The beauty of getting things done.

We all have an agenda that has check boxes that need to be checked off. Even dimsided individuals have them for their dimsided “necessities”, point being we all have things we need to do.

Moments that we’re so focused on making sure that they happen, leave us in the most vulnerable position in life believe it or not.

 

We forget our origin. We get wrapped up with our NOW and our GOAL POINT when our surroundings could get tough and weigh down heavy on us.

That’s a dangerous zone to be in. We forget who’s really there for us who really wants us to prosper, fail, what we want to be and where we want to go. So many options, so many things, you don’t want limitations.

However, there are no limitations with the right people down your path.

We remember them and certain moments, when we’re able to, when we have the time, showing in that exact second they’re not as much of a priority as we’d want them to think, in that result. It happens out of rushing and angst that we won’t reach our destination because the journey is getting harder. We don’t want to hurt them by not giving them enough time and effort, but it happens anyway.

The hardest journeys reveal who comes back to get their hands dirty again just to sculpt a better tomorrow regardless of any situation.

Truth be told, there’s no real cure for taking things for granted, unless there’s an actual devastating occurrence. When that occurs, the reality hits and you feel that rock bottom is your closest friend.

 

It isn’t. It’s you against you. It will forever be that. Rock bottom is an alter ego for your original name. You get yourself up, by yourself, and stand up BY YOURSELF.

Thats what you want to think, but we all lose sight about those that are cheering so silently, so far away, yet closest to our hearts that their strength exceeds any distance, any space and remains the bungee cords that pulls you up from any fall just to dust you off and tell you “get back out there”. The fault is ours for not making them a priority in our list of daily priorities that need to get done.

A foundation is built by passion, and emotion before logic ever kicks in. It’s the cement that holds the bricks down instead of logic being the only thing that stands in a twigsh manner falling without any comfort at night.

Our brains get tired, but our hearts beat repeatedly, no matter the cost. To abuse that, is to abuse yourself. To lose memory of that is to become another number on the cattle shelf.

Being numb can only get you but so far; living on a logical affectionate daily risk, with double supported plans from a-z?

Thats progress.

This is too true.

Cross off the affection box every day, because it might erase itself in fear that you won’t ever check it again.

Advertisements

Perfection in an imperfect society

Professional pretender how i adore you

I couldnt ever retain anger towards something so beautiful

My heart is crippled by the tight grip you have around it

The adrenaline puts my body in place and gets me ready to start;

Start a race between my heart and a car

My heart’s valves pumps blood speedily, giving this dodge an unfair take off. Horse power couldnt ever be compared to the stars that sneak their way through my cells into my heart, in my mind,

making them project through my eyes. 

How i long to taste your wonderful imagination continously with no intermjsson.

Yet my past is the one to blame

Self love is not a dilemma on my behalf, for insecurities of unfaithfulness strike my beating organ, making it pause, while my visual cortex takes over, munipulating my tears, when the smallest doubt comes into mind

I still crave, and attempt to trust you with the blindest faith known to man.

You wouldn’t hurt me… 

As far as my own fear would want to deny, I have hope in you 

Whiplash comes about even when your name is spoken. 

Nights under a sky is all that is ever needed to be reminded that life is too fast 

To stay angry at the past.

My body lingers in bed forcing memories to project against the walls of my eyes. 

Legs wrapping around a waist

 and arms get a little taste 

Of what a perfect wide back feels like when fingertips graze against the smallest form of a circle on the left hand side of a shoulder.

Stay here

That was all i could whisper to myself when you’re not near.

The scooped spoon imprint in ice cream formed on a neck is the perfect spot for a smooth chin that longs to be touched by the blood pressure of one that couldn’t possibly understand what her legs feel like when he’s simply breathing.

Gasps for air conditioning one to settle with small reps of limited breaths, 

You couldn’t understand love as such jf you’re not an alien; for only the two can comprehend what intellectual fireworks look like


-on a beach .

Confusion and heart beats bleed for love. Enlighten the two. 

If comfort had multiple words put into one, it would be ineedyoutohelpmehelpyouhelpme

Ironically people are meant to work together instead of bickering back and forth. It’s hard to do that when there’s multiple red flags provoking your thoughts to think in a negative manner, when you try your hardest to do the opposite. 

It lingers.

It sticks with you.

It seems as though life really is a competition; a competition on who’s been hurt the hardest, the most, followed by who has bigger bragging rights on how to deal with something and how to react on it because it’s how they would react. We’ve all come to the conclusion that it’s best to not deal with something if it takes too much effort to put behind it, yet not being able to detach yourself is a reason of interest. What’s there to lose? 

A lot.

Humans, are naturally contradictors, and hypocrites; but let someone put us out of our way when we’re doing something. They’ve automatically become a problem. That right there is a dilemma in itself. People are selfish, and when it’s not beneficial to them, at that very moment, frustration and suspicion begin to arise. Because no one wants to deal with continuously addressing an issue that should’ve been resolved a long time ago. 

Make the tables turn.

Thats when everyone will understand each other. But people are lazy. Even the go getters. Emotions are irrelevant to them, yet, it’s what they live off of half the time because they’re so busy, when love comes around, it’s something they grasp onto because there’s a deep genuine gesture on both sides. Until someone doesn’t want to deal with circumstances and conditions. 

But we have to do that in our daily lives. . . . . 

Why is it that when an individual requests the same exact thing in return, for their comfort, a quarrel starts? 

Because compromising is almost as dead as chivalry. 

A feeling within, is a feeling that could never be denied. A doubt boiling at the depths of your stomach is a thought that should be taken into consideration because all puzzles aren’t presented. Some pieces are being hidden, and others have be incorrectly cut to fit another part of the puzzle, packing loads and loads of inconvenience. 

Why build the puzzle then ? 

Because it’s worth it. It’s something worth building. 

You can’t put a puzzle together alone when it takes two brains to piece it together, communication to execute plans for sizes and pieces to click right in where they’re supposed to be, and two hearts to lock it in place to keep it together.

Live with it, or change it…. gradually :) 

The smallest things count, yet at the very same parallel moment, they don’t. 

Have you ever wondered if saving the world, is something that really should be considered ? 

Let’s put it like this, 

America, the great, the brave, the strong slogan “united we stand” but they never mentioned individually you fall if you can’t keep up.

By keeping up I’m connoting the realization of the way America presents international problems as their own, when in reality, it isn’t, it’s because they’re nosy.

In certain cases of course. 

Don’t waste food, kids and people as a generality are suffering in third world countries, so it’s placed on our shoulders to care and to not let a grain go to waste. Yet the obesity levels in America is astonishingly saddening. While putting meals together and delivering them to those that are really in need is a problem if there’s not a dime involved. 

Ever seen avatar ? 

The same method of Andrew Jackson, and seemingly the same method that President Donald Trump is presenting, subconsciously, to others, there’s no sign of coequalness. People are being told that social media will give you all of the news you need to hear or learn about, but, it’s hard to stay engrossed when the same thing is happening on there too. Yet people enjoy it, makes you wonder are human brains getting smaller? 

Wars are being threatened with, when in reality, there’s billions of people at stake, lives that could be lost, that could be transitioned from excellent to a nightmarish hell. 

Social media has made it a habitual thing to make fun of the world’s devistating news. The intentness is on the humor more than it is on the seriousness of situations that the “United States of America” is faced with. 

While in the long run, people confabulate about world peace and thoughts that could be made into a reality through time, effort, and plans that are set up to be executed. 

The faith I have within humanity, it’s sickening sometimes, but I believe that one special day, the façades of the mask wearers will be exposed and their insecurities would be something that could be worked on, instead of ridiculed by the same people that feel the same things as them, if not deeper. 

Short and sweet 


The worlds way of showing us how simplicity is really the cure to a multitude of mislead souls, we’ve been stuck in the one track minded mental, brought to think that whatever anyone else is doing, we must do better, and boast about it through a façade of humbled behavior.. that’s not the wave… sad to say that we all get stuck in it at some point in time, it’s up to you whether you stay stuck in a circled drain mentality, there’s ups and downs to every situation; for we might not know why and how, we all get frustrated and perplexed. Yet in those moments most of us cling to the, what we’d like to call, “comfort”, of our emotions, and steering away from positive logic thought. Bringing yourself to terms, with yourself, being kind to yourself, things will occur that you’d never imagine, contentment will be in your favor. Keeping that faith, and discipline, is the hardest part; so it can and will be done, if pursued. 

Nah b, hold up! 


It’s hard to not feel entitled to certain things, situations and people, due to the treatment, even objects. Anyone can say that they usually do something while their behavior has changed, whether it be with another person, situation and or thing.

 Once we, as people, get comfortable with stuff being the way that they are, we begin to question where we stand with those factors that may be apart of our daily activities or even if there are long term hiatus’, we always notice when there’s a small change, or even large one.

Some of us at least.

Its difficult to realize this and face it sometimes, especially when we don’t want things to change, because in reality, some people don’t like change; they’d just rather things that are apart of whatever it is that’s important to them get better in the form that it’s already in. 

That’s where entitlement comes in. Sometimes it’s okay to not feel good about it, yet in that moment, we have to realize that people, places, and or things shouldn’t have that much of a significant impact on our lives because not everything lasts forever. Because entitlement leads to expectations, and if you expect people to deliver for you more than you do for yourself, you’ll never be happy. Unfortunately, I’m starting to realize this more and more each day.

But…

We could try to stretch it out if we could right ?

Or at least that’s what we’d like to believe. 

You see, sometimes waiting isn’t our thing. Waiting for a package to come, a situation to arise or be solved, and people making you think or wait longer than you believe you “should”. 

Entitlement is the same thing as happiness, and if you put that in other people, they’ll disappoint you every single time. Due to many reasons.

  1. It could be how they are
  2. Excuses are made up to cover up the truth behind the reason because of the way that things are set up
  3. Importance on what the place, situation, and or person might be, because people can treat things, situations and other individuals like it’s a priority until something or someone else comes along. 
  4. And last but not least time, things happen during the days and nights that most people don’t want to share or simply forget about, which kind of piggybacks off of importance.. if people, places, things, and situations are important to a person, they take care of it right away, or at least they try to. 

So, when you start to feel entitled to something, and or someone, just remember, they might not view things or feel the same way that you might. When you start to see that, it’ll be better to keep in mind that only you, can make that happen if you allow those things and or people to have that much of a significant importance/ impact on your life. 

If there’s an archer and they’re practicing to successfully find a target to shoot, it’ll be conquered. But if they feel like they deserve to hit that target just because they’re an “archer” then they’ll have a lot of disappointment to face. 

Be humble and keep yourself happy. Don’t leave that in other people’s hands. 

Unless they earn that treatment. 

How come? 

She doesn’t like being upset with them . 

It seems inside her blood, there’s a bailey

She can’t be knocked down, 

Yet her knees buckle when she thinks of them.

She doesn’t like having the feelings she does. 

The numb days. They were the best. 

But they could never have the effect on her like these heart beats do. 

They’re not regular

They skip, they bring happiness and whirlpools in her stomach

That makes her so sick, she wished that they weren’t there

But often ponders as to what would happen if they weren’t there. 

That’s when she begins to realize she’s wrong. 

Her arms and legs become clingy

Remaining ready at all times to squeeze with so much affection.

Still, the numb days didn’t bring her lungs to the verge of collapsing 

And her heart didn’t run a mile a minute when something didn’t go the way it usually would. 

She didn’t care

And now she does.

Trying to lock her heart in a chastiy belt specially built for her heart.

But it’s gained too much love, and is now too big to fit it.

She’s angry that she’s allowed herself to be this vulnerable. 

She had gotten so good at keeping her emotions in shallow waters. 

But now? The sun has evaporated all of the water and has rays of love shining from it.

She can’t TAKE IT! She feels so janus-faced. 

It’s making her worried, scared, happy, and anxious all in one.

Until she realizes, 

It shouldn’t be that deep. 

But her heart. 

It beats so hard that it creates shock waves that can be felt thousands of miles away. 

She’s very cautious she doesn’t trust that easily. 

Now more than ever, she’s having doubts on top of doubts

Her anxiousness is the result of not being fully reassured the way she wants to be. 

So now, she’s thinking more than she should and it’s bothering her. 

Distractions will be her new hobby. 

She can’t keep wearing her heart on her sleeve. 

She’ll get hurt. 

Patiently waiting and knows that when she gets where she wants, and sees who she wants, 

All of that, will fly out of the window of uncertainty. 

Pushing emotions away in the process. (Part one) 

My soul rips apart heavy tears of hatred flowing through my eyes

Just the sight alone makes me wanna despise 

Slightly hanging on to hope that I know I shouldn’t dare touch

Anger ripped my chest open preparing it for a punch

Having resentment for them is not a pleasant thing to face

Seeing the shadow of an image brings me disgrace 

The thought alone keeps me shut

So when I find myself over heating all I can bring to my lips is “but”

But nothing, no worries, things will get figured out

My heart’s  growing strong with wisdom that I don’t know about 

Well, I know it, but I cannot see it

Trying to understand how one can tolerate so much bullshit 

I’m not a person that can be patient for very long, 

It gets tiring listening to that same “song” 

I’m better than what I’ve been before

Try looking at another perspective trying to open a door

It’s harder than it looks, believe me you

Trying to be happy when it isn’t true

I’d be happy if things went how they were wished

So it’s just left in the water, like an unwashed dish. 

Tea with lemon and honey should help out

Maybe with a little whiskey, and I won’t shout

Silence is my tranquility when there’s a raging fire

Not satisfied when I don’t see the evident desire. 

 

Twisting the realities around

Showing remorse can bring you to your knees, but I’d rather that be the case than to not have endearment for you. I’ve went completely numb due to the lack of love and brutality shown onto me; but you, oh you. 

You bring me body trembles that keep me warm, instead of cold. 

You’re everything I could’ve asked for and yet, I’ve come to terms that we both provide. 

Come, the jazz sessions call your name along with mine

Stroke my strings, like the bass you call yours

Push your breaths on me and press my buttons like the trumpet you sing to. 

Empower me, as I you. 

Drink from me, as I you. 

I promise, my lively liquids will keep you satisfied until you’re ready for more. 

Thank you my love, 

Come drink, for we have the world’s colors to see. 

Note to future self. 

Someone once told me, in life, it’s best to just leave the negative thoughts behind and keep on trucking because there’s worse things that you’ll have to deal with. Subconsciously I’ve let negative thoughts run through my head and body, which reflected how I treated people, but I’ve tried so hard to become better, which I have; slightly. 

Starting school soon, I’ve began to contemplate as to why I’m deciding to start a new chapter all over again. With veterinarian technician, being my number one goal, I’ve noticed that it was a passion I wanted to pursue, but not at the moment. I’ve wanted, and still do, to take care of animals completely; but somewhere in that mix, I’ve noticed that I come first. Me. As mean and selfish as that sounds, I’ve brought it to my own mental attention, that I’m young, and I won’t be getting any younger. If I don’t take care of what I need to accomplish then I won’t achieve any of the goals I want to acquire, then I won’t attain the happiness I want in the near future. 

Which brings me to music, (my first choice), oh the flawless admiration I have for that word itself let alone the pure instruments that make it, what it really is. Nothing could ever bring me to loathe music, for its all I think about, for example, when I leave to a restaurant or even waiting on line at a store, I have to touch something and make up a beat, which progresses on to become a potential song in my head, which pushes me closer to successfully knocking down yet, another obstacle. 

You see, I think about money a lot, but I also think about helping animals more than people. Because I’ve always despised individuals who don’t really care about the planet. They irk me in full honesty. Then there comes children, because they’re our future of course. Counseling came to mind. But then again, how can I help others if I cannot assist myself with my best interests to help those in need? 

It all came back down to square one, which has taught me a very valuable lesson over and over again. 

Your first choice? Let that be your decision

I’d like to think of it as a juxtaposition to a drunk person. 

Your first choice is something you know will make you happy, (not in many cases but so far in mine), and that second choice is something that you think will be better than your first choice but won’t really make you as happy as your first choice. Now let’s view the drunken individuals, when sober, they don’t spill out their feelings/thoughts/concerns as much as they would when they’re drunk. Because their second choice is to not say anything about what they really feel like saying. Although they know that if  they were to bring up their honesty, as blunt as it may seem and or be, they’ll get ridiculed or misjudged for speaking up. 

Now that, that’s out of the way, I’m proud to say that I believe I’m taking the necessary steps in my life for my future because it’s, well, it’s not the “right” thing to do, but it’s the smart thing to do. Who wants to be held up in a square town that is a dead end and not move forward ? My city, Elizabeth, New Jersey, is my comfort zone, but it isn’t my “home” for I know I love the parks, streets, and festivals as well as the locals I may recognize, but deep down within me, I know it’s not somewhere I see myself living for the rest of my life. 

There are invisible walls that have been put up for those that seek the average things in life, as for me? Those walls have been torn down since the age of 15, furthermore, I believe it’s time I take a few steps over those broken down walls and feel the world out for myself and my future relationships and endeavors, for nothing, and, no one will be able to stop me. 

Sincerely, 

Felisha Perez .