on it and tell me your hopes and dreams ? How can I make you feel safe ? 

My body becomes your office of therapy, for all I know you’ve accepted others. The only difference is they’ve looked for security through you, while I offer you my own secure essence of safety through my arms and my soul. 

I see your chest as something to lay my hand on. The heartbeat through your ribs have given me such a deep sense of withdrawal. Withdrawal of love and peace. I’ve longed to bring tranquility to you, but only if you let me .

Interesting, what else ?

Have you ever been so hungry that your stomach starts singing to your ears ? 

I’m sure you have. 

The thing is here, my hunger is a little different from that particular hunger. 

I hear ticking in my head. My little ol’ head. It says tick tick tick tick, it’s a song that’s set on repeat and lasts Day and night. I can even hear it in my dreams. I call it, the ticking time clock. You see, the more I learn the faster it ticks. The more it ticks the faster my brain becomes filled with the yearning sensation of gaining new knowledge. 

I’ve always heard “you’re too curious”, “curiosity killed the cat!” I reply “and satisfaction brought it back” “don’t do that! You’ll end up hurting yourself!” “Be careful, you shouldn’t do that. You don’t know what’s there” 

The problem here is, I’ve always been a problem child. Growing up, I’ve always gotten reprimanded for every little thing I did, because I was too curious for my own good. I’m too smart for my own good. But I really can’t help it. Maybe if I explain myself a little better I could get the full point across ? 

When I see something new, I investigate. I look through the ins and outs of every single situation I put myself through whether it be good or bad, I always make sure I have a back up plan if my investigations go sour. Then I put it in my brain and go look for something else to discover. 

My problem is, I’m never content with the knowledge I receive. I’ve never been the type of individual to be happy to learn one thing at a time. I like to bombard my mind with things that are foreign to me and my brain so I can find some type of connection between the numerous things I’ve recently learned and it has happened before, well, pretty much all of the time. Sometimes I wonder if there’s only but so much learning one man and or woman can do. 

But then I answer my own question in the midst of thinking about a different answer; the world doesn’t have all of these countries, and languages to sit there and get looked at. They’re there for curious people that want the most out of their lives. It’s for those that crave the vibrations of a new language tickling their spine, for those that crave a new taste in their mouth, that yearn for a new place to have the sun beeming in their faces and the breath of new fresh air . 

It’s really bad isn’t it ? Hmm, I bet it is. But that’s okay. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only human being on the face of this earth that feels that way. Hopefully this makes you yearn for a ticking time clock in your head . 

Until then, I can only investigate and imagine what I’m going to see next ! 

The 7 wonders 

As Fleetwoodmac said “If I live to see the 7 wonders I’ll make a path to the rainbow’s end, I’ll never live to match the beauty again”

But where is the rainbow’s end exactly ? 

In my opinion, I’d consider every place you’ve never been, the rainbow’s beginning and end. Due to the many colors that you’ll be introduced to, the different cultures, different sceneries, different people! Life offers many ideas for each and everyone to grasp on to, but it’s up to you, to grab them . 

Road trips, plane rides, boat rides, walking, running, however you decide to get there, you shall, if you push yourself . 

Love comes in many different forms to the generality of the world; allowing yourself to see this will make everything so much more bonzer; letting go of what made you doubt yourself and those who had a great umbra over you, will show you how much power you really have over your life and your happiness. 

Begin to realize YOU are the answer to every problem as well as every solution, don’t you ever forget that. 

Take pictures, mentally and physically. You’ll begin to cognizant how beautiful the world is, and you can compare everywhere to.. well basically everywhere, just to see which place has the better scenery. 


Never stop ensuing to be a better you everyday! 
Photo cred: http://instagram.com/i.am.also.brod5ky

Is it or is it not ?!?

What I believe to be the causes of death are

  1. Procrastination 
  2. Lies
  3. Hate/ jealousy 
  4. Inconsistency 
  5. Lack of ambition 
  6. Self pitying 

All of these things allow people to stay behind and not progress in life, speaking of things that they wish and or want to happen, but don’t have the drive, ambition, passion, motivation, vision, and dream for it, will cause them to hate life. Believe me you, I’ve seen it first hand from friends I thought I would always have in my life. Apparently working hard for what they wanted was too hard, and they thought it was better to stay comfortable than to move forward as well as progress. 

If you allow it to happen to you willingly, just remember what you’re giving up . 

Keep pushing ! Keep striving !  

Love is too contagious !

Isn’t it crazy how love can easily become a toxin if you’d allow it to be ?

It’s funny when you think of it, children and puppy love, seeing that they like each other for who they are and not for what they pretend to be. These days love is something that is very, extremely, underrated and overrated at the same exact time. Sad isn’t it ?


Every man, woman, including you and me, are involved in this circled game we call a “cycle”. You find someone you meet, you like them, you tend to fall for them sometimes but then they disappoint you ! Oh no ! Didn’t find what you expected to be there ? So sorry . Welp, better luck next time. 

We’re so used to being expected to impress the opposite sex because of what they have or what we want them to think we have… or who they wished they were, vice versa. It’s a game really, who impresses who the most. But it’s so exhausting after a while you lie and lie and lie until you’ve forgotten the lie you’ve given the last time so you make a new one. 

Frustrating isn’t it ?

What I’m afraid of is a whole nation creating bastards out of lust and not realizing that they’re continuing this horrid cycle. Change who you are, build on that image and when you’re tired you show your real colors. 

THATS A BORE! (and false advertisement might I add.) Be who you are, show your true colors from the gate, you could be surprised on who you end up being a minute, an hour, a year later. As people we evolve;

We always evolve.

We strive to be better (well some of us) and succeed to be happy in life, but those who are so trapped in society’s ways, believe they need to put up a plethora of fronts in order to be considered what they want to be remembered as, even if it isn’t true. But even that comes collapsing down. 

Growing up is hard, but staying young isn’t. Especially with love . If you think of yourself and the opposite sex as children, you allow yourself to be honest. Open. True. Confessing. Not a liar or a cheat, or even a backstabbing individual. 

Love is simple, titles bring on complications. Which brings explanations.

Like “that is my boyfriend,” “that’s my girlfriend” if it helps you, by all means take the title by the hand if you gladly want to do so.. but for those who take their job titles a little too hard, relax with the name calling!

The list of who can’t do what ?

It’s ridiculous, who in their right mind won’t look at another beautiful being ? She’s beautiful, he’s beautiful but they aren’t you, so why get jealous? It’s such an ugly characteristic, I mean, it just shows insecurities on a wide screen. Why tell a grown man and or woman they can’t go out because you don’t trust them ? Or is it the people, or is it both? If there isn’t any trust and or understanding of freedom and the will to be wherever you want to be whilst having a significant other, then it’s best to say, you’re better off alone…. 

You’re friends. Nothing’s changed. Well, except intercourse aka love making and kissing as well as touching and- you get the point. If you love someone enough, you’d remember that honesty begins by being real with yourself first and your significant other. 

Stop making everything complicated and soon you’ll see, love is too contagious when you’re modest and truthful. It builds bridges you couldn’t even imagine. Oaths that are unbreakable and a friendship that will build strong and sturdy, by learning the ins and outs of their likes and dislikes, as well as getting to know the world together. Learn from one another and inspire each other to be better. Instead of limiting one another and putting boundaries on what wasn’t a problem before an intimate moment was shared. 

The Talisman

Her walk: glorious

Her voice: gracious

Her smile: out of this world

Her ambition: bigger than anyone else’s 

Someone was always running towards her for advice, for comfort, for shelter, for food, for a good laugh, you name it, she was the mother to a safe haven; everything about her screamed independence. 

My mother’s sister she was, but to me, and almost every cousin and family member I could think of, she was our mother, something about her couldn’t ever be replaced, it was like she was our super hero. 

For your understanding here are some stories

  1. Maryland

She drove to my house in downtown Elizabeth (at that time being) and asked my mother to send me downstairs. Automatically I ran down, because whenever Myrta was around, you knew it would be a great genuine time. She seen me, put her arms up in the air forming a kind of squared shaped ‘u’ and she then let out her famous laugh and saying “Hey miss thing!” She then asked me how did I feel about taking a road trip, now before I go on, think to yourself, how would an 11 year old girl feel about taking a road trip with her favorite aunt ? Overwhelmed might be the proper word for it. 

Continuing on…

“What’s that look for ? You look like someone told you that you won one trillion dollars!” I mean why wouldn’t I have that face right ? I ran up the stairs and got my clothes ready for an eventful weekend. When I came back downstairs she had the trunk prepared for my duffle bag, I couldn’t wait for this road trip to begin. Two hours in the drive, her gps had started to act up, continuously saying turn right, turn right, turn right! Never have I ever seen her get so upset with technology! She threw the gps out of the window and pulled out the printed directions off of mapquest, I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. The playlist on this car ride went from the O’jays, Marvin gaye, the temptations, Gladys Knight, Oscar DeLeon, prince, The Weezers, house music, classical music, the list goes on and on, but I didn’t take the music for granted. 

   2. Sonya’s baby shower

I remember sitting there waiting for my cousin Sonya to hurry up and walk in for the surprise baby shower, but of course Sonya will be Sonya, she wasn’t really surprised she had a look of confusion in other words, she was kind of expecting this to happen she had us all laughing and crying in tears. 

But Myrta, she loved Sonya’s belly, she had been next to my mother and I, simply saying “she’s so beautiful pregnant, she has the perfect belly, we didn’t have that !” And there went that famous laugh of hers, as she spoke to my mother. Myrta wore such a beautiful black and white dress, which she absolutely loved wearing. Black and white were her favorite colors.

         3. My sweet sixteen. 

Beauty is something that can be bought but never instilled. Myrta was beautiful inside and out, and on my sweet sixteen she received a lucky candle that I gave to her. She thanked me, but before she did that, she brought my dress, and told me to never let it go. Which I don’t intend on doing. 

     4. Florida 

My parents, George and Sylvia as well as my aunt Myrta and myself rode 15 hours to Florida, I would have to say, that had to be the best time of my life, Titi Myrta introduced me to Starbucks coffee for the first time. We had to stop multiple times due to Myrta’s diabetes. But I didn’t mind it, we stopped at many fine places 

  1. Dine in motel that had so many hillbillies, but they were so kind ! Titi Myrta told me to try their grits and the way they made them. She said learning new things had to be the ultimate goal in everyone’s lives, “it feeds your brain nena.” She used to tell me that so many times.
  2. Waffle House. That was my first time going there ever. I strongly encourage readers to go there asap, any Waffle House will do, as long as you have their whipped cream strawberry waffles with ice cream and a cherry on top!
  3. Cracker Barrel, best food on earth !!! 
  4. A souvenir store inside of Cracker Barrel, that store had so many shiny stones made me want to take all of them home

We did so much in Florida, but most of all, we all had an amazing time. We seen 3 alligators crossing the street as if they owned it, Myrta took a picture of them and said they resembled the three stooges. We went to at least 5 flea markets as well as thrift stores and went for walks under the Floridian starry sky. Unfortunately this is where the story goes sour. Titi Myrta grabbed her hair to put into a ponytail and noticed a chunk came out, she had been losing so much weight, but automatically thought it had been due to having diabetes. Sadly we didn’t take notice that it would later be caused by lung cancer .

       5. Pennsylvania 

Allentown, Pennsylvania is where my father’s sister Nela stayed; she used to live there, having such an enormous but simple home. Pure beauty. Titi Nela and her sons and daughter treated Myrta with such great hospitality; serving her whatever she wished to eat and offered to take her wherever she had wanted to go. But one thing that caught me off guard was Tori. Tori had been my aunt Nela’s dog/daughter/partner in crime. She was an American bull dog mixed with a pitbull terrier, she was beautiful and looked like a cow. Black and white. Never in my life did I ever expect Tori and Myrta to click the way they did only because Titi didn’t like big dogs near her. But tori made her presence very well known with Titi Myrta. She made sure she protected Titi while she stood there and made her final month with her enjoyable. 
      6. Cancer treatment Centers of America 

Titi had her final days here, of course it was never on a good note but she loved the way they treated her there, the nurses just loved her. But Titi had enough of being there after a while. A few weeks after she finished her will, she demanded that she come home (she knew it was time to go and rest but she didn’t want us to know through words so she let us know through her actions.) “They took the parkway!” She calculated in her mind as the ambulance driver took longer than expected to take her home . She never lost her mental. She may have been sick, but she wasn’t dumb. Very smart infact . 

She passed away September 16th, 2012. A year and date I don’t think anyone close to her could ever forget. She was our talisman, she had been our esperance in desperate situations, she was and forever will be our queen. 

Dear Isidore (Izzy) Malanga; thank you .

This man in the picture above is someone I aspire to be one day. Such wisdom, such grace, and such happiness.

Quotes by Isidore Malanga:

“In life you must move on, no mater how hard it hurts, because sometimes I catch myself talking in my sleep speaking to my wife saying ‘no I don’t want anymore coffee’ but I forget she’s gone, she’s not there anymore, but I miss her.”

“Way back when we used to court I used to sit on the porches stoop in front of the house and 9pm was the time to go in, but I didn’t go until 10, we took everything slow; now it’s not like that anymore too much exposure and too much promiscuity, there’s no more true love out there and if there is, they need to hold on. Sometimes couples, especially married couples don’t reach the seven year itch in a marriage.”

“My wife and I went to school together and we already said that we would have four kids”

“My brother was stationed in Japan too.”

“I had 13 brothers and sisters including myself, I mean what do you expect ? (He laughs) they didn’t have TVs back then!”

Today I noticed the greatest gift of all; it’s life. There’s so much to do and most would consider it to be in such little time, but a lesson I have learned from new my dear friend izzy, is that time has no end when you’re a happy individual. Time bows down to you when you’re happy with yourself before your success.

 Love, it’s something that you must hold on to. Izzy loved his wife so much, the fact that he still sees her in his dreams is the definition of what love is. He misses her of course but just like a child lets go of their childhood best stuffed animal friend, they remember it as they grow older, the love will always be there. It’s funny speaking about it now on this blog but a friend once told me “memories are all you’re left with” sometimes it’s the memories that keeps us all alive. 63 years married to his wife and 72 years together in a relationship. GOALS!

Humor, he has a lot of it. I noticed him reading or at least that’s what he seemed to be doing,  but to my surprise, he had been making fun of the people in the magazine. He told me this girl looks like she could use 5 deep fried chicken legs, his face became so red. 

Listening, something a lot of people in this day and age don’t know how to do. I sit there and listen to Izzy tell me stories for hours and I couldn’t enjoy it anymore than I did. 


Smile. Smiling is the best thing you could do, it’s like the appetizer to your soul before you receive the full course meal of laughter. When he smiles, I feel that everything will be okay, just because he smiles so much. His raspy voice reminds me of a child telling secrets to you in your ear, you must go near him in order to hear him clearly but that’s the best part ! His eyes are waves from all the seven seas combined. The color blue can’t even think about competing with his topaz iris’.


Communication, is what Izzy is very good at, he makes me laugh every time he speaks due to the fact that he speaks with the eagerness of a child receiving a new gift. He spoke to my grandparents with such happiness and made sure he allowed everyone to feel included in the conversations he had.


Observation, he’s so good at that ! He looks at different objects in the room to remind him of the past so he’s able to talk about yet, another story, and I find it so fascinating


Before I left I had to take this photo, it’s like a thank you for myself and to him, myself because of being able to relate to him and being able to make him feel comfortable enough to share his life’s timeline with me. A thank you to Isidore because he has allowed me to see how much more living I have to-correction, I must do. 

December 15th, 1925 is the day that Isidore had been born. He’s 91 years old and is still kicking. What a bad ass to meet .