A gift to myself

It hurts worse the longer it’s been
Sorrow is quicksand
I feel that I’m sinking but I just don’t care to save myself 
The same thing that made me feel so alive is now killing me slow
depression, loneliness 
Suffocation

With Love Until Eternity XO

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Neon Surprises 

What I expanded on today: different kinds of cryptocurrencies, ICOs, decentralization, art auctions, burn your bra, conversations you weren’t invited to, adult onesies, cognitive dissonance, indie movies, International (Seoul) Fashion, I’m an okay writer, John Malone candles, everything always has room for improvement, FOMO(fear of missing out) anxiety 
There’s something soothing about Sundays

At the moment I don’t get to enjoy them the way I want 

I feel like my world is on fire

I want to see 

Christmas in another country

I want to not worry

I want to love

But if i cant buy happiness I’d like to at least afford a place far enough away to escape the negativity

Hiding in my mind at the moment

I want to be better than the purpose we were born for 

And stray away from path that was most likely going to happen

I’m busy but I’ll be alright. 

Don’t burden others with your feared thoughts. 

Silly lilies

Balancing trying to stay afloat 

Getting ready to fall 

Waters thrashing against my throat

A hardened cement sensation builds up inside of she

Resisting to allow herself to feel is her damnation to be

Or feeling too much at once pushing difficulties on her, and surroundings of friends

She wouldn’t be able to force her retinas to see any end

Placing hands upon eyes, 

Then hips upon thighs

To a full stop just to notice she has trouble getting back to who she was

That’s the kind of arrogance that seeps into one’s mind when love comes 

Distance and time can make an individual grow impatient

Aroused with anger and nervousness of being forgotten

That she had lost the whole blueprint to a solution 

A blueprint she had helped to create

Now sudden tsunamis grow in her abdomen with hate

Not that she wanted it that way

But jealousy makes it easy to push anyone away 

A little point and time in reality she becomes less saddened 

But one thought without someone in the picture is something she can’t imagine to happen 

Quiet thoughts, unable to speak freely to the one she loves 

To keep cautious, prevents issues with her tongue in a glove

Closed mouth

Jaw locked

Firefly

There’s something subtly intimidating about this woman, fully aware of herself, how beautiful she is, as well as how much she knows and understands. It’s dark where I came from, but I don’t believe that’s the reason why she’s here. The absence of light in my world made it easier to find her, she was glowing like some stars certain souls seek to see on the playground. There are millions of creative critiques dedicated to detailing women that lovers have loved, will love, and will never love again, but it’s different when these words are yours, the time is hers, and the love is ours. 

More fascinated with this firefly than many other avenues that bid my attention , I can’t help but to notice how beautiful you are. Flashing light against a falling sky, you helped me capture a perfect picture in the wake of dying day and new night. 

Your face fills my heart with hope knowing that someone so beautiful belongs to this world. It’s in your dishevelment and distance from make up that has me fixated and incessantly infatuated. Under your skin is a tinge of luminescence, you light up and I cannot look away. If I am to be bound by mortality, I pray to every god imaginable and unknown that in the journey through eternity I am blessed with more encounters with your soul. 

Always and Forever, I love you(r glow)

What Love Feels Like

Written January 22 2015

Today March 16 2017

Love will always be intangible. We as humans need naturally try to make sense of everything we come in contact with so our brains can process certain concepts. I have this theory that my perception of what love is, is that it is intangible. It is one of the most valuable assets a person can own. It is the wind you cannot see but know is there, you can describe how it makes you feel and the effects of it but to actually have it manifest as something you can possess, something you can hold in your hand,is impossible. Love is your favorite color, your favorite movie, your favorite memory, your best friend. Love is more than a word, it is reason to keep believing. Love is trust. Love is knowing someone else cares about you the same way they care about themselves. Love is the person you see in your head who you cannot imagine a life apart from. Love finds perfection in imperfection. Love is your favorite smell, love is your favorite sweater. Love is life.

October 29th 2015

What are the odds
What are the odds that I ended up here, out of all of the places I could have been 
What about falling in love with the feeling of falling in love 
The “what ifs” of every situation kept me so sedated from actually living in the moment I began to get sidetracked from who I was. I wasn’t making memories if I wasn’t making mistakes. Being on the fence about something is worse than being on either side of an issue or situation. Incidentally, at the very minimum if you chose the incorrect path, you can see your fault, and reroute. You have the opportunity to analyze the mindset before hand that led you to this path and from there make the nessecary adjustments, but if you chose to wither away standing in the same spot you started, because of anxiety, angst or fear, thinking you will never lose anything if you never try, you will lose time. Time, or the theory of, is one of the greatest assets bestowed to us. Time is a blank canvas, you can draw your life. We may have different canvases but I can choose what I want my final product to look like when I finally check out of life and say I’m done. Color my life, because we’ll never be these kids again.