I feel like sometimes life is full of tentacles and these tentacles are commitments that we attach ourselves to over time and throughout our lives. These attachments have the capability to weigh us down eventually. That’s every promise inked in blood, deeper and deeper into the mud you go. That’s not to say that all commitment is terrible, and in fact, some build character and define us. But in the same breath I don’t want to be defined by the things I own on the outside, I want to be defined by everything I hold on the inside. It’s this beautiful gift called memories that really allow me to float when things feel too heavy. Even if I don’t have you, I had you. That’s what really matters. In life you’re supposed to get things right the first time, but more than likely the first time we won’t get things right. Maybe that’s where the idea of G*d comes in. In the mistakes and inherit nature of being human and how mistakes mean death for those we feel lesser than us, even sometimes those that look just like us. G*d can be many things to many people, but the concept of a higher power filling in the gaps to things we can’t fathom, process, or have answers to…
As much love as I have for you unconditionally, why do you remind me everyday how much I should hate you,
You owe me, dont try to do better than me, don’t do better than me, I’m not going to be happy for you, I promise, don’t leave me here, lonely, you promise?
More fraudulent than their pre-distressed denim, to them it’s a religion, tru, but I’m losing mine everytime I look at you.
You never took those drugs,
or went to those parties,
you have no stories,
your existence irrelevant in my universe.
Insecurity all around, you can’t find the importance in your existence but you can find it behind the brands on the nearest broad street, new clothes for new haters, so many of them, who lost?
Then we take pictures and smile in them. Are you really as happy as you look in the photo?
Jesus stood next to Judas, moments immortalized right before your eyes, but make sure you know who you’re standing next to before they start shooting, pictures.
So what are you into? “Making myself seem interesting on the internet”, in my own matrix I shush and outcast those who scream for Zion, because first, I need to take a selfie, and just my luck, the make up covers up my low sense of self-worth, connected to a cellphone the entire day, I didn’t think it was possible to be 2 places at once until now, we’re here, but your mind is there, creating this alternative reality right before more eyes, are you even real?
Blew my chips on this bitch I went half on a kid with at an early age. What’s the difference between a few months and forever? Half of everything you have, peace of mind and precious time? Deals with the devil because of how I’m raised. I don’t control my feelings, they control me, so I have no accountability for anything I do. I see the ship sinking, I feel the water, but I rather throw a party than save myself. Raise, Rinse, Repeat. We won’t escape the same hell that gave us the motivation to leave, because even the devil has wings and demons inherently, so I wonder even though we’re stuck down here, were we at one point amongst the clouds in heaven? Maybe so long ago no one remembers? Live for the moment I guess.