The Room

Photo: (Street Walkers – Aaron Johnson)


Anxiety and depression wrapped neatly in the corner creeping closer

I might die in this room 

Or you might lead the way out 
Either way I’m here and you are too
Before I panicked because things changed,

And currently worry because I don’t know if they’ll ever go back to the way they were

What do these memories mean?


The same way I invite people in to ruin my life

I can find purpose in the pain if I work through it 

You see the best in people 

I expect the worst 

Can we meet somewhere in the middle 

The only other option was death or a dull life, I kept going

Never fall victim to the vices set before you, posted at every milestone

Forever uncomfortable 

living in-between the lines 

Funny how people never get around to living life 

The spider, the fly, and the witness 

Looking back at the life you never had 

It’ll eat you alive in the end.

Live with it, or change it…. gradually :) 

The smallest things count, yet at the very same parallel moment, they don’t. 

Have you ever wondered if saving the world, is something that really should be considered ? 

Let’s put it like this, 

America, the great, the brave, the strong slogan “united we stand” but they never mentioned individually you fall if you can’t keep up.

By keeping up I’m connoting the realization of the way America presents international problems as their own, when in reality, it isn’t, it’s because they’re nosy.

In certain cases of course. 

Don’t waste food, kids and people as a generality are suffering in third world countries, so it’s placed on our shoulders to care and to not let a grain go to waste. Yet the obesity levels in America is astonishingly saddening. While putting meals together and delivering them to those that are really in need is a problem if there’s not a dime involved. 

Ever seen avatar ? 

The same method of Andrew Jackson, and seemingly the same method that President Donald Trump is presenting, subconsciously, to others, there’s no sign of coequalness. People are being told that social media will give you all of the news you need to hear or learn about, but, it’s hard to stay engrossed when the same thing is happening on there too. Yet people enjoy it, makes you wonder are human brains getting smaller? 

Wars are being threatened with, when in reality, there’s billions of people at stake, lives that could be lost, that could be transitioned from excellent to a nightmarish hell. 

Social media has made it a habitual thing to make fun of the world’s devistating news. The intentness is on the humor more than it is on the seriousness of situations that the “United States of America” is faced with. 

While in the long run, people confabulate about world peace and thoughts that could be made into a reality through time, effort, and plans that are set up to be executed. 

The faith I have within humanity, it’s sickening sometimes, but I believe that one special day, the façades of the mask wearers will be exposed and their insecurities would be something that could be worked on, instead of ridiculed by the same people that feel the same things as them, if not deeper. 

The human condition and west of division

Fighting over parking spots and other frivolous things. The DNA in most humans is actually quite terrible. The longing to have your name live on long after you’re gone. Beast in a flesh cage. Livewires grounded by the realities of humanity. Impermanence. Fear and loathing spread past Las Vegas. If you take a step back you can see the beauty in it all. Everything perfect in all the imperfections. But where do we go from here? Life. A puzzle perpetually unsolved. Every generation given a new chance to answer. Silence still. There are those of us who have the answer. Silence still. Because to answer is belonging to question. To question is to suggest an origin. An origin. A beginning. A beginning, an end. Having the answers to questions solves problems. Life may have many, and may no one find it. So that it may keep going. 

The end of the world can wait 

I’m here 

Summer sunsets at 7:45pm


Burn in hell
An end to your human experience is inevitable, but how you go and where you go is still up for debate. Does pain and pleasure really get triggered by the same censors? I’m not trying to raise hell like some cenobite but why does each extreme feel so extraordinary on opposing ends of the spectrum? A cut, an orgasm, a death, a birth. 
Burn in hell
Are you afraid of what you cannot see and don’t know? I’ve been human for so long, almost all my life. I’ve been plagued with affinities and tendencies which another human will gladly justify my obsession and aid in my quest for the indulgence of these pleasures. Decadence. But lately the pendulum stopped swinging and is stuck. It’s stuck on pain and everything hurts. How can I explain this? Have you ever processed what it really means for something to be over? 
Burn in hell
The “wrath of god” is an amazing phrase. It takes the idea of this super being inflicting immense physical pain typically through the use of a medium. The idea of physical pain is enough to scare the simple. Pain is something we understand since we’re young. You do wrong, pow pow time, see? Simple. Now take that simple mind and tell them it’s infinite pow pow time (please explain what infinite means to the child so they can grasp what’s going on). You see how you mitigated the inherent evil just by extending the punishment indefinitely. B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T! 
Burn in hell
I came back from hell to tell you that there are no fires, no torture chambers, no bodies of blood, horrible screams or anything of the like. There’s just silence. The silence slips over your entire body and engulfs your soul in a sense of dread unlike anything you’ve felt on earth. You begin to feel yourself cry for no reason at all, but no one hears you, it’s dark and you can’t even hear yourself. You begin to panic. Where is everyone and everything that you’ve grown to love. The memories you made on earth are gone and you’re unsure of who you are. You feel your hands in front of you, your pupils dilate to catch any light to reassure that these are indeed your hands, but blackness is the only sight that registers. You feel desperation flip to fear and fear to agony all in what seems to be mere seconds. You begin to cry again. All you’re wishing for now is to hear the sound of your own voice but the heavy silence snuffs out any audible escape from within. You’re going to be here awhile. To burn is to actually feel, and wishes aren’t granted in hell. To burn for an eternity would be a pleasure in comparison. 

Waiting for my idols to die

As Saturday falls into Sunday I don’t want to be celebrated

I want to be appreciated 

I’m so anxious, 

Millions of cells with a thought for each one 

Who am I going to ruin my life over today

And in what way

And then I stop myself

These were my younger years

I don’t expect you to understand me

But I respect that you try

I’ve made a habit of labeling the unimportant as urgent until a revaluation, no! A revelation of relevance relabeled me, 

And look I am reborn!

But the cup is now half empty, but I am not sad because there is still a thirst to be quenched and a cup for me.

Then there’s her…
Why are you afraid to be who you really are in front of others 

Make sure they love all of you, even your shadow

She does…

And I love her back.

I remember all of the things I went without just to be with

Even the stars burn out after so long 

Love cycles/Hate cycles

You can live forever if you never existed, god

At the end of every week, every month, every year…

A new one! 

Since birth I have been propelled forward from the past, I have been happy, been bitter, been blessed, been loved, been lost, but never better than I am right now to close my eyes and drift from this gift 

Wherever you’re going
Have fun and take care

Ferris Wheel

Baby lets skip town…

Baby lets skip town and see things we never saw before

And do things we’ll never do again

A place where no one at all keeps score 

And knowing a friend of a friend is how we’ll get in
Baby we’re going…

Baby we’re going and I’m full of fright

We might get lost and never make it 

Quiet down, the wolves hunt at night,  

And a promise is a promise, don’t you ever break it
Baby we’re here…

Baby we’re here and I have no clue what to say

Other than things are still a mess 

Oh we came all this way

When in all honesty, 

we really should have never left

No Anchors


I feel like sometimes life is full of tentacles and these tentacles are commitments that we attach ourselves to over time and throughout our lives. These attachments have the capability to weigh us down eventually. That’s every promise inked in blood, deeper and deeper into the mud you go. That’s not to say that all commitment is terrible, and in fact, some build character and define us. But in the same breath I don’t want to be defined by the things I own on the outside, I want to be defined by everything I hold on the inside. It’s this beautiful gift called memories that really allow me to float when things feel too heavy. Even if I don’t have you, I had you. That’s what really matters. In life you’re supposed to get things right the first time, but more than likely the first time we won’t get things right. Maybe that’s where the idea of G*d comes in. In the mistakes and inherit nature of being human and how mistakes mean death for those we feel lesser than us, even sometimes those that look just like us. G*d can be many things to many people, but the concept of a higher power filling in the gaps to things we can’t fathom, process, or have answers to…

Your dreams, sponsored by:

Cash ruins everything around me, its green get the money, corporations rule all. To be completely transparent, sports is not as exciting as it once was growing up, a lot has changed, and this is typically due to the amount of ridiculous rules that have been introduced over the years. You breathe on someone wrong in basketball and it’s a foul. I grew up a 49ers fan, Steve young Jerry Rice days, and when I mean I loved every sport, I loved every sport. I knew every player on every team, this was the era you would find Kerry Kittles in the program for the starting line up at the continental arena, which brings me to the focus of this rant, the 2017-2018 NBA upcoming season. 

Humans have a way of solving problems and then creating more in the process. I understand that everything needs to evolve to survive but honestly for the sake of survival does corporate advertisement have to seep into every section of life? I’m truly sick of seeing name brand everything sucking the enjoyment out of everything left. Every special moment it seems is just another opportunity to be exploited by advertisement, and THAT SHIT IS EVERYWHERE. I’m not saying advertising doesn’t have its place, but lately it’s been out of control. For the NBA it’s going to start small with the patch, but pretty soon it will be littered like soccer jerseys. I don’t want to take my son or daughter to games to watch the New York Aquafinas because the New York Knicks or Yankees name and logo weren’t in the best interest of corporate advertisement. Sometimes you just have to say no in the interest of the brand of humanity.