Pushing emotions away in the process. (Part one) 

My soul rips apart heavy tears of hatred flowing through my eyes

Just the sight alone makes me wanna despise 

Slightly hanging on to hope that I know I shouldn’t dare touch

Anger ripped my chest open preparing it for a punch

Having resentment for them is not a pleasant thing to face

Seeing the shadow of an image brings me disgrace 

The thought alone keeps me shut

So when I find myself over heating all I can bring to my lips is “but”

But nothing, no worries, things will get figured out

My heart’s  growing strong with wisdom that I don’t know about 

Well, I know it, but I cannot see it

Trying to understand how one can tolerate so much bullshit 

I’m not a person that can be patient for very long, 

It gets tiring listening to that same “song” 

I’m better than what I’ve been before

Try looking at another perspective trying to open a door

It’s harder than it looks, believe me you

Trying to be happy when it isn’t true

I’d be happy if things went how they were wished

So it’s just left in the water, like an unwashed dish. 

Tea with lemon and honey should help out

Maybe with a little whiskey, and I won’t shout

Silence is my tranquility when there’s a raging fire

Not satisfied when I don’t see the evident desire. 

 

Pondering multiple random words

Blinded by luscious words

A wish will stay thrown up in the air while getting slapped by the turd 

Nothing is as pleasant as a beautiful night 

Being able to trust your own might

Meaningless conversations bring me to a pause 

Like teachers over analyzing a specific clause

Wishing you were a flower in my hand that blooms 

Everyday 

Every minute 

Every hour

Your lips and fingers feel like other women have been in your presence making me quiver needing to scour 

Depressing laughs bring me to a realization 

Your posionous licks cut my circulation 

“Loves gonna get you killed but pride is gonna be the death of you and you and you and me and you and you and you and me and you and you and me” 

Seeing such a scowl gives me reason to exit to sea

Bleeding for you, attaining knowledge of the ice in your veins 

Keeps growing in my pains 

Fingernails scraping your skin from love making that was too rough

While you fill me up with your slough 

I’ll put happiness inside of you, by will or force 

Putting you in constant jubilee without remorse 

The three words that can make or break you

I love you, I HATE YOU ! 

Those could be the last words you spoke 

My heart still obtains the holes which you have poke-d 

Simple laughs and complex mind readings

That shall result in my beheadings

Of mind and soul

My Body could never be an option in this role 
For it’s too strong to let you hold it prisoner 

Although I’ve often prayed for a conditioner 

For your aura

Because it’s harder than coral 

When dried

Though I’ve cried

I’ve seen days better than this

I’m more than grateful for this ignorant bliss

For you think I’m not enlightened

But I am have knowledge of a plethora of things that can keep you frightened 

Don’t push what you don’t know 

Due to the soap opera also known as your show

It’s fine. 

I’ll be “blind” 

Sweet release 

Pain

It’ll make you go insane 

Something in the brain

Makes you think too much

It’s like a punch 

In the gut, then to the face 

Suddenly I feel a need to pace 

Back and forth just like these thoughts

It’s a disease that needs to be fought

Better off easier said than done

But in the end, the thoughts have won 

Knowing what’s said to the cardinal, is never fully true 

Leaving space for the spinning room’s doubts towards you .

I concur to certain phrases

But this heart of mine is built like a bunch of broken vases 

It’s not like I try to be better than I was yesterday because I do

But the only thing that’s holding me back is you .

Your thoughts, mind, soul, and feelings Suddenly erupt 

It’s like a conversation that shouldn’t be interrupt…Ed

Putting yourself in my shoes will show you how I think 

In the final chapter I am my own shrink

I hold myself at night 

Not letting go, gripping tight

Rock back and forth just to sleep

While others count numerous things, I’d count you before I’d count sheep

It’s deep, this connection I have within my brain

So go ahead and feed me that bullshit saying “you don’t feel the same”

Way . 

Believing lies are easy

Believing the truth makes my breathless heart wheezy

Laying solo allowing the empty breeze to come in

While suddenly realizing my patience is running thin 

My heart beats rapidly in the middle of my slumber 

While my mind comes to a rumble of paranoid thunder

Toes wiggle while fingers clutch to these twin sheets

Legs suddenly crossed feeling a panic forcing me to fleet

Sure the right words are spoken, but they can never fool this third eye

Seeing your front gives me reason to just walk on by

By your face, your smile, and your scent

Why do I feel a sudden need to repent ? 

I allow your vibe to flow deep through and within me 

Chains shackled on my soul that yearns to be free

Free with you, on the surface of the moon

Forcing me to deal with the reality too soon. 

You’re gone. And never will be back

Reach me soon so I can read Saturn’s table zodiac

Trying to reach to the other side

Knowing that it’s not where I can abide 

I’m trying my hardest to keep you close to me 

Not recognizing that you’re the frenemy

Breaking my trust and heart piece by piece

Waiting for these tears to open their show of sweet release .