The human condition and west of division

Fighting over parking spots and other frivolous things. The DNA in most humans is actually quite terrible. The longing to have your name live on long after you’re gone. Beast in a flesh cage. Livewires grounded by the realities of humanity. Impermanence. Fear and loathing spread past Las Vegas. If you take a step back you can see the beauty in it all. Everything perfect in all the imperfections. But where do we go from here? Life. A puzzle perpetually unsolved. Every generation given a new chance to answer. Silence still. There are those of us who have the answer. Silence still. Because to answer is belonging to question. To question is to suggest an origin. An origin. A beginning. A beginning, an end. Having the answers to questions solves problems. Life may have many, and may no one find it. So that it may keep going. 

The end of the world can wait 

I’m here 

Summer sunsets at 7:45pm


Burn in hell
An end to your human experience is inevitable, but how you go and where you go is still up for debate. Does pain and pleasure really get triggered by the same censors? I’m not trying to raise hell like some cenobite but why does each extreme feel so extraordinary on opposing ends of the spectrum? A cut, an orgasm, a death, a birth. 
Burn in hell
Are you afraid of what you cannot see and don’t know? I’ve been human for so long, almost all my life. I’ve been plagued with affinities and tendencies which another human will gladly justify my obsession and aid in my quest for the indulgence of these pleasures. Decadence. But lately the pendulum stopped swinging and is stuck. It’s stuck on pain and everything hurts. How can I explain this? Have you ever processed what it really means for something to be over? 
Burn in hell
The “wrath of god” is an amazing phrase. It takes the idea of this super being inflicting immense physical pain typically through the use of a medium. The idea of physical pain is enough to scare the simple. Pain is something we understand since we’re young. You do wrong, pow pow time, see? Simple. Now take that simple mind and tell them it’s infinite pow pow time (please explain what infinite means to the child so they can grasp what’s going on). You see how you mitigated the inherent evil just by extending the punishment indefinitely. B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T! 
Burn in hell
I came back from hell to tell you that there are no fires, no torture chambers, no bodies of blood, horrible screams or anything of the like. There’s just silence. The silence slips over your entire body and engulfs your soul in a sense of dread unlike anything you’ve felt on earth. You begin to feel yourself cry for no reason at all, but no one hears you, it’s dark and you can’t even hear yourself. You begin to panic. Where is everyone and everything that you’ve grown to love. The memories you made on earth are gone and you’re unsure of who you are. You feel your hands in front of you, your pupils dilate to catch any light to reassure that these are indeed your hands, but blackness is the only sight that registers. You feel desperation flip to fear and fear to agony all in what seems to be mere seconds. You begin to cry again. All you’re wishing for now is to hear the sound of your own voice but the heavy silence snuffs out any audible escape from within. You’re going to be here awhile. To burn is to actually feel, and wishes aren’t granted in hell. To burn for an eternity would be a pleasure in comparison. 

Ferris Wheel

Baby lets skip town…

Baby lets skip town and see things we never saw before

And do things we’ll never do again

A place where no one at all keeps score 

And knowing a friend of a friend is how we’ll get in
Baby we’re going…

Baby we’re going and I’m full of fright

We might get lost and never make it 

Quiet down, the wolves hunt at night,  

And a promise is a promise, don’t you ever break it
Baby we’re here…

Baby we’re here and I have no clue what to say

Other than things are still a mess 

Oh we came all this way

When in all honesty, 

we really should have never left

The kid that never was

(Written-September 28,2015)

(Written-April 13th, 2017)

Sometimes you just have to go with no direction and no plans purely just to wage war against stagnation. Tommorow has always been my problem, because when I get there, there’s always another one as far as I know. Days to weeks, weeks to months, months to etc… You understand. I wasn’t blessed with the gift to be two places at once or see multiple outcomes of different dicisions, I can only see what I did yesterday or yesteryear and then maybe adjust my course ahead after reviewing everything in hindsight. All of us are pilgramiging to death and someone decided to linearly chronograph everything until we get there, perhaps to know if we have enough time to wait at chipotle before we kick the big bucket. Would not knowing an approximate time of how much life you have left with age make you more or less worried? How important is everything? Your friends, your stuff, to know that one day all of those memories you have, you’ll take with you, albeit the photographs and video the random number of years they stay around until they’re forgotten too. Is trying extending your presence on this planet, past your presence, worth the trouble? Maybe life is like the wind, it’s there, you feel it and before you know it, it’s gone until the next wind comes along. How about turning into stars when we die, just to see what we miss after we’re gone. Imagine everyone that died before the cell phone was invited or the holy grail of all inventions this time period, “the internet”. Life can be a big bag of everything and nothing at the same time and even though I ask why all of the time, I’m grateful to be here.  

Live life like you’re on vacation

(Written: February 5,2015)

(Today March 25,2017)

Hearing the word vacation evokes emotions that I’m pretty sure releases dopamine into your body. It’s life’s orgasm from the mundane. Is there anyone that doesn’t like vacation? How can you not like taking a break from deadlines and expectations from life? I wonder why more people actually don’t live their life like they’re on vacation. What I mean by that is exploring. Going on vacation doesn’t mean trips to Europe every six months, but I mean having your inner self go on vacation. It’s a great feeling, experiencing new food, places, activities. Most people on vacation turn into more impulsive versions of themselves, they really let their hair down, why not be that way about life all of the time? Taking risks are necessary when you want to live life. When you think about the probability of you actually having a chance to live, you have to cherish and utilize every moment of it. I’ll explain. Your parents are 2 people out of millions, who at one specific time decided to have sex at the right moment, and out of millions of other possible sperm you got there first. You could have been skeeted into a sock, napkin, throat or anus. You grew and didn’t die in the womb or during birth. You weren’t born an animal and have to worry about hunting for food or even worse being hunted to become food. You grew up and get to experience consciousness and self awareness and your most interesting hobbies are watching reality tv when you get off of work? Even more spectacular is you’re born during such a technologically advanced time period which only seems to be getting more advanced, that traveling and experiencing the world more has only gotten that much easier yet you rather find out what happens on a tv show with a fake cast of characters with a fake plot acting out a fake situation that never happened. Tv should only be used scarcely. I’m not saying television is bad but it should be used for filler time and never your main source of entertainment. It’s conditioning our generation to become that much dumber. How is it we as a species descend from scholars, aristocrats, great emperors and the like, yet we only care what crazy thing Miley Cyrus is doing this week? It scares me to know that if the world were to experience a devastating phenomenon, and we were left with the general population to rebuild, we would be beyond fucked. How many people watch tv and own a cell phone but don’t even understand the basics of how they work. Too many people are just “plug-and-go I don’t know” people. It’s important to at least understand a little about how the things we use work. I’m not advocating becoming a specialist in every area of knowing everything and becoming brainiacs, but honestly as life is progressing, the majority of people are being conditioned to become less intelligent.

What Love Feels Like

Written January 22 2015

Today March 16 2017

Love will always be intangible. We as humans need naturally try to make sense of everything we come in contact with so our brains can process certain concepts. I have this theory that my perception of what love is, is that it is intangible. It is one of the most valuable assets a person can own. It is the wind you cannot see but know is there, you can describe how it makes you feel and the effects of it but to actually have it manifest as something you can possess, something you can hold in your hand,is impossible. Love is your favorite color, your favorite movie, your favorite memory, your best friend. Love is more than a word, it is reason to keep believing. Love is trust. Love is knowing someone else cares about you the same way they care about themselves. Love is the person you see in your head who you cannot imagine a life apart from. Love finds perfection in imperfection. Love is your favorite smell, love is your favorite sweater. Love is life.

Gone Days 

Often do I have to stop and ask myself, do I understand what’s going on?

Then I go back into the world. A scurry here, and a scurry there, and then I realize I’m lost again in the precence of entities more interesting than I, where as I have no choice but to take seat in amazement. See when you see a star, you want to be a star, right away. All of the time it took to create such brilliance doesn’t matter at that moment.

I hope one day I’ll find everything that I’m looking for, I stopped trying to put everything I find into a bag, because beautiful things don’t belong in bags, but memories do, and I’ll keep them for as long as I keep this body, I know there’s a better place somewhere, and I don’t pray enough, or wish on shooting stars that much, but if I could have just one whisper answered, it would be to find you again, if there is an again, because it was so hard to smile before I met you, and I never want to stop feeling like how I feel now…. forever. 
(Painting by artist Leonora Carrington 1917-2011)

Enter your soul already ! You’ll be fine!!!! 

See this entrance right here ? Hmm… honestly I don’t know where to begin with this .. I have so much to say, all these subtle thoughts want to come out all at once making me sound so boisterous. .. but it’s cool .. I’ll try my hardest to get to the point. 

Entering your soul is supposed to be all types of rugged .. not many can say, that finding themselves was an easy task .. because I’m sure as hell it ain’t.  But realizing who you are as an individual is the best thing that could ever happen to you .. no one can tell you who you’re supposed to be or what you should do in life because your feet are firmly planted onto this earth’s ground . 

So the picture is supposed to represent your soul, yourself, your very own being .. your conscience I guess you can say. . Imagine how dangerous you might think crossing this little wooden rope bridge is (which it might be but hey, if it isn’t daring it isn’t fun right? ) but that’s how life is .. it’s dangerous on every corner you go .. doesn’t mean you should live in fear . Imagine falling in love, it’s the same exact thing ! You’re scared to give your heart because you’ve been hurt before or maybe you just have straight up trust issues (nobody’s judging here) but you still find yourself caring about that specific person, you’re gonna cross that bridge anyways.

Becoming your very own better half is the main component of life. . One of the main ingredients to your soul, love, education, intellect, as well as love and self respect all come into play when it breaks down to becoming food for yourself am I right ? 

Now that picture up top, that’s the end result of achieving every goal you have . The bright beautiful ending . Not everyone gets it everyday, but at some point in time, it’ll be there waiting for you to cross the bridge .. no matter how much fear you may have, the lights will shine bright enough for you to notice, you’re so much farther than you were when you took your very first step in achieving what you wanted to achieve.