My observation of Faye part 2

“You ready?” Her breaths came as a shock to me, I’d never thought that once in my life I’d see her breathe this hard, I haven’t even penetrated her yet. “You sure?” Faye laughed, speaking so gently, as if she wasn’t just breathing harder than a marathon runner. “Yes Lucas, I’m ready.” I reached for her hand, but there was that feeling again; she smiled and put her arm over her chest, and muttered “well, what’s wrong with me this time?” “Nothing” I said, “It’s just, you’re really going to let this happen?” I didn’t think that you and I would, you know, be here doin- wait, you were breathing hard like that because you’re nervous?” That was it. Bingo. She was scared, she kept covering her chest and her eyes, and didn’t want me to touch her yet until she was ready. “Come lay down with me, let me explain something to you Lucas, in detail.” She caught me off guard but I did as she said anyways. “Give me your hand, and please tell me what you feel.” She began to smile, “stop being such a lion heart, feel my hand and tell me what you feel.” I began to grow a little nervous because I had never taken the time to fully analyze how her hands are so much smaller than mine, yet they’re so strong but softer than a child’s cheek. The way her hand fit into mine, was as if it belonged there, purposely belonged there. 

I started to get scared now, because she was everything I could ever dream of, and ye- “Just because we make love tonight does not mean I will be chasing after you okay? I. Don’t. Chase. I don’t compete either. So remember that, because you have one time to slip up, now tell me how beautiful I am, and make my dreams into a reality.” All I could do was laugh. Her confidence, her spunk, she wasn’t God’s gift to men, but her smile and her spirit made it all worth it to say she was. “Faye?” “Yes Lucas?” “I- I love you.” “Don’t just love me, but enjoy me while you love me. I’m only here for a certain amount of time, make it useful.” When she put that into perspective, a sort of an anguished feeling began to grow within my abdomen. “Why would you say that?” She chuckled “because you can get any little girl you’d like, but not me. You have to work for my love, I’m not going to just give it to you, Prince Charming. You can fool them but not me. So because I’m making you realize my worth, I’m letting you know that you need to take advantage of it now before I’m gone tomorrow, or whenever the reaper calls on me. You won’t be able to do it when I’m dead now would you?” 

The girl made a point. 

I will forever love her, and won’t ever stop. 

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My observation of Faye

Her legs had a sort of dramatic touch around her knees, as if there’s too much muscle built around it. But I love it. It’s like she’s strong in her own way, with a certain specific body part of hers. Hypothetically I would’ve been all over her by this time, but it’s something about her that makes her different from the rest. She’s gold to me, her thick hair makes it difficult to not touch. It’s like once my hand is in there, I suddenly gain an addiction to her thrusting in what seems to be the softest grass. I knew she wanted me to touch her, but the way she inhales the blunt with each pull, she makes love to my mind. Her imagination runs wild, I mean, I could’ve poured all of the persuasions that I’ve used before, along with newly developed speeches filled with empty promises. But not her; not this one. She was too pure, feels things too deeply, it’s like she’s the sudden remedy to my numb being. In every way I can possibly think of. 

“You’ve read all of those books huh? You must find the words on the pages as an outlet to interest your mind.” Speaking softly with angelic voice, I knew she would be expecting a well thought response. 

“Yes, in fact if you’d like, you can borrow them and just bring them back when you’re done.”

She laughed

“What makes you think I want to see you again?”

“Well, not really but I would like to see you a few more times. But if you’re not down with that, then that’s cool.”

“Well, guess I won’t be boring that book then.” She put forth a bit of a sarcastic tone to her voice that I know I cannot resist.

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. She’s stubborn. I like it. 

“You don’t have to take it like that, I’m joking with you, I want to see you again. Is that better?”

“It was good either way captain obvious, I knew you wanted to see me, you’ve been staring at me for a good 20 minutes. You want some more? There’s only a few pulls left.” 

She passed me the joint and caressed my hand giving me goosebumps with her fingernails lightly scratching my hand. I finished it, and began to address her physically. Right before I went to take my pants off she says: ” I don’t mean to sound sleazy but tease me. I don’t want it if its that easy.” 

I laughed and smiled at her wonderous dark brown eyes. I never thought a woman like her would ever exist in my life.

“That’s fine, shall I proceed to use my voice as a stimulation? I’m great at weird conversations and even better while using my fingers”

She let out to what seemed to me, a childlike laugh, filled with excitement and pleasure all mixed into one. I love this woman. 

“Well let’s get this show on the road shall we?” 

Faye Simone, she’s my gem. 

Twisting the realities around

Showing remorse can bring you to your knees, but I’d rather that be the case than to not have endearment for you. I’ve went completely numb due to the lack of love and brutality shown onto me; but you, oh you. 

You bring me body trembles that keep me warm, instead of cold. 

You’re everything I could’ve asked for and yet, I’ve come to terms that we both provide. 

Come, the jazz sessions call your name along with mine

Stroke my strings, like the bass you call yours

Push your breaths on me and press my buttons like the trumpet you sing to. 

Empower me, as I you. 

Drink from me, as I you. 

I promise, my lively liquids will keep you satisfied until you’re ready for more. 

Thank you my love, 

Come drink, for we have the world’s colors to see. 

Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .

Beau

Love me down

Finish your plate

Don’t give me a frown

Come here to heavens gate

For the now

My waterfalls will make you weak 

Certain strokes give me “WOW”

Moments 

Come and let me make you tweak 

While I watch you quiver after my love is given 

I bask in my satisfaction of your surrender

This was wholeheartedly driven 

My mentality and vibes are benders

I bend broken hearts and build them anew 

Giving you my liquids from my fountain

Come sit next to me and enjoy the view 

The view from skies to oceans to the top of a mountain

With you inside of me, I see your colors spring about

I grab your heart from inside of your body, to give it a kiss, just to put it back

Look me in my eyes so I can turn you out

I keep my clothes on to keep your imagination in tack 

We can never lose ourselves in a drought

Our bodies must be flowing rivers of life

Come taste it

Fondle me like you would a fife 

Put your fingers in the holes, filling them up, with no exit

Stay. Forever. 

And never leave

Compared to most, I’m pretty clever

Come to me, and receive 

This gift I give you, that takes you to a different element

I promise I’ll be a good girl

I promise I’ll repent 

Make me unfurl 

I’ll make you wild

Happy, and intrigued with this game we play 

Your smile will be bigger than a child’s 

So speed up, I don’t have all day. 

Meet me here then over there,

I’ll lick your spots

Just tell me where

Connecting them like stars that connect dots.

Come lay in between my legs, 

You’re not entering, just simply sharing an intimate position

Talk to me like a puppy that begs 

Let me be your physician 

I’ll put you back into place

I can make you remember 

Leaving long strokes of my tongue on your face

Then on your back that’s hotter than ember 

But I’ll cool off, and so will you.

Come love me down,

You beau. 

Pondering multiple random words

Blinded by luscious words

A wish will stay thrown up in the air while getting slapped by the turd 

Nothing is as pleasant as a beautiful night 

Being able to trust your own might

Meaningless conversations bring me to a pause 

Like teachers over analyzing a specific clause

Wishing you were a flower in my hand that blooms 

Everyday 

Every minute 

Every hour

Your lips and fingers feel like other women have been in your presence making me quiver needing to scour 

Depressing laughs bring me to a realization 

Your posionous licks cut my circulation 

“Loves gonna get you killed but pride is gonna be the death of you and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and you and you and me” 

Seeing such a scowl gives me reason to exit to sea

Bleeding for you, attaining knowledge of the ice in your veins 

Keeps growing in my pains 

Fingernails scraping your skin from love making that was too rough

While you fill me up with your slough 

I’ll put happiness inside of you, by will or force 

Putting you in constant jubilee without remorse 

The three words that can make or break you

I love you, I HATE YOU ! 

Those could be the last words you spoke 

My heart still obtains the holes which you have poke-d 

Simple laughs and complex mind readings

That shall result in my beheadings

Of mind and soul

My Body could never be an option in this role 
For it’s too strong to let you hold it prisoner 

Although I’ve often prayed for a conditioner 

For your aura

Because it’s harder than coral 

When dried

Though I’ve cried

I’ve seen days better than this

I’m more than grateful for this ignorant bliss

For you think I’m not enlightened

But I am have knowledge of a plethora of things that can keep you frightened 

Don’t push what you don’t know 

Due to the soap opera also known as your show

It’s fine. 

I’ll be “blind” 

Wings, souls, shelter, never left behind.

Smiles cut deep

Innocent like the newborn sheep

Lions are not allowed to fall in love

Yet your silence grips me softer than a dove’s 

Wings 

Things

They can never change

Well there’s possibility 

But then there’s rearrange

Ment 

I mean I meant

Meant to keep your heart safe

I’ll hold you in my armored arms my dearest waif

I’ll give you shelter something you’ll need

For it is not water you drink, but my lfe’s liquid I’ve sacrificed for you, so I bleed

I’m not ashamed, to show how I feel 

Showing you a heaven is ideal

My soul become your wings, for they’ll give you strength to fly 

For my love is never just simple, it’s conceived to multiply 

I give you life, through me, take my hand allow me to lead the way 

Things are subjective be that as it may

Sleep on my chest, allow my beating compassion to be your ticking clock

Perfecting your hearing when my lover knocks

Knocks on the doors to your heart 

Follow me to clear waters of the dock so you may witness the reflection that’ll counterpart 

Counterpart your heart, soul, mind and emotions 

That’ll bring out my countless devotions

For your safety, and your piece of mind;

I promise for my sake and yours, that I’ll never leave you behind. 

Sweet release 

Pain

It’ll make you go insane 

Something in the brain

Makes you think too much

It’s like a punch 

In the gut, then to the face 

Suddenly I feel a need to pace 

Back and forth just like these thoughts

It’s a disease that needs to be fought

Better off easier said than done

But in the end, the thoughts have won 

Knowing what’s said to the cardinal, is never fully true 

Leaving space for the spinning room’s doubts towards you .

I concur to certain phrases

But this heart of mine is built like a bunch of broken vases 

It’s not like I try to be better than I was yesterday because I do

But the only thing that’s holding me back is you .

Your thoughts, mind, soul, and feelings Suddenly erupt 

It’s like a conversation that shouldn’t be interrupt…Ed

Putting yourself in my shoes will show you how I think 

In the final chapter I am my own shrink

I hold myself at night 

Not letting go, gripping tight

Rock back and forth just to sleep

While others count numerous things, I’d count you before I’d count sheep

It’s deep, this connection I have within my brain

So go ahead and feed me that bullshit saying “you don’t feel the same”

Way . 

Believing lies are easy

Believing the truth makes my breathless heart wheezy

Laying solo allowing the empty breeze to come in

While suddenly realizing my patience is running thin 

My heart beats rapidly in the middle of my slumber 

While my mind comes to a rumble of paranoid thunder

Toes wiggle while fingers clutch to these twin sheets

Legs suddenly crossed feeling a panic forcing me to fleet

Sure the right words are spoken, but they can never fool this third eye

Seeing your front gives me reason to just walk on by

By your face, your smile, and your scent

Why do I feel a sudden need to repent ? 

I allow your vibe to flow deep through and within me 

Chains shackled on my soul that yearns to be free

Free with you, on the surface of the moon

Forcing me to deal with the reality too soon. 

You’re gone. And never will be back

Reach me soon so I can read Saturn’s table zodiac

Trying to reach to the other side

Knowing that it’s not where I can abide 

I’m trying my hardest to keep you close to me 

Not recognizing that you’re the frenemy

Breaking my trust and heart piece by piece

Waiting for these tears to open their show of sweet release . 

Stay like that

Have you ever felt like the world could be a crashing, complete demolishing, mess, but yet in that moment, you seem to notice how grateful you are. Those days are the ones where you have to grasp onto reality and see how fortunate you really are. People complain about the simplicity of life, without even realizing first and foremost, YOU’RE BREATHING !!!!!!! 

You could’ve been dead, paralyzed, deaf, blind, injured, in a life changing disaster. But no, you’re alive. Take time to thank the universe for everything that you have, and what you don’t have. I know that second part sounds funny, but honestly, ponder on that; you possess what you need, most of the time it’s not the things you want, which I’m more than sure it can be frustrating, but if you’re in the middle of getting yourself together you can’t focus on what you’d like and want, you’ve got to stay hungry for what you need in life to remain alive, and most importantly humbled. Furthermore you have to show thanks, because everything you obtain, can be taken from you like a rug being pulled from under you. 

One beautiful day, someone will be rude to you, someone will hurt your feelings, and at a certain point and time, someone will break your heart, so it is your JOB as a human being, to remain calm and take advantage of the glory which, if you haven’t noticed, is all around you.

 Let’s use it as an analogy.

The trees get rained on by the sky so many times a day, a week, a month, even more during a year, and yet, they don’t decide to break away from their roots firmly planted in the ground, instead, they grow, so beautifully. Doesn’t that make you want to cry ? They keep their head(branches) up and continue to look at the bigger purpose/ picture. 

Growth will make you better, every single day, you just have to push yourself to that very point. 

So when you’re having a great day, noticing how blessed you are, in that moment, give thanks, to the 

  1. Universe
  2. And to yourself

I say yourself because, you can give up at any given moment. You really can, but if you know that you want more out of life, and you yearn to be content with life as well as yourself, you continue to push, and let me tell you something, it’s HARD ! So hard, that you want to cry or get so aggravated that you want to storm out and walk off of the edge of the world, but think about it……… 

the same energy you put into quitting is the same energy you should apply to winning and happiness. Because you deserve that . You deserve the world. If you work for it. 

So if you’re happy today, stay like that 💚.

A rant that has been long overdue. 

Correct me if I’m absurdly wrong but, relationships… aren’t they supposed to help people grow ? Isn’t it something that you’re supposed to hold dear and close ? Isn’t it something like let’s see …. oh .. wait.. that’s been ruined for decades, let’s be real, today’s relationships have gone to shit. One person believes they’re in love while the other is off not paying attention to the one they have at home because they’re not who they actually thought they were or because it was all lies and fake relations .. it all comes back to being true to who you are . 

WHY ON EARTH would anyone ever lie about themselves ? Why on heavens grounds will there be an actual person acting or pretending to be who they are not ? This is exactly why there’s so many problems in this world, lies… they’ve got to stop. It’s like you’re false advertising yourself and expecting to end up happy after you show your true colors … 

WHAT ?!?

People have lost the value of humanity and self respect. You’re supposed to be proud of who you are and loyal to who you are, why would you want to have it a different way ? What because you’re fantasy is somehow going to be your reality some day ? It’s not going to happen like that. Never will for the most part. If you work hard for yourself, allow your money to work for you instead of you working for your money, find who you are in your very own universe and mind your business when other stuff that happens doesn’t pertain to you, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to live a happy life. 

It’s like too many people get a rush of feeding off of negative energy and it’s driving me nuts! But one thing that I’ve noticed as well, stereotypes have been a big role in today’s society, skinny people want to be thick and thick people want to be skinny, obese individuals call themselves thick now, and we’re all supposed to live a jolly life while we see armageddon happen before our eyes. Laying down everyday and not doing anything has been the new “hobby”. Social media is being used for gossip and hatred instead of research and knowledge. It’s like everything is backwards. 

Insecurity has got to be the number one illness in America… in the world in fact. There’s a cycle, or maybe let’s think of it as a flow chart shall we ? 

Insecurity leads to 

Jealousy which leads to 

Self doubt, which leads to

Bullying which leads to 

Spreading your negativity through others

Which leads to a slow death. 

Remember what I said about worrying about your own and minding your business? Yeah it plays a role here too. 

People hate just because it’s like every person they see, they visualize some kind of part of themself that wants to be like someone else, as well as not loving themselves enough finding it easier to pick on another person for being themselves just so they can feel much better. And it’s all because of course once again, society, due to the fact that is has made it better for others to believe that being the next this or that will get you places when in reality, you’re just another copy waiting on the food chain to get eaten up by negative comments or fake fans that “track” your every move. Who wants to live a life like that ? Constantly in someone else’s mouth or mouths, my father has always quoted Bruce Lee (his idol) and he said “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory” 

So, I guess that’ll explain everyone’s gold plated jewelry claiming that it’s all real gold? Or showing all the money that you have on social media and then crying broke because you got robbed or spent it all ? 

I want to live a life not away from people but away from society’s rules. They’re stupid, they superfluous and down right excuse my expression, retarded. 

In high school there was a guy who had Down syndrome in our school. Very out going and extremely talkative, but I loved it, the kid had character I mean, you can’t blame him for being himself, fully and faithfully. He was literally all he had in that school besides me and a few other peers and teachers. But of course, insecurity kicks in, the jocks, even losers and loners picked on him, senior year came around and he was so excited to graduate, but he didn’t walk, hell, he didn’t even show up, parents were there for him and everything, unfortunately 2 hours later, his mother had to find out through a horrifying missed call/ voicemail that her son took his very own life because he wasn’t “good enough” now listen to this,

I remember a friend of mine had a daughter and was so upset because her daughter has Down syndrome which led me to believe that she was ashamed, I then proceeded to ask her why was she so upset, she answered in a barbaric tone, “my kid is stupid alright? She’s slow, she’s a liability, I can’t live like this.” Three years later ended up loving the child to death, I now ask her, how’s your little angel ? She answers “oh you mean my little big Einstein?” 

Moral of that story is, people that pick on others are the ones that you really need to watch out for, they’re so scared of being who they are because of society, it’s almost as equal as committing a sin, if you’re not with the “in” crowd. I find the total thing to be a pure cimmerian hell. Who wants to live like that ? No one.