Fighting over parking spots and other frivolous things. The DNA in most humans is actually quite terrible. The longing to have your name live on long after you’re gone. Beast in a flesh cage. Livewires grounded by the realities of humanity. Impermanence. Fear and loathing spread past Las Vegas. If you take a step back you can see the beauty in it all. Everything perfect in all the imperfections. But where do we go from here? Life. A puzzle perpetually unsolved. Every generation given a new chance to answer. Silence still. There are those of us who have the answer. Silence still. Because to answer is belonging to question. To question is to suggest an origin. An origin. A beginning. A beginning, an end. Having the answers to questions solves problems. Life may have many, and may no one find it. So that it may keep going.
The end of the world can wait
Burn in hell
An end to your human experience is inevitable, but how you go and where you go is still up for debate. Does pain and pleasure really get triggered by the same censors? I’m not trying to raise hell like some cenobite but why does each extreme feel so extraordinary on opposing ends of the spectrum? A cut, an orgasm, a death, a birth.
Burn in hell
Are you afraid of what you cannot see and don’t know? I’ve been human for so long, almost all my life. I’ve been plagued with affinities and tendencies which another human will gladly justify my obsession and aid in my quest for the indulgence of these pleasures. Decadence. But lately the pendulum stopped swinging and is stuck. It’s stuck on pain and everything hurts. How can I explain this? Have you ever processed what it really means for something to be over?
Burn in hell
The “wrath of god” is an amazing phrase. It takes the idea of this super being inflicting immense physical pain typically through the use of a medium. The idea of physical pain is enough to scare the simple. Pain is something we understand since we’re young. You do wrong, pow pow time, see? Simple. Now take that simple mind and tell them it’s infinite pow pow time (please explain what infinite means to the child so they can grasp what’s going on). You see how you mitigated the inherent evil just by extending the punishment indefinitely. B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T!
Burn in hell
I came back from hell to tell you that there are no fires, no torture chambers, no bodies of blood, horrible screams or anything of the like. There’s just silence. The silence slips over your entire body and engulfs your soul in a sense of dread unlike anything you’ve felt on earth. You begin to feel yourself cry for no reason at all, but no one hears you, it’s dark and you can’t even hear yourself. You begin to panic. Where is everyone and everything that you’ve grown to love. The memories you made on earth are gone and you’re unsure of who you are. You feel your hands in front of you, your pupils dilate to catch any light to reassure that these are indeed your hands, but blackness is the only sight that registers. You feel desperation flip to fear and fear to agony all in what seems to be mere seconds. You begin to cry again. All you’re wishing for now is to hear the sound of your own voice but the heavy silence snuffs out any audible escape from within. You’re going to be here awhile. To burn is to actually feel, and wishes aren’t granted in hell. To burn for an eternity would be a pleasure in comparison.
Baby lets skip town…
Baby lets skip town and see things we never saw before
And do things we’ll never do again
A place where no one at all keeps score
And knowing a friend of a friend is how we’ll get in
Baby we’re going…
Baby we’re going and I’m full of fright
We might get lost and never make it
Quiet down, the wolves hunt at night,
And a promise is a promise, don’t you ever break it
Baby we’re here…
Baby we’re here and I have no clue what to say
Other than things are still a mess
Oh we came all this way
When in all honesty,
we really should have never left
(Written-April 13th, 2017)
Sometimes you just have to go with no direction and no plans purely just to wage war against stagnation. Tommorow has always been my problem, because when I get there, there’s always another one as far as I know. Days to weeks, weeks to months, months to etc… You understand. I wasn’t blessed with the gift to be two places at once or see multiple outcomes of different dicisions, I can only see what I did yesterday or yesteryear and then maybe adjust my course ahead after reviewing everything in hindsight. All of us are pilgramiging to death and someone decided to linearly chronograph everything until we get there, perhaps to know if we have enough time to wait at chipotle before we kick the big bucket. Would not knowing an approximate time of how much life you have left with age make you more or less worried? How important is everything? Your friends, your stuff, to know that one day all of those memories you have, you’ll take with you, albeit the photographs and video the random number of years they stay around until they’re forgotten too. Is trying extending your presence on this planet, past your presence, worth the trouble? Maybe life is like the wind, it’s there, you feel it and before you know it, it’s gone until the next wind comes along. How about turning into stars when we die, just to see what we miss after we’re gone. Imagine everyone that died before the cell phone was invited or the holy grail of all inventions this time period, “the internet”. Life can be a big bag of everything and nothing at the same time and even though I ask why all of the time, I’m grateful to be here.
Planning to purchase a DSLR soon with the money made from writing.
Graduating from iPhone photography
NOVEMBER 20, 2014
(Today 2/27/2017 – somewhere south responding to email for an interview with a print and online magazine to possibly write for them, currently have 2 paid writing positions)
From the minute you are conceived, inherently you are beginning to die. Amazing world we live in right? Ready or not the timer on how long you have on this planet is ticking before you even are aware of an existence outside of an internal cavity in your mother. My personal speculation on why we aren’t classified as 9months old when we are born is because technically fetuses aren’t classified as human, but that’s another debate on ethics within itself(save for later). Since we are aware that we are living to die, why do we intentionally or unintentionally waste time not doing the things we really want to do? We wait our entire lives to retire to be able to do things we dream of doing only to arrive at the conclusion we are too old or too tired to care anymore. Being the age to retire means new problems you may have not had several decades ago. How many times have you heard a coworker retire after talking about traveling only to pass away a week after retiring. The joke is on you. Life literally stops for no one. Life does not care about your situation or well-being. Life can be your biggest adversary if you let it. Why wait until you’re full of arthritis and lung cancer to run along the coastlines of the beautiful beach in that beautiful country you’ve always wanted to be. The majority of regret from people who are old comes from not what they DID do in the past, but what they DIDN’T DO. The big “What If” will drive you insane when you know you let an opportunity for a different path in life to travel by you. Stability is important but “Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
TL;DR: START DOING EVERYTHING YOU WANT TODAY