No Anchors


I feel like sometimes life is full of tentacles and these tentacles are commitments that we attach ourselves to over time and throughout our lives. These attachments have the capability to weigh us down eventually. That’s every promise inked in blood, deeper and deeper into the mud you go. That’s not to say that all commitment is terrible, and in fact, some build character and define us. But in the same breath I don’t want to be defined by the things I own on the outside, I want to be defined by everything I hold on the inside. It’s this beautiful gift called memories that really allow me to float when things feel too heavy. Even if I don’t have you, I had you. That’s what really matters. In life you’re supposed to get things right the first time, but more than likely the first time we won’t get things right. Maybe that’s where the idea of G*d comes in. In the mistakes and inherit nature of being human and how mistakes mean death for those we feel lesser than us, even sometimes those that look just like us. G*d can be many things to many people, but the concept of a higher power filling in the gaps to things we can’t fathom, process, or have answers to…

[Mirrors]

No time for clothes in the house,

 or anymore monday mornings in my life, 

Always alive at so dead an hour

Crypt walking

I’ve got the blues,

My eyes swell, the tears turn to blood, 

Again I realize I’m just a jester looking for a king’s love

These are my primary problems 

In a world where you’re only as good as your last, you’re not the better answer, but the best answer to a question that I wasn’t sure of how to answer

Late PMs, Early AMs,

Conversations in cars,

Sex and Smoke, 

and eyes as bright as the city lights at night

In this car we hold the keys to go everywhere we wish without the need to start an ignition, these conversations take me farther than this car could ever go, eyes closed, mouth open, mind open, hearts continue to race, don’t slow down, from wheels to wings, exhale the smoke and take off, us right here, beyond the reach of all, minds together elsewhere, our time together infinite, this love together infinite
 
This love won’t hold me over, 

And this love,

This love, our love,

is likened to leftover pizza,

Because you can find anything you want but don’t need in your life 

just like the leftover pizza 
in the fridge at 2am

Cheers to our time together on this planet, the most meaningful and meaningless entity I have ever had the grace to witness

1984

One of the most life altering statements I’ve ever heard in my life came from a childhood friend at a theme park, who I unfortunately have lost contact with.
Age:12

Place: six flags

Ride: free fall

Person proposing the question: best friend at the time 
HIM: “Why are you standing exactly where it tells you to stand on line for the ride?”
ME: “What?”
HIM: “You’re standing with your feet exactly on the two foot marks while you wait, why?”
ME: I took a look at how he wasn’t standing on the marks but comfortably perched on the gate next to his temporarily assigned spot in line to wait for his turn on the ride. I looked at him, then observed how everyone else in line , including myself, was subconsciously programmed to follow an implied order. My response was a short “oh” but I understood. 

And just like that, it was like a door had opened. 

Why follow rules to the T.

I believe that people in life are binary. You’re either a zero or a one. My theory, however; is better explained by dark(representing the binary number zero and the absence of light), or light(representing the binary number one and overall illumination). In life there are a sea of zeros, all clumped together, behaving alike in darkness. Now scattered in that dark void are little lights with varying brightness. These are the “ones”, they are so few and far between, but for some reason you’re able to spot them because of their illumination juxtaposed against the darkness, creating a great contrast. This is what I believe to be the cause or why, and how, we find the people in life that we cherish the most. This is how I believe I found all of the individuals that matter in my life. I’ve gravitated towards them because of their “light.” 

Please forget me as soon as possible 

The feeling of falling out of love is watching a star die, a million miles away, knowing there’s nothing you can do aside from watch and know that everything related to it has ran it’s course. An easy contender for one of the most miserable feelings ever felt, because every night you would go out and make a wish on it, and the star would wish for your return every night. You went through the trouble of finding the star, searching a pitch black sea for forever, to only one night watch what took forever, disappear forever, without so much as an explanation. As an adult, you’re expected to get over these occurrences and deny ever believing in fairy tales of stars having any kind of relevance or meaningfulness to your existence, so as that star expired, a piece of you dies along with it, and you drag it along daily, weighing you down, hoping no one notices or sees, but they do. Nothing tastes the same, feels the same, and at the thought your eyes begin to glitter and glisten like your love in the sky once was. And everytime you tell yourself to not look for love in the sky, because it is something beautiful yet unattainable, you never listen, becuase a million miles away doesn’t look so far at night. Closer to the stars, closer to your dreams.